Lamhaa - Madhno / Saajna

2008 August was when I sang for this brilliant composer called Mithoon. I had met him for the first time then. After a few phone calls, Mithoon and his wonderful, illustrious father Sri Naresh Sharma were here in Chennai. After speaking with them I sang the song which turned out to be quite a long session. There were technical difficulties, power cuts that lasted more than a couple of hours and the recording experience was absolutely beautiful and I happened to blog this just after I came back home. I still remember the words forming in my mind while I was coming back. 

When I heard the track of this song for the first time at the studio I had to fight tears. It was soul stirring to say the least and it really hit me. Unfortunately for Mithoon it turned out to be quite embarrassing. He turned and asked, "Do you have a cold?" Would you be able to sing today? or something like that.. And I honestly said the song is beautiful and it really moved me. Later he told me that he found that very strange, for someone he was coming across for the first time and then almost crying to his song. Mithoon came across as a highly spiritually advanced human being and he should have been a highly  precocious child. Small Wonder though. If I am not mistaken he started composing for films at 17.  He should be about 23 now. Needless to say after I got back home I googled him and heard his music and there began a great admiration for his music. Soulful and divine I thought, his Maula Mere, Tere Bin and the songs in his album Tu Hi Mere Rab Ki Tarha Hai.

Here is the trailer of Lamhaa featuring the song. The audio releases second week of June.

SouthScope Interview

Which has happened in this month's issue. Thanks Maha for the scan!

So many times have I wanted to type in this white space with all these formatting buttons and transliteration options and with links to preview, edit and compose only to be held back by the unconditional trauma of having have to choose a title, perhaps akin to what some film makers go through when they come across the all important process of having have to name their characters. Which is why out of sheer boredom or perhaps, the tiredness of the aforementioned process of having have to come up with a spine-tingling name, the very same ones that have been given to heroes and heroines outstandingly long periods of time, get chosen. Rahul, Raj, Tina, Priya, Karthik. The naming bit I have already written about has apparently led to some crazily demented inferences on what the supposed 'underlying thought' could have been with the name. So many people in this world have so much time. Time that I wish I could add to my day, if only that were ever possible.

Like clouds that meander in to a clear blue sky, thoughts tip toe into a mind that is already crowded with all the somethings, everythings and nothings of the world that I have willingly or unwillingly procreated. Some thoughts do have to tip toe I guess, some really good ones can only do that with all the everything that is happening around, maybe like a child that totters into a room full of self consumed adults talking about what exactly is going wrong with the politics of the state only to come to the conclusion, like every conversation that takes place in dining rooms and drawing rooms, coffee houses and tea tables, that its all going to the dogs and nothing can be done. And another time it resurfaces when there is an apparent calm with everything else maybe because the everything else decides to take an afternoon siesta. Right now I am so bitten by the travel bug. I really wish I could get out of here and out there, somewhere, anywhere. Escape almost. For a while. I keep romancing the concept of silence and serenity. So perhaps someplace like that. Sometimes I get into a divine romance. Of romancing spirituality and living a life of austerity. Maybe not of austerity. But definitely out there in the mountains and being where I am constantly in a state of joy, where the weather and everything else will have no effect on me. Nothing can change me. But of course the path I have chosen is quite diametrically opposite to all that. Nothing wrong here. I am OK. But at times it is like a beautiful day dream I conjure up. A beautiful escapade it would be. Actually its lovely this life, my life, without much attachment to as many things as most average people have. I could probably need only my hand digits to count, maybe only those on my left hand, to count out the number of people/things that I am attached to. A lot of people don't have that sort of freedom. So many are so weighed down. And I see most people are not in control of their own lives. They have so many people to ask starting from family to workplace to a lot of other things before they even plan a trip somewhere. Hmm. The only down thing of living in the mountains far far away is that I cannot get my baking supplies. Which is now my new found love .. hehe.

Anyway I have been reading this book, Eat Pray Love. And you should absolutely read it. Its quite wonderful.
Also, just in case you missed it, this post and a lot of my following ones will not have a title. I got some mails saying titles help the RSS feeds. But then, if you are really interested to read all the nothing and somethings that I am saying, you will have to make the effort to check once in a while :)
And yes, if you can, do read. And do travel. Any Book. Any place. 

Its been 5 years and one day

since I started blogging. Brought to my notice by Jaya in a comment. She says I should blog about it and here I am with nothing much to say except that I am surprised at the time that has flown past. Have seen interesting, heart-warming, complimentary, rude, lewd, downright sexist and several other categories of comments. I have written whenever I felt like ranting, sharing, informing, soul searching and whenever I felt like weaving the occasional yarns of an imaginary world into a tapestry.

To you, reading this, Thank you, for being a part of this journey.

To the Ladies / Chefs (Michelin rated or otherwise ;))

Is the KitchenAid standmixer the absolute best? Let me know :)

Happened to be reading an Amar Chitra Katha this evening. I usually read and re-read most of the titles I have. Just picked one off my shelf and found the title on Velu Thampi, one of the first freedom fighters of India hailing from Kerala. Its impossible to shake off the feeling that builds in my stomach after reading their lives, exploits, the things they did for their rulers and their land, the country and their sacrifices. Have been watching a lot of movies lately, some great suggestions thanks to a friend of mine and its truly amazing how some movies can alter your perception and open completely new windows to a new horizon. And just like that, I happened to watch Lions for Lambs. Maybe this feeling of despondency, the feeling of being taken for a ride by our own rulers today, exists in every country. The news channels are rumoured to be controlled by politicians themselves like a lot of films  lead us to believe and it does kinda make sense. The media make us look at things in a certain way and also, I have come to believe, condition us to look at things a certain way, in a way they want us to believe. Yes, I agree there are things that the common man need not know, just like in an organization, what happens in a board meeting is not something that a common employee can or need be privy to. Strategies happen at several different levels apparently. There are things that are beyond our understanding and there needs to be - I would like to presume here - a superhuman level of intelligence to run a certain type of an organization, be it an NGO, a Private Ltd Company, a Political party or even a country.

There are people who would like to raise a voice and do something to make a change, or a journalist refusing to buy the story that a politician throws him, like the one so brilliantly portrayed by Meryl Streep in the film (Lions for Lambs), but what she perhaps feels and undergoes, or what I think and perceive her to be undergoing would be exactly where I am right now. And where so many people in our country are. Maybe throughout the world. The fire is there in each of us and it is also as easily and commonly extinguished by well wishers, people who have already been there and tried to do all that, newspapers which so easily feed us the stories of disaster and trials that people that raise a voice go through and we follow our judgment to leave all these higher ideals alone and settle to a life of comfortable routine and emotionless existence. But somewhere embers remain, ready to burst into flames. And by emotionless I mean the lack of emotion or the attachment that is toward our land.

