Life can be pretty strange at times. To an extent when you do not know whether you are supposed to be happy or sad or maybe, both at the same time. Wondering which responsibility comes first, that of a family member or that of a professional. 

Sangeetha Maha Yuddham, Day 1 of the shoot my mother fell through a gap in the set, an area which should have been marked for safety (However expecting all that in India is futile) and had a compound fracture in her foot. For the next week until the mad schedule of 3 episodes a day was over, she kept telling me it was only a sprain and that there is nothing wrong. She came in a miniature plaster and said that is just to keep the foot stable. She did such a good job of convincing me that I did get convinced. And during the time that she was in hospital and getting all this done was when a couple of wardrobe malfunctions had happened. A lot of times, we are hurried to say, the "floor is ready" and rushed and rushed and then we hardly have the time to notice the flaws in the appearance. Any more time spent  in it and I start worrying if I become the reason for any delay. Some sort of a skewed sense of responsibility I guess. Thereafter a lot of people advised me that the anchor is the face of a show and there is a lot more responsibility in presenting myself well than  being there on the sets before everyone else. Things I still learn. Anyway it was only at the end of that schedule that I knew that mom had had that fracture and it took her two months to heal. 

Second schedule of SMY, I land here after the shoot in Mumbai, to know that my grandmother, the lady in whose care I was through my childhood, had passed away. And for all the inner battle I went through, I had to stay and shoot and look happy/energetic/laugh/dress up in makeup and jewelery and make it all look genuine Who cares, anyway, if I was sick, or my grandmother had died, or something else had happened. The dates of everyone else, the floor, the unit, the set and so much money was at stake. It was worse for my mom. And I had to be and finish the shoot and continue shooting for the next 3 days at the same maniacal pace. I could not see the face of one of the most important women in my life for the last time. But then, I guess a situation like this may not be new, even to you, the reader. If someone is representing your organization and something like this happens, I have heard of people go ahead and do the needful in the professional front and then be back. 

Now there is a strange sense of placidity within. I am, however, not questioning the meaning of it all, or what truly matters at the end of the day. All I could do was send a prayer out to my grandmom. And hope she will forgive me. 3rd day from her passing, I picked up the Filmfare. And the photographer who took my picture with the award said, "Could you please look happier? Smile more? Energy!!!!" I guess through all that some melancholy had filtered through. And no one has time or energy for your melancholy. Your battles, your issues are your own. And we have got to deal with it and walk the walk and talk the talk.