Saturday, August 26, 2006

A lot of my posts spark off on something pretty insignificant. Yesterday, while at office, before the chat, I was asked to fill out a questionnaire. Something that would have taken ages for me to fill out if I had attempted them. Other than the basics, about name, education, family, first song, movie and the da-da-da-da-da-da, there were questions to which there are seemingly no answers. Whats is life? What is life? Romantic evening? And some three or four other questions. And I rounded all these off, and gave a blank.
But the omnipotent question which is probably why the earth keeps spinning on its axis, and why planets get added and chucked out from the solar system is probably this.. What is love? I tell you, that one question is a mega Multi Zillion Dollar Industry. Movies, ads, books, restaurants everything run on that. Ok, lets be more specific. Scoping men and women out.
I bet my, um.... ok I am not a gambler, this post, that most dinners or lunches have conversations revolving around this question.
Someone wants to figure someone out. Such conversations are passed on coffee, and food that gets pushed about the plate.
Does he love me? Does she love me? Who knows mate? But this must be one of the most fun parts of a relationship that may go either downhill or uphill or might not start up at all. And how someone never knows the answers for themselves but do for everyone else.
People meet the wrong people all the time. And then there is a why the hell does this have to happen to me?
I came upon this book which talked about all that a guy would do when he 'is into you'. Well one, he will call. Five times a day. Or something like that. Now that would seriously infringe upon my life. Give me a break!! Five times a day??
"He will do what he said he will do unless there is a personal emergency". Like he says he will call you at something-o-clock, he should. Else he doesnt like you that much. Apparently in spite of demanding work schedules. Or a boss breathing down the neck. And several such things. As I went through the book, I saw that I couldnt agree with so many things in there. Give me science anyday, saying that a woman or a man can/cannot do this, this and that-this because of some nerve running somewhere, or some nerve that doesnt, easier to understand. And its amazing how so many magazines make money with this topic. And the 'try to understand him/her' phase is seriously tough and time consuming and frustrating.
Look for clues people say. What clues? And then dont read too much into that. Be interested but be coy. Be busy but be available. Bleeeaarrgh.. Why cant things be simpler. One answer thats given. Men chase. And women like to be hunted. So when did we go back to the Stone Age? Hunters and Gatherers? So many centuries of evolution we talk about and we are talking primitive again.
We all keep guessing. He said that. She did this. Damn he is rotten. Damn she is from hell. Why cant we be adults and sit across the table and finish it off and not put in so much energy into thinking unnecessarily? People dont be honest with someone else, because they dont want to put themselves in line. Tough thing there.

At the end of the day. There is only one thing. Your life is your own. Your situations are your own. And when you choose to like someone you need to love yourself first. Understand yourself first. Know what you want. From yourself, from the other person and as a twosome. Sure things need not happen all the time. Looking for someone to complete you is probably not the answer. Everyone who loves Tom Cruise gushing that line, please forgive me. You need to be complete. You cant be incomplete and keep looking for someone to fill up that space. You need to be at peace with yourself. If you are expecting him/her to do something, dont keep it in and expect the thought to be conveyed telepathically. Speak it out and if the other person is comfortable, great. After a point in time, people will be pretty much tuned into one another to understand the other pretty well. Even then, somethings need to be said loud and clear. Dont confuse yourself and the other person. A relationship is not just hard work, its complete menial labour, and while you are at it, get in the gadgets and make things easier. You have the words, speak out.
And having said all that, when a man says he is not monogamous, and he is not ready for commitment/marriage (usually means not with you)yeah, pretty much believe him, and when a woman says she is looking for a man with financial security, yeah, she might not settle for anything less. AND absolutely no one is worth endless heartache, or crying yourself to sleep. NO ONE. Period.


MP said...

wow interesting really made me thinking and it does make sense to me complete in your self and to be secured about your self before searching for love....thanks for sharing your thoughts chinmayi!

Yagna said...

I wonder if one can have such rigid notions. I can understand that everybody has his/her own interpretation of life. Since matters of heart being abstract as the physical manifestation of heart itself is, what people are looking for is those signs/symptoms/clues. Therein lies the market. :-)

saraskathiresan said...


S. Maheshkumar said...

We are here to influence each other, try to learn from each other's experiences, attract, reverberate, hate, consume, prey, pray for, enlighten, illuminate, ... , each other till we have the life-energy to exhaust. This is the plan and course of what one can boast of about life!

Shrinivas said...

Good thought flow....good one to read...I agree with your point that one needs to be natural and practical while coming to relationships!

yeomanly said...

Good Thoughts!!!!

Subramanian said...

The Saint in Chinmayi has spoken a bit of practical wisdom...!

Victor said...

hi i agree that wasting your time and giving headaches to yourself is not the way.. but i pardon me i dont quite agree with the thing that none is worth that.. some people are... c'mon life is boring if i think that no such people exist!
its simply the fact that people become so obsessed that they stop thinking.. an intellectual person will never make such mistakes..

Thiru said...

chinmayi, thats a great post. Even I tired of analysing the science behind this. You read so many Venus-Mars analogy, stats, etc to end up in wrong side one time or another. when u really feel, you wont look for such theories. Just you need not. I enjoyed reading it!