Reading that they are going to be handing out auto permits to anyone and everyone gives a sense of dread and happiness at the same time. Dread that the traffic is going to be worse. Happiness that perhaps the permits will (maybe) finally be out of the clutches of all these unions and politicos who run the rumored auto mafia, giving a feeble hope that there might finally be some good men who will drive those yellow contraptions better and be better citizens on the road.

Bagha Jatin, Veer Savarkar, Velu Thampi how many that loved our land so much and wished that the generations in the future would wake up to the skies over a free motherland. How many women committed Sati and Jauhar. How many women took up arms. A lot of times I feel that we are all a pack of ungrateful wretches. I wish those leaders could return. And there are more times now, than any other that I wish that they would come back. To knock the sense back into our skulls and teach us discipline that we have found convenient to forget. We don't even seem to have a simple civic sense and sense of duty. Its possible that you, who are reading this post would be different, having the same angst as I am (considering that we are the more 'educated', informed, wishing for and becoming the change, in ourselves and others).  

I cannot believe the number of times an auto, even a BUS (!!!) has run into so many people in a one way by coming from the wrong side, bus drivers whose new hobby is to scare women drivers / two wheeler riders as if they are about to run into them, and then laugh over it, cars that come in your lane, but from the opposite side. Then we are told to open our eyes and drive. What the hell I feel like asking. I follow the rules and still I have to pay? God forbid an accident does happen, I have to pay nonetheless and so will my insurance company for no fault of mine. Worse if a traffic policeman comes in to "set things right" bribing begins to happen or so they say. I haven't been in a situation like that before and I sincerely hope and wish I do not. There is a chance that I won't take nonsense and I might have to 'pay' for my sense of righteousness or smartness or whatever it is. Roads are perhaps at their worst today. And it could be worse. 

I wish this country could change to be one where religion is not propagated and sold like a commodity. Offering juicy baits to increase numbers and at times these baits are emotional well being. How many people get played. All because we as had become foolish enough to give in to our mammoth egos and let go of our joint family systems. Because no longer would we listen to the voice of reason and slowly the elders stopped speaking to the young. The transfer of knowledge and wisdom waned. 

I wish the caste card were not played to the hilt all the time in this country. Someone I knew had to vacate from her own apartment because a tenant below had such a huge inferiority complex of belonging to a 'lower' caste, whatever in God's name that is, (which is also fed to him by leaders of his own kind who keep giving him the "we are oppressed" slogan rather than instilling the idea in him that he is beyond his caste, creed, colour and language and that he is one of the most special people on this earth and that he can be whoever he wants to be and none of  those parameters matter) and he raised a big hue and cry saying she called them by the name of his caste. So many people use the caste card to their advantage and the country makes it easy for them to do so, while the real sufferers get no justice. 

But then like they say, power does corrupt absolutely and even apartment associations run a racket that is beyond any comprehension. They form their own groups, establish laws, which by the way does not seem to do any good for anyone, if they want to drive someone out they easily can, by cutting water supply, just like that or giving trouble in how many ever ways they can and eventually drive them out. Rumor has it that there are people in in so many areas in Chennai who must be bribed so that someone can remodel or perhaps and reconstruct their own house, just so that they can do so in peace.  In some places its the usual racket of bringing and driving out tenants so that there is a steady stream of commission that some people can eat into. If an apartment or a street or an area can do all that what would a politician not do? That said, I have met some brilliant IAS officers too, in some of the meets that I have been in or events that I have attended. They seem to have done tons of work in the areas that they have been allocated.

At this point please do not ask me what I have done or tell me to stop cribbing or ranting or raving or a simile on those lines. Also, do not ask me the list of things I have done or the charities I have been a part of. That is also something I will not talk about. I am not a politician to list out the things I have done for the betterment of anyone or anybody and neither will I become one. I am not crafty enough for that sort of a thing.  Neither am I the direct descendant of Chanakya. Perhaps it would be great if he were reborn and sets things right. I will crib, I will complain and I will rant about things that disturb me. But I pray with my complete being during a lot of my conscious moments and because this is such a deep rooted one, I am sure its a constant sub conscious wish. I really wish to see this country shining. And I really hope that we all, especially the politicians can be worthy of all the sacrifice that so many of our ancestors have done and more so, of the sacrifice that people of our army are doing on a daily basis - those that have not held back from laying down their lives for a country, a country whose leaders are perhaps signing treaties and agreements and pacts that we might never really know of, barters and deals that may even sell of the best interests of people like us - and like they say, in blissful ignorance do we live. In blissful ignorance and complete faith in our leaders do the soldiers of every country fight. Not knowing what they are fighting for and for whom. There was a famous saying - Imagine there is a war, and nobody turns up? (Its perhaps from a song) I don't know if the normal citizens would have the common sense to not show up at a war rather than become chess pieces in a board that world leaders can move and remove at their will and pleasure. 

But despite all the hopelessness I pray. I pray for a better land. A better future. All that I can do is pray. With all my heart. With the hope that the Universe will answer in all its glory.

Didn't really follow the IPL matches and I went about performing at the MAC a couple of weeks ago. Never realized performing to a crowd who had actually come to watch cricket would have ended up being fun. Had Vijay Narayan (from Super Singer) sing along with me. It would perhaps go down in history as the sultriest performance that I was a part of. I thought nothing could top the Times of India concert with Rahman sir. Remember all of us at melting point. But yeah this performance topped that one. I parked myself with the scorers thankfully who were super kind to let me watch the match with them. One of the scorers recognized me from ages ago and it was nice watching the processes that they were involved in. Also knew for real that I knew nothing about cricket. So it was almost like a crash course. And yes, watching the match live is a super experience and it will be one I shall cherish coz we'd won the match that day. And gotta give it to the guys who managed the sound that day. Was expecting only the worst that evening and I was the happiest that day. Super sound and even more magical monitors. I could finally hear what I was singing. Its a very rare occurrence as far as I am concerned. I am seldom happy with the sound that I get as feedback. Goes for some studios too. Its hard to figure out whether we are pitching properly, leave alone perfectly if this is not taken care of. And as I see there is no such thing as a "one size fits all" kinda setting with this. Maybe I am the difficult ones. Nevertheless I was also part of an amazing photo shoot with Mr Selva and found a great designer in a long time friend - Satkrit. Its quite impossible to describe the feeling to see people you have seen as a child or a teenager and then find yourself working with them, and happily, to top that :) Hosted an audio release, dubbed for another movie, sang a few songs, learnt a couple of new skills and that has been a summary of weeks that have gone by.

