Another post with a title block

I am invariably asked to sing at all the dubbing sessions. Recently its been chotta chotta/saarakathu.At the dub session today, the director asked me to sing Deivam thandha.., and he said you will always be the Deivam Thandha poo. And he said it moves him to tears each time. That's the genius of that composition. A lot of people asked how did you sing with such emotion/pain? I guess mom had gone through enough in life and I had watched it silently, that sadness was usually my default emotion. Nothing ever exhilarated me. Except maybe the first calls from Rahman sir's office. 

I never understood why Rahman sir chose to give such an amazing composition of his to a 15 year old novice.When I recorded for Mr SJ Surya (If you wanna..) just before the session was to begin, he asked "What have you sung before?" and he gawked when I said Deivam thanda poove.. He asked YOU??!

He said he expected the singer to be at least in her 30-s. Not a teenager. People used to ask what did you think of during KMI. Nothing. I didn't think of anything. I didn't know about emoting for the mother in the film. I didn't know who I was singing for/situation for Kannathil Muthamittal.  So yes, I knew nothing. And I guess I am glad I didn't know anything. Rahman sir knew how to make magic happen without saying much.

I was only concerned about singing well. I had no clue if my voice would be retained. Actually, even today when I record, I never know if my voice will be retained. People might change their mind. Which is why I dont talk about the film I have recorded for until it releases. 

I am thankful and grateful to the grace God has shown to me/us (mom and I), the opportunities that composers gave me.However,if you think people will welcome you just because you are talented, please Know that it is otherwise. No one lays out the red carpet. People will make your life tough. Attempt to make your life a living hell. Succumbing or succeeding would be the only options. For me, how I succeed is imperative. At the end of my life, I know I'll be known for never bending in my values. That's how I can make mom proud. And myself. 

The past few years of professional life have given me unparalleled experiences. The rosy path was probably 5/100th.  (If that fraction is mathematically wrong, I am sorry, fractions were never my thing. For that matter.. maths wasnt my thing after 7th std. That was when my 100s started their downward journey :p )

In some film that I forget the title of, the elder lady of the house says "Response under pressure is the best judge of character" Today when people are trying to express themselves in 140 characters, I am wondering if I can judge them based on that or just watch the space. If someone could be judged that way, then a lot will fall into racial/sexual abuse category. 

Yesterday I was listening to Mr N Ram of the Hindu and he happened to mention that a Gentleman from somewhere met him at his office and he added "I will not reveal who because I do not have his permission to do so". While I listened to Mr Ram, the more I felt that I am meeting less and less people who have their basic etiquette, ethics, values and more than anything else, their manners in place. 

And today people are racing to be the first to say, I met him/her. S/he said this/that. Without even checking first. Many a time, I have admonished - and I use the word admonish, because that is exactly what I did - those who publish gossip. Or publish news about someone without verifying first. What is with this sudden wannabe I want to be a news-breaker disease that people are into? Is it the quest to feel important, if only for a few minutes?

Why are people not able to debate on issues without bringing up unnecessary and totally unrelated parameters today? My mom always told me that disagreement / fights are on issues and not with the person.

Recently someone told me that they didn't want to have children because the world is a terrible place to bring in a baby. And I understand where the thought is coming from. If you had to really look and observe the world seems to be disintegrating at a very rapid pace. Sooner or later, some like minded people might form groups and decide to be by themselves like in the 'Village'. Anything is possible.

However, though this post may have started somewhere and head somewhere else, it is just a random log of various thoughts that decided to present itself in my head.

A lot of times, in despair have I turned to my mother and asked why is it that God is using us for his entertainment? Everyone who seems to be on the opposite end of honesty and ethical seems to be doing so well.. and way better. But maybe, as I had blogged earlier on the same lines, I would not have been able to be any other way. But then I still ask God the same question. That he seems to be punish the just more than anyone else and that there has to be an end to this 'testing'. What else can one do anyway? And at times it is not even God. The question goes out to the Universe, to Whomsoever it may concern.

I guess I ll take a lifetime and the time after this lifetime to know for sure, why I was born this way. And was to have lived this way. 

And, with my mom's blessings, it would have been a lifetime that spoke of unbending principles.

I shall look forward to my epitaph.