You know..

There are times in your life where your belief and the trust in people especially in the professional scenario is shattered to an extent that you think that the ground beneath you has cracked. It is happening to me for the second time this year. When the people you look up to, respect and trust to a fault turn out to be otherwise I wonder what life is all about. I followed some professional advice implicitly and all I see is a brilliant web I find myself in. We couldn't see it being spun. All because of trusting to the extent of not questioning anyone or even double checking. When my mother's instincts went into alarm mode, we decided to get into verifying the goings-on and are currently gaping to see the outcome and wondering how things came to pass. It happened once at the beginning of this year and it has happened again. And at this point in time, I hope and pray that this will be for the last ever time.

I realize that when I attempt to push the envelope in everything that I do and strive to go where no one has, as a student of music or anything that I might do, I realize that upsets a lot of people. That has been quite a constant in my life and my mother's.
Someday when I really become a true achiever, if and when I decide to write a biography of my mother's life and my role in hers and our collective experiences, the people we have seen, of course everything will be from a personal standpoint it could probably be a quite a wake-up call for most people. And for a lot of them, it might not be something new at all.
But now it makes me wiser. At one point in time, an expert on the stars predicted that I would not trust a soul in this world and would be super cautious. Then and actually to an extent even now it seems far fetched as my basic makeup is to trust and not doubt. I'd rather trust in the innate good that people have rather than be warped.
But perhaps I am heading towards the realization of that prediction, perhaps it was more like counsel.
I cannot and do not think I will be able to elucidate further, but to you, the reader of this blog, in a very silent way you contribute to a facet of my life. And there are some of you who make yourselves heard in the comments, there are a couple of things that I would like to share. Take it, maybe, with the proverbial pinch of salt.
I have learnt that nothing matters more than honesty, dignity, values and ethics. Even when tested, hold ground. My mom's life has been an example and continues to be. My grandad was another person who stood for values and honesty. Of course I would never know anyone else as well as I have seen my mother and her experiences. I have been taught and belong to the same mould. I also realize that when you are on the path of being straightforward, there are fewer people who like you and fewer people that compliment you on the way you are made because it upsets their pattern of life. But nonetheless, I can promise you that when this lifetime as you ends, you are not going to be wondering how many people you have pleased or what kind of a good certificate you have got. You would only be reflecting on the times spent, and no one else matters. And if at that point you were dissatisfied with what you have done and the choices you have made, you are going to be coming back to the same plane, presented with the same choices until you learn to make the right choices. That which is just and that which is righteous.
And another thing, we are all blessed with something called a gut feeling. Something that the learned will call "the voice of the higher intelligence". When something does not feel right, even if you are asked to make a certain choice or do something by someone you hold in high regard, trust your instinct first. And if your parents are blessed with it, follow that. You are your own counsel and judge. More often than not, you would be right. Trust yourself and to be able to have the guts to listen to your inner voice, they say meditation helps. I don't meditate myself but I guess my music practice sessions come close to that. Nonetheless I am going to be trying this soon.
No matter how tough things might be, trust yourself, trust your choices and decisions when they perhaps landed you in hot water, own up and get into damage control. And do not regret that you decided to do something. It had to come to pass and it is OK. Trust in the creator and if there are times that seem difficult, though I pray for you that you may never really have times that are very difficult - they could perhaps just skim the surface and show you a "Jhalak" but no more - hold ground, do the right thing and may God be with you.
And as I have said before, my blog is sometimes reflective. And most of the passages here I tell myself because I guess I want to hear this. This is more or less a blog to myself. But also to you
God bless and take care.