I know that I have a tendency to start a lot of my paragraphs or posts here with "There are times.." or something similar to that. But yes there are times and there are some more and some more.  Sometimes I wish this time thing would stand still, sometimes I wish it could fast forward. Sometimes I wish I could reach the end and then perhaps rewind - like I can do with a DVD. There are times that we question what we are doing, what we stand for, see if we can turn ourselves inside out and perhaps see what is on the outside is fit enough to go deeper. What would it be like to shed or change a certain episode or a circumstance just like we do with clothes? To move at will wherever whenever. To not be bound by the skeins of time. Skeins that glisten in the sunlight. Skeins that are so delicate. But are they? Sometimes they are far from. And just like that, a single skein turns to a vice that grips your hand making your skin look like its about to be churned. Sometimes this is a thorny vice drawing blood at contact and drawing some more as it tightens leaving behind a hurt body and a tired soul. There are times we laugh so much that we can cry. And there are times that we wish we can empty our souls, even if it were only to yourself and an empty room, in tears that ebb and flow but cannot. Try as we might, there is no emotion. There is no feeling. Sometimes there is a wish to know that feeling of not existing. The nothingness that is eulogized about. At times there is romanticizing that idea. So many different paths and so many different choices. The choice for or against each of those changes everything irrevocably. Sometimes so many things can never be. And sometimes we wonder what could have been. And then its almost as if the wind that blows through my window whispers the lines of Robert Frost of two roads diverging in a yellow wood, all around me. I wonder, just for a few seconds, on what he could have been thinking of when he inked that. Sometimes I wonder if it is possible to really not be attached to anything or anybody. And I am beginning to believe that it is. Dispassionate. Emotionless. No attachment of any feeling to anything whatsoever. But that would be the state that sages reach, would it? I am given to understand there is joy in the wake of such a state. It would be good to be nothing. To disappear into the light. Right now. And maybe forever after. Just curious to know what it would be like. And yeah I will come back and blog about it cos I think 140 characters on Twitter is too less hehe.

After that post ranting about Skoda I almost immediately got an Email from the customer service in Ahmedabad asking what the issue was. I wrote to them and told them of the problems I am facing. Looks like they are getting their act together. As I have said before I love the car, the mileage and everything else about the machine. Really hope they can work on the service angle. That way I am yet to find a maker who can top the service backup and the treatment of Maruti. No matter who you are they treat you well. The service engineers know what exactly to do and they serve the customer (and not themselves or their perks or whatever it is) and help them find a way to get things done that is easy on the customer's pocket. And in Skoda's case I really wish they can work on these issues and keep their customers happy, no matter who they are.

Looks like the post about the Skoda service has reached some places. Now the Gurudev people from Chennai call and tell us that there are 'issues' in a car that is perfectly fine. The guy at the body shop tells us that we should have called him first. Why should we give him a call? Then what about the system? Why should we call a certain so-and-so just because we know him? In this whole deal it is interesting to see the length to which a company can go to substantiate their incapacity and inefficiency. Yes, so here is one more. Don't bother about the Free camps offered by Skoda either if you are an owner. The treatment is beyond terrible. Found a few other people in the industry who had their own cup of woes overflowing about Skoda in Chennai. Time Skoda gets it act together. Nevertheless they are on their way to losing a few customers. Thanks to this entire exercise I came to know about this awesome site - Team Bhp which also had this about Skoda.

Have a read and it will help you decide the car you want to buy.

Please don't buy a Skoda

If you are contemplating a Skoda car, please stop. The cars are great no doubt. I love mine. But you are in for loads of trouble mainly for the kind of service backup that Gurudev Motors in Chennai have. When I tweeted about it yesterday, I found out that the Skoda dealers all over India and specifically in Mumbai are equally terrible. Skoda invited us for a "Free Checkup" and then presented a bill that run up to a few ten thousands, for a perfectly fine car. I have loved the Skoda cars because some of my friends and acquaintances have owned it and quite happily too. The main reason I chose it was for the mileage. For some reason their spares are outrageously expensive and when I asked someone why, this is a racket. I hear that the dealers do not make much of a commission on the sales of cars and the companies tell them to make their buck in the service. maintenance and of course the spares. And hence all the fictitious 'issues' that they will conjure out of thin air and make you wonder what is happening. But then I am not the first one who has begun complaining and loudly. A lot of my friends have the same grouse against Gurudev Motors in Chennai. Someone I know bought a brand new Laura for his son's wedding and the car stalled half way down the wedding venue. He asked for a replacement for sentimental reasons as well and Gurudev literally asks him to fly a kite. Says he can do nothing about the car and not even rectify the issue in the company's expense, which I think is the legitimate thing to do considering the car was not even 4 hours old. Quoting Vijay Iyer "All Skoda dealers suck !! If you Google or go to teambhp.com and search for a case on a dealer called Numero Ains in Mumbai, you will know what i am talking about...the customer who had a brand new car had all his original parts replaced by used ones by the authorised dealer - the customer took them to court and used his media contacts and finally Skoda had to terminate their license..."

The problem is this, someone has media contacts and can do this. But what about the guy who does not? The guy who cannot pull he proverbial string? And I wonder how Skoda allows stuff like this to happen and how they don't have stringent measures in place to check what their dealers are doing. 

Been getting subtle and not so subtle messages and mails that I have not been blogging at all. Some said on Twitter that yes, I am active there, but should continue to write here. Honestly haven't found a trigger for a long while. Did not feel like coming to this space and write about something that truly wanted me to write about. Though I really don't understand why the traffic situation in Chennai is so bad that someone is driving in the against the flow of traffic and have been seeing this for the past week. Yesterday it was an Octavia. I realized I cannot trust that just because I am on the right side of the road, driving the way and in the direction I am legally and rightfully entitled to, never know when I would have to face the hood of another vehicle. 4 autorickshaws today. Don't think anyone wants to follow rules in this city anymore. And yes that infuriates me. Today there was this bus on College Road whose driver thought it was best to see how good a driver my mom was an almost swerved into her car. Just when I thought this was THE END of me seeing this guy hurtling down, he swerves to the left and then starts laughing. Then says, Ladies oatreenga illa. Paathu badhrama oattunga. Looks like thamizh naattu kalaacharam teaches this as well. 

In retrospect, I wish I were the kinda person to drag the guy out and throw him on the road, like Superman or something. Or like the goons in Tamil cinema. It is really sad to see a city that I have grown up in have citizens like this bus driver today, who is a public servant, whose salary is being paid for thanks to the taxes that all of us pay. Citizens like those who intentionally drive against the flow of traffic head on. Right now it is depressing that I live in this city. Don't know if I have anything really to be proud of being a part of this city. Yes I am usually an optimist but this is a downtime. Someone told me in Twitter "Stop complaining and blend in". When there is bullcrap happening, I am expected to blend in? Sorry, I said. Sorry I wont blend in with Bull crap. And truly Sorry I am. Sorry of the state of affairs that is prevalent in my city today. Well what can I do? Not sure at all, except perhaps wish I were superhuman and could right the wrongs. I personally can do nothing about the behavior of the bus driver or the auto drivers who seem to be a mafia of their own. Tell some two wheeler, ask them but politely to drive carefully, out spills the profanity and a certain finger at times. What went wrong I wonder. Uninspiring parenting? Didn't they have inspiring teachers in school? In addition a lack of personal sense of justice and righteousness. Like my lawyer said, in a Utopian world, where is the need for Lawyers or Policemen or Judges? Really where would the need be? Or the laws should be as cold  and merciless as in Japan or the Gulf countries perhaps. Would that change things? 

The other day, I remember giving a byte to a channel on "Why I love Chennai". I am glad it was taken on a happier day. If I had to do it today, I would have probably said, "Not today....and maybe not tomorrow either".

Fresh voice to sing with Chinmayi on stage shows

I am looking for fresh voices (male & female) to participate with Chinmayi on shows.

Tuneful, flexible voices, pl. send in your compliance with your e-mail address and phone numbers.

The replies will not be published in the comment section of this post.

Padmhasini

Anyone here

who lives in the Maldives? Please do leave a comment.
Thanks a ton in advance.

I forgot to mention something and instead of inserting it in the previous post, I decided do write anew. Dubbing for Theeradha Vilayaattu Pillai and Vinnaithaandi... happened at the same time and the hero's name in both movies is Karthik. I was also dubbing for the Telugu versions of both movies and incidentally I had probably said the name Karthik a million times. One of those days I had a recording in the night and had to walk into the next day, I started calling random people and my mother also, with the name Karthik.. got up in the morning and said absent mindedly "Karthik... I want coffee" to Amma.. If I had mentioned any other name, she would have been happier thinking and had the feeble hope that I had finally found someone, but since she knew that was the name of the hero in two movies, at the same time, she new better. The number of times I have said Karthik or even the name Gautham in the movies I have dubbed is phenomenal. Karthik ... Gautham.. Gautham... Karthik.. There was a rare Shakthi or a Ravi here and there. Someone once told me that naming the hero and heroine is a big issue for several people and hence they usually just pick something ... like Prem or Rahul in Hindi movies.. they cited this example. I forget who told me this.. Anyway that is that.

Voice of Trisha in Vinnai Thaandi Varuvaaya / Samantha in Ye Maaya Chesaave

As always I write about this here only on the day of the film's release. The entire experience of being a part of VTV has been amazing. The dubbing, singing in the movie, performing at BAFTA London, once again in Chennai, the rehearsals that went with that and more than anything else, getting to meet and spend time with people like Mr Rajeevan, Mr Anthony, Manoj Paramahamsa, Nalini Sriram and such super creators who were there during the trip to London and thanks to that I got to know all of them. The direction team who assist Gautham sir are good friends too now. 

Dubbing in Malayalam was something I was hyper excited about. I have always loved the language and have hoped to learn it properly and maybe even be fluent in it. But for some strange reason, every time I learn a certain word or expression, someone else comes along and says that is wrong Malayalam. Despite all that I hope I get to speak some acceptable dialect, someday.
 Now, more than ever I am adoring and admiring the people who are connected to this craft. The passion that they have, their ability to give their all, work 24 hours a day for several days,  even weeks at a stretch, their take on things which might be abstract and interesting, I find them all very fascinating. I like the way they talk about their craft, on putting things together... These are the kind of people that students should listen to. Maybe listening to them will inspire the students enough to pursue their passion and go after the true calling of their hearts, despite everything and despite anybody. 

Gautham sir is someone who is so very open to suggestions from people and while working under him I observed that quality and reminded myself to learn from that. All that I had to do while dubbing for the movie was just hear him say the dialogue a couple of times and then repeat it.  He would literally act out every line. The way he says the dialogues are just awesome, for lack of a better word. I thought even if I could 'ee adichaan' copy the way he says the lines, or maybe as best as I can, it would be easy. The sessions were always fun. A lot of times Mr Ganesh would also be there and he is a man who is fun to have around. He has a quirky sense of humour and a peculiar voice. He might just be saying something like "I want to drink water" and I would double up laughing just for the way he says it. A couple of times I met Silambarasan at the dubbing studio and he used to do a great job of imitating Mr Ganesh. All the sessions were happy times, fun, with great food. I discovered the desserts of Sandy's Chocolate Lab during these and we used to pig out on the food during breaks. Gautham sir and his team are great foodies. I met some great people, got to know them, made a couple of good friends in the process and this experience has given me beautiful memories that I will cherish.
I also went to Gemini Labs to watch how the coloring happens. Mr Raghu gave me a nice demo of how things are done, courtesy Manoj. Manoj is one of the highly spirited people I have met and once he starts talking about his craft  there is no stopping him. I wanted to know what DI was and said I was curious to know how that works. And promptly the session was arranged and it was an eye-opener. This entire time was also a reaffirmation to myself to keep my ears open and remember to listen a lot more. So much to learn, so much to know. 

I also happened to visit when they were shooting Kannukkul Kannai. I could be there only for a very short while as the fumes of freshly painted sets was too much for me to bear. And there was the crew and the cast, working the entire day in that atmosphere. Trisha and Silambarasan okay-ed every take the first time. We have heard of things like that in interviews but it was wonderful to see that live. 

If you have watched the movie, which I really wish you do and in theatres, and like my dubbing, the credit goes to Gautham sir entirely. He inspires people to work that way. Something I have heard from Manoj also. Almost like he casts a spell I believe when he narrates the script to his crew.  I always thought if there are people like Gautham sir in classrooms we would have wonderfully inspired students. But then this is my perception. I think perhaps teachers that inspire are way too far and few between. Anyway, I am digressing. Thank you Gautham sir for another wonderful learning experience and thank you to the members of the VTV team that I have met, who have given me some great times.

Blue Elephant featured in the Indian Express

And here is the scanned copy which Kathiresan uncle took the pains of doing. (And I post it here for my own records - easy to retrieve, whenever, wherever if it is a click away on WWW)

I am setting some goals for the company and hope to achieve them by the end of the year. God help me. 

I have perhaps blogged about this before... One of my favorite songs is 'Say' from the OST of Bucket List sung by John Mayer. I wish I get to see movies made like the Bucket List in India,  but anyway that is not my point here..

Have been listening to this song over and over and the lyrics, simple as they can be.. How tough it is to say what we need to say? Can we really say whatever we need to? And as one of the lines in the song goes, It is better to say too much / Than never to say what you need to say, again

There is always this question of who will judge, who will think what, who will say what after  we have said whatever we have felt like. It is not that easy to not have regrets after we have done something that we have wanted to, especially when it did not work out the way we expected it to.  Yes we might have regrets, perhaps we might feel like punching ourselves, especially if there is embarrassment in its wake, but laud your guts that you did something that most people can never do. Or perhaps we did not have any vision of how things could be, but we did some things nonetheless. I think now, correct me if I am wrong, that we all bother way too much about what the others would think when we did/said something even if that is one of the things we want to do the most. We lead entire lifetimes thinking, bothering, worrying about an opinion of someone, somewhere who is going to be of zilch use to you or your scheme of things in life - not that every one needs to be of some 'use' - but why is this obsession on what others think? Who put this notion in our heads? As one of my friends says, when he hears a line which starts with "They say.....", He immediately retorts, "Who the *@$%#%# are 'they'? Who are these  Log, or oorla naalu paeru? Why do these "they" with no particular identity have such a profound effect on our lives and decisions that affect it?We are given this gift called a lifetime. And what a waste we make of it sometimes. We go against our conscience a lot of times. But yes there are times when we have to worry about things we do do which might have an impact on the community in a negative way. Say if you are wiping out entire acres of trees, or driving a vehicle which smokes like an industrial chimney, or something on those lines. 

So many times in life mom had come across groups of individuals who would come and advise her on how to do things. Then another will say whatever she had been doing would be wrong and that she has to start over. At different points in time in life. Now there are people that tell me that I should not be on this blogging/tweeting scene and that there should be more exclusivity. And that a musician needs to maintain the distance. Sometimes I feel that they are right. Considering some comments I get, I wonder why people are so obsessed with obscenities and the related but why should I be subject to all this is their question. Yes it does make sense several times. But if and when I don't blog, it would perhaps be because I have tired of this medium of expression and there would be a proper goodbye. I don't see it happening for now but the thing is, no matter what you do, there will be tons of free advice. And in Oscar Wilde's words "I always pass on good advice. It's the only thing to do with it. It is never any use to oneself." 

But I will also tell you this, some words have a certain ring to them, when they come from people that really wish well and mean well for you, you'll kinda know. And even though at times you might not be in agreement with everything that you are hearing,  it is best to give it a listen, sincerely.  

And here is what I feel. Our lives are way too special to be governed on what an x y or z could think about what we do or say. I assure you, as one of our well wishers said, people are too busy doing their own thing and dealing with their own issues to bother about us. So if you want to do something, or dream of starting something, go ahead and start it. You know where to get your wise counsel from, at times it comes from unexpected quarters as well but keep your ears and eyes open, and begin it. Boldness has Genius, Power and Magic in it. These words I thought were by Goethe but there seems to be some debate about it. No matter who said it originally, take the words for what they are and go ahead, chase your dreams, try even if you think you might fail. The Universe already loves you. Love it back by loving yourself and accepting yourself for who you are. 

Much love to you.

Journeying...

Have been catching up with a couple of friends lately, people I have lost touch for several years now. When I was younger I really did not do everything that everyone did. For most people I was too driven. Which is why when people tell me of friends they have grown up with, best buddies and things like that, all I can do is smile and wonder what is like. I didn't have a group of close friends. When the ubiquitous Friendship day happens and the magazines/papers call me for a quote, it is one of those times I am at a total loss for words. They ask me to describe friendship or true friends. Here its tough for me to draw from experience. I sometimes wonder why and all but I don't regret it. I have met several people along the way, have silently watched, listened to or learnt from them. Some have left a mark. Some have left bruises. Some scars. But a mark nonetheless. And this week I finally met with friends after ages really. Now I cannot help but smile when this flashback happens, filmi style :) and to see the changes, to see the evolution. The wisdom in the words and in the eyes. And how some endearing mannerisms thankfully stay. I got the Bhagavad Gita as a gift today and intend to start reading it soon. This friend was telling me, that when I was his colleague, new and all, I apparently hummed while I worked (when I worked while still in school that is) and then he turned and asked "why are you humming?". And I'd said "because I sing". And then he said "uhhppp .. hahaha.. did you hear that.. she sings songs". And he said this evening, he apologised for it. I have absolutely no recollection of this incident but it was hilarious to hear this nonetheless. I worked with him when I was in 11th std. And then there was this girl I met  in the same office. Bright, funny, very smart, charming.... She eventually started her own theatre production and I was supposed to have worked with her. And just like that, on Valentines Day, she died. I just couldn't digest the fact at all. How could it happen I kept asking myself. I still do.

Life teaches you so many things. Sometimes it is in the face. Some times it is quiet. You win some people, you lose some people. But you don't want to lose people altogether. Not to death. And definitely not when you are some 50 years to get to an acceptable dying age. I will never claim that I was a great friend of hers but I had known her reasonably well. Its tough to push the lump that rises in the throat. 

And then there are people you meet, who exasperate and accuse you of something that you are not, or say things as strong as you ll never get there, you ll never be this or you ll never be that .. you ll meet them all along the way, No matter who you are. No matter what you do. But these are the people you need to be thankful for a lot more. Because in spite of everything, they contribute to the fire in your belly. Don't we need something every once in a while, to make you say "I ll show you!!" ?  Thank your stars for your detractors. For the people you meet on the way side, your co passengers. People will eventually get in and get off at various points. Its a ride. Bumpy, smooth, comfortable, lulls you at times. Love it, live it, hate it, experience it. There will come a time when you can say "I have arrived". Until then, keep going. Or maybe, you don't have to say that at all. When you arrive, the announcement is made. Perhaps. Ain't it?

P.S.: I blog and I write here to log certain thoughts that come to me at a certain point in time. Its a process wherein this is also something I do to watch what I am doing and thinking. And to keep in touch with you the reader. And like anything else a post is inspired by a certain set of events. Ideas and beliefs according to me need not be something that has to be unchangeable. What is the point to have only one set of ideas and hang on to it till death? Especially when there is a better option? I like the concept of evolving and I shall continue to do so. I like taking new ideas and suggestions as long as it leads to progression. Or to what my notion of progression is. It all need not necessarily have to conform everything under the heading of standard-ly accepted. Why conform to that anyway?  My journey is not about conforming to standards at all. Again, that is a personal viewpoint and I don't expect that you should agree.  And this space primarily is to watch that process.

Voice of Neetu Chandra in Theeradha Vilayaattu Pillai

This would be the second time I am dubbing for her after Yaavarum Nalam. The director of this movie, Thiru was fun to work with. He has this very just-out-of-college air about him. I dubbed for this movie at AVM, where the veteran engineer is very strict. He doesn't like too much joking about, laughing and the works. But he is a darling. He usually gives me a little bit of jitters while dubbing. Working on this assignment was not all that very easy though. But, as they say, when the Director is clear about what he wants then things become easy. I have also dubbed for Neetu in Telugu for the same movie as well. And around the time I saw the out-takes playing at the end credits. Hilarious it was. So when you watch the movie in the theatres, do wait and watch the end credits.

SSN College and the visit

was quite an experience. I met with the professors and the Dean first and also met the other two chief guests. I was able to interact a lot more with Mr Sudeep Jain, special IAS officer. Loved his speech and am truly admiring IAS officers. I have been pretty awed by what they had to say whenever I have heard them speak. One of my well wishers used to tell me that the IAS/IFS officers are some of the brightest minds and interesting people around. And I cannot but help agree. 

I was the last to speak and whenever I mentioned Vinnai Thaandi Varuvaaya the students there cheered so much that I was quite taken aback. I was perhaps OK with my talking and all and I did confess as soon as I went up that it was tough for me to be there and talk. I did do my singing as well at the end of whatever I had to say and truly the moments when the audience responds, those are the moments that I live for. 

To the Students at SSN, thank you very much for making my time there special. I shall cherish it.

Speaking at SSN College tomorrow

On Opportunities within India. I thought earlier that it would be too much of a topic for someone like me to handle. It seemed kinda out of my league. But then they asked me to give a personal take on how I utilized the opportunities presented to me. Hopefully it should be worth the while of the students there.  I hope I do a good job. It shall be the first time I shall be speaking in front of a college gathering. Its going to be a long drive to the college tomorrow and have to be ready really early to get there in time. 

If you have suggestions on what I can say, do leave a comment. 

Thanks again.

Voice of Sameera Reddy in Asal

I know I am late, but as is the self explanatory heading, I have dubbed for Sameera Reddy in Asal. I happened to meet her at the Vinnai Thaandi audio launch. She was kind enough to mention then that she liked my dubbing for her in Vaaranam Aayiram. She is such a down to earth person and has no airs about her and she is more of a stunner in real life.

This, of course, is the second time I am working with Saran sir. The first being Modhi Vilayadu. During one of those sessions I also got to know Mr Yuhi Sethu. I have never had the opportunity to be formally introduced to him and speak to him. I had a great conversation with him over lunch on several things, philosophy included. Unfortunately I did not get to meet Mr Ajith during these sessions. Really admire him, more so after his forthright speech at the FEFSI event yesterday. 

After I had dubbed for the movie Prabhu sir happened to suggest some changes and I heard he told the engineer at the studio that he would visit the dubbing studio and time it to when I went. I thought that was extremely kind of a man of his stature to say that. However, I met him earlier at another do and introduced myself. He was super friendly and I really did not expect him to be so affable. 

Am yet to catch the movie, hope to do so this week. If and when you watch the movie, please be kind enough to watch it at the theatres. And do also let me know what you thought. TIA.

Djakarta :)

Peaceful. Calm. Almost serene I would say. Wonderful hosts and wonderful food at their home. Mom has been here for 3 days and she has been learning the language with gusto.

Somehow I really wonder if the seats in aircrafts are designed for comfort at all. But then I can be weird. That's not the point anyway. We went to this place called Taman Mini which is Indonesia in miniature. Lovely concept. Reminded me of Dakshinachitra in a few ways because of the way they have replicated the houses that are found all over Indonesia in one place. Took enough and more pictures. And then there was this miniature monkey which rode its own mini scooter, which is what I would like to call that contraption. But it was adorable. The weather here was cloudy when we landed and it has been raining. Then there was the elaneer we had here. Definitely one of the biggest that I have seen and tasted. I also saw this interesting lake where they have recreated the map of Indonesia, its Islands et al. I could not but help compare that with the kind of wealth of resources that we have in India so much can be done but perhaps the bureaucracy just won't allow that. There were groups of dancers that were practicing the traditional dances. Indonesia seems to celebrate the Geetopadesha and the Ramayana quite a lot. A lot more exploring to do but now its time to get to work and decide on the show tomorrow.

Smiles

How many lines and quotations we have read and heard eventhough some of them are done to death. Smile. It improves your face value. Smile is a curve that sets everything straight. And lines like that. Funny, I only remember the done-to-death ones and not the interesting ones. There are wellness books and make-your-life-better books which would definitely put in a page/chapter that eulogises the Smile. Sitting here at KLIA and generally watching the people that have been walking in and out the past couple of hours, I haven't seen one smile yet. Yeah, well, no one might be in a mood to smile this early in the morning after a flight. At least the one from Chennai to KL neither gives you time enough for a good shut-eye nor is it short enough for you to stay awake and read or do whatever.

Was on my way home yesterday after only a few hundred things that had to be done and completed, to pick up the bags with nerves that were already bunched up. It was getting uncomfortably late. I looked out through the window at the buses. And the people traveling in them. Have several memories of the PTC. And then I saw this couple perhaps in their very late sixties or early seventies. The lady had a scarf around her ears. They had a nice aura to them. Perhaps someone does know when you look at them and the man caught my eye and he seemed to say something to his wife. By the time she turned to look something else had caught my attention. After a while I looked out at the buses again and his time I saw the lady looking at me. Not something I do all the time, but I waved out to them. Just felt like I should. And then they broke into one of the nicest smiles I have seen in a long while. They waved back. And then we went our separate ways.

2008 December. Was just finishing my breakfast show on radio and was getting back home. And I got this call enroute that Sridhar sir had passed on. I couldn't help the tears that flowed. I didn't think about what would someone think if they saw me crying and all that jazz. I noticed in a little while that I was quite a sight. And then there were these two girls on a two-wheeler in front of my vehicle. They waved out, caught my attention and mouthed a "Smile" and gesticulated for good measure.  More than a year later, I still vividly remember them and that signal.

The adults do everything they can to get one smile from babies. They coo, make funny faces, dance, blab... anything. And as we grow up, they are taught to wipe the smile off. So that kids can look "mature" at 6 and 3 quarters. And for several other important reasons like that.

Anyway, there is this lady "rekwethin passenjuhs thu prosceed foh bohdhing" and I better heed her call. Naresh Iyer and I are performing there tomorrow and am quite looking forward to it. Perhaps this will also be a tweeny holiday.

And here I wish for you that you come across smiles that brighten your day and give you memories that are special just as they have for me.
God bless.
P.S.: Read this amazing article in the inflight magazine of MH. And surprisingly it spoke about the happiest countries in the world - namely Bhutan, Denmark, Malawi and a few other places. And they had these wonderfully smiling pictures of children in Malawi. Perhaps it was the theory of attraction at play. On an off note, this issue of the MH magazine is one of the best that I have read.

Want to thank

A few people on the ARRahmanfans group on who have been perhaps way too kind with their words on what they think of me and my singing. I know of one name because Mr Vithur who is also a major fan of Rahman sir forwarded the mail to me - Mr Mundra and the other gentleman seems to have only an alias as I see it.

With all my heart, thank you for your kindness. I shall strive to live up to the compliments.

Rehearsals and etcetera (With additions)

More often than not, the rehearsals are the most fun. When we are all a little more chilled out and the heat starts getting to us only as it nears the time of the actual event on stage, but until then its all fun and laughter. At other concerts that I have been part of, the standard quip would be to say that the final rehearsal will be the concert itself. Also, some onstage mess ups, that perhaps only those that the artiste knows, mostly the musicians and co-artistes would also know and rarely the audience knows.

The rehearsals for Vinnai Thaandi Varuvaaya's audio launch had us all spend considerable time, jamming,  working out how we could perform the songs - especially since it would be the first time people would listen to it, there was some pressure there with a lot of joking and good humour thrown in. Gautham sir would be present for every rehearsal session. Early. He already knew all the lyrics, everyone's portions, entries, who would sing where, by heart and sang along with gusto.  I was suggesting he should sing sometime, though he already has in Vaaranam Ayiram, when the title cards play. He sounds good I think. Also, once we had set the order for all the songs and we would repeat it for the 2nd and 3rd times for reinforcement, Gautham sir gave the cues on who should sing when and where right after the first time. For me, it was something I had never seen a Director do. He gave his inputs on how the unplugged versions would be presented even as we put it together under Srinivas sir's guidance. Blaaze anna came up with this rap portion in Omana Penne that you won't find in the album. On Day 1 of the rehearsals, Omana Penne was the first thing that was set. While Srini sir and Benny were discussing how to come in to the song and while it was being put together, Blaaze Anna came up with this "million in one" lines and I was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Every other song fell in place too. There was this one session where Rahman sir had heard the entire unplugged version in London, for which I was not present as I was traveling from Kuwait to London. So there was no opportunity for me to meet him until we got on stage that evening at BAFTA. That was unsettling as well for me because his input before the show is the most valuable one. And I had no way of getting it. And his being there in the first row and watching us was a very jittery feeling for me. I think it was the first time that I was performing with Rahman sir in the audience. The second time, also, with the audio launch in Chennai.
I remember before all of us got on stage we were a bundle of nerves. And the guys kept saying it feels so different because the air is so formal. All this suit and tie and coat... they kept saying.  And they said it was because of that attire they felt nervous. Before we got on stage we formed a circle, held hands and Alphonse sir said this most beautiful prayer. I was so touched. It was one of the most sincere prayers I had ever heard or seen in a while. It did make a difference to how we felt. But I didn't loosen up until Hosanna was over. I joked with Srini sir later, that at every such momentous occasion, he is the opener. Even at the November Fest concert last year, when the curtains went up, he said that this is one of the times when the artiste is in awe of the audience and it does not help to be the first person to sing. Because that's when the entire sound systems and everything will be adjusted or readjusted. No matter how many sounds checks, Murphy's law is always at play. For that matter the audio engineers at London were downright brilliant. They set up the systems in about an hour. And yes Srinivas sir opened with Hosanna. And of course Srini sir opened with Hosanna.
I am trying to figure out, why it takes a while for me to find my bearing on stage especially with how I hear my voice. It takes at least a while to settle down and also because for the kind of songs that I have sung, the throw changes. Like for example between a Mayya Mayya, or a Miss you Da or a Sahana, singing them back to back in a show seems to be the engineer's nightmare. Whispery to husky to downright throwing my voice the way it can be heard to the last row without a mic is not something that a guy would like I guess. I might have to get this sorted too.
I realized that I had met Simon Webbe (of the Blue boy band), who had been kind enough to walk up to me and say that I have an awesome voice and said something like, "I didn't even know those notes existed.. you are an amazing singer". I figured he was a musician but I didn't recognize him but the next day, Ravi of the VTV team asked me whether I had met Mr Webbe. And I asked Who? And Ravi said "he wanted to meet you." Then I came back home, all the way back to Chennai that is,  googled and was like ack!! Yes I was polite and all, but it would have been nice if I had known his work and who he was. Ah well.  Until we were called on stage we were peeping through the door to see what was happening and apparently the audience was loving what Gautham sir was saying. We heard a lot of laughter. And then we were called on stage one by one. Srini sir had said that singers should be invited to audio launches as a norm but this has become an exception. And perhaps because Gautham sir is into music he treated us all so well. And made us feel special. Rahman sir made a rare display of his sense of humour on stage after everyone had expressed their thanks, Rahman sir said "I want to thank my wife. I wanted to wear this tie but this (collar) was too tight, And she helped stitch this button here which made it possible to wear the tie. So I want to thank my wife". Some smart alec later called out to her "Great job with the button".
This performance onwards I was making an effort to smile while singing. I had heard so many people tell me to do that, including my mother. Of course even I don't have the wisdom to take it the first time when mom tells me. And now people ask me if I was smiling throughout the show because I forgot the lyrics. Hehe.. Nice. But should be sticking to this and making a few more changes on my performance side as well.

I remember Devan remarking, perhaps during the rehearsal in Chennai before everyone took off to London, that more than the show, the rehearsals is what we would all remember the most. Devan is perhaps the funniest guy I have ever met. Tremendous sense of humour, great timing and the anecdotes he had to share had all of us in splits. I remember this time, when I had just met Devan and Harish Raghavendra and during the time that we were killing before we had to go on stage, both of them  were unstoppable and mom and I were a complete gone case with all the laughing. My voice took quite a while to recover. Just in case you don't know, laughing does no good to the singing voice. Its one of the worst things to do before singing. Which is why Srini sir also told them not to put Devan on the same flight as him and the others. Because we knew we would all have laughed so much that we would have no voice left. And sometimes he made these funny faces while playing the guitar, that we had to physically turn away and look somewhere else while he played his bit. And also, the majority there would speak Malayalam, i.e. Benny, Stephen, Srinivas sir, Alphonse sir, Alaap who joined us for the performance at Chennai and they would ramble off and Devan would say "Cut the Asianet".  The quietest person is Blaaze Anna. Doesn't speak much at all. But when he gets up and raps.. oh wow. But perhaps I have learnt more Malayalam than ever thanks to all the time we spent at the rehearsals.

But yes, all rehearsal sessions are not happy pappy as this one or as positive. Some are truly painful, emotionally that is or just uneventful.

Again, I hope to work with Stephen and Devan too sometime, if they have the time/inclination. Let's see. I really want to start working on my own albums but the way things are and with the downloads, even if someone is kind enough to invest in an album, how does the ROI happen. Or does it anyway? Hopefully we will figure this out...

The rehearsals and the performance for this launch was musically gratifying, a thought that all of us shared. And yes, life does show some spring colours.

As for today, though it was Pongal, I didn't like it one bit. The day wore high heels, dug them deep in clayey soil and dragged.

Latest Release in Uthara Swayamvaram for M Jayachandran

I have sung for M Jayachandran sir after quite a while and like every song that I have recorded for him, this one is also very special. This is a duet with Vijay Yesudas, perhaps the next release after our duet in Pokkisham. Jayachandran sir is a strict task master and he gave me my break in Malayalam with the song in the album Swandham. Except for Thilakam, every song I have sung in Malayalam movies is for him. He is soft spoken, supra patient with teaching me  the song and Malayalam and has told me several times that I am like his little sister. And I have loved his music and his style.

The last few times I sang for M Jayachandran sir, there was this interesting guy called Sainoj, a very good singer who proclaimed that he would be my Malayalam Guru, who would also guide me on the singing and pronunciation. We met and spoke mostly during recordings, during the lunch breaks if and when they happened around the time of the sessions. Occasionally he used to drop a line on Orkut. I am given to understand that he has a couple of tremendous hits to his name recently and was touted to be one of the fastest rising singers there. But then God did have different plans and one day a few weeks ago he collapsed, slipped into a coma and eventually slipped away. This I came to know several days after he passed on, at a time when I had gone to record a song at the studio where we worked together. I have remembered mom saying that that some people do not have permission to leave this world. I don't think Sainoj had anyone's permission either. He was fun, cracking jokes and every recording session used to be what good memories are made of. Thinking of him will always bring a smile to my face which he constantly used to ask me to do. Smile that is.

I am admiring Vijay Yesudas's singing in this song. Have a listen and let me know what you think. And I hope Sainoj is listening somewhere and smiling in his own special way and I remember a very distant "Aniyathi.... smile cheyyu!!"

A year end post

How cheesy I thought. I still think that as I am keying in this. But then what the heck. I don't have a title of being non-cheesiest person ever. So here I am writing my final post of 2009.

I am wondering if it is just me or all the festivals or holidays or special days and new years , that is, all the new years days that we have as Indians during the course of a  Gregorian calendar year are increasingly becoming less significant for me. I remember being more excited about a new year or any other festival when I was younger. Now it seems like someone is puling the brakes on the things I am doing. But then for those of us, who love to work throughout, I worked today and I shall be working tomorrow too. Holidays weekdays weekends. Makes no difference. Maybe one of the times when the line rings true that when we enjoy what we do as work, its no longer a task.

The past 10 days however, passed in a blur of losing my voice. The weather change between Chennai and Kuwait and London, the change in water did not do me any good. Something which kept me down in the dumps and gave me a holiday without my consent. I am slowly gaining my voice back. It will be a couple more days until it is back to normalcy.

I realize I have spent a considerable amount of this year in reflection, contemplation and questioning my belief systems, opinions, thoughts, which has in turn led to seeking answers, reading voraciously and finding some answers and of course, a lot more questions. At this point I went back to read my blogs through this year and yes it has been eventful personally too. As I have said earlier my blog is not a log of everything that happens in my life or all the thoughts that I have ever had.  I logged into twitter and like to 'follow' the people I like and read their opinions 140 characters at a time. 

But looking back on 12 months leaves some placid thoughts. I have spent an entire year, and 4 months of 2008 chasing a dream which has still not realized. Which I hope and pray will come to fruition in 2010. But then some things take their time. I keep telling myself to believe in the one thing that does repeat in my life. That when you want something truly the Universe conspires to make it happen for you. But when you are counting it one day at a time, it becomes grueling at times. I am trying to remember how I passed the time from when I decided I want to be a playback singer and that I wanted a break from Rahman sir until it happened. Schooling of course. But I kept the wish kept simmering. It was a constant. Now, I remind myself of that time. And how dreams have come true.

And some dreams I have never had also did come true. Like say, dubbing.  An experience I am truly beginning to enjoy as time goes by. I am getting to know even more that the amount of work that goes in the making of a movie is phenomenal. But I ll blog about this later.

Being at BAFTA and singing there in front of Rahman sir less than a couple of weeks ago. Of course every song that I sing and when I see my name again on the CD cover is a dream come true.

TEDxChennai will be a day that will forever be close to my heart. Thanks again to Kribs for introducing me to something that has the capacity to be life changing. And hearing Mr Hegde speak at NIT Surathkal was magical.

The year had been a revelation for me with respect to people I know as well. Like perhaps every other year, but especially this one was an eye opener.

The one moment which gave me a super fright and numbed me completely were these couple of hours, when I had returned late from a recording. I ring the bell. Then I make a call on my mother's phone. I ring the bell through the course of the call. Then disconnect and call the phone again. Keep ringing the bell more. Keep calling. And mind you, my doorbell, can make you jump or even curse it at times because of its loudness. Then I started pounding on the door with all my might. Called out to mom. By which time neighbours had woken up and started asking me weird questions. Panic, fear, hope, panic and then the numbness started happening. My mom is a light sleeper. She always has been. If I perhaps cough in the middle of the night in the next room, she ll check to see if I am OK.

That night however, she did not wake up. I remember clutching my bag and walking down wondering what I am going to do. Went up and continued the whole exercise again. To no avail. After 3 and a half hours, my mom wakes up after I ring the bell once after perhaps 45 minutes from the previous exercise. And she said "Vandhuttiya kanna... recording eppo mudinjudhu?" All I remember was collapsing in her arms weeping away and weeping through my sleep or whatever there was of it. She, for her part could not understand how she could have slept through all that, but she did.

Yeah, you ll now think, why don't you have a spare key? One of those days, that I did not take them.

The year was eventful in a good way too. For Blue Elephant as well. I am seeing our elephant grow :)

However, I pray that I'll get to work better, be a better musician and an artiste in the year that is to come.

To you however, I wish that you have a wonderful lovely together time with you and yours. May you feel a sense of belonging with those you love, may you be loved, may you be happier in your work or may you have the guts to follow your dreams and have a career of your dreams. or learn the skills that will make the career of your dreams. May you find moments to cherish, moments to shed a couple of tears too. Tears that will take the weight off your shoulders. And if you are not one of them, may you have be blessed to shed the tears as well. Just a little bit. Just enough.

May you feel the belonging with the Universe and with yourself.

With all my heart I wish you love, laughter, joy, peace, contentment, money to blow and money to save, enough time to do what you want and that you have to, to be with those whom you love, to do things that you want to do, to read, to listen to music, or learn a new skill.

May you truly be loved by all those you know and may you too truly love all those you know.

Thathaastu.

P.S.: As for resolutions, I hope to be able to devote more time to learning the Sarangi and the Piano. Hopefully I ll be at a different level, this time next year.  I am going to watch this space myself.

Vinnnaithaandi Varuvaaya Launch in London

The performance in Kuwait and staying with the family there was pretty nice. Got to know some good people and someone said, Kuwait paakka paakka dhaan pidikkum. Paatha udane pidikkaadhu. The roads are great and I was impressed to know that basic food is kept very very cheap so that the poor can still afford it. Wish something like that was there in India. Here the Aam Aadmi and the not so Aam Aadmis will have to pay 120/- for a kilo of pulses. After a point in time, we being who we are, we get used to what we have around. As humans we can live with the bare minimum and in opulence. I liked the fact that there is no water shortage there due to desalination processes. If they can, I wonder why we cannot. I didn't have time to go around but I did have dinner at Pizza hut. I liked the weather there too. It was bearable. From there to London, first day was OK. Day 2 was freezing.
I landed in London and went straight to the hotel we were staying and to the rehearsals that were happening. Hectic activity there and butterflies had started off in my stomach big time. After rehearsals, I had enough time to get ready and leave to the BAFTA. One of the most interesting things about the event was the formal dress code. Something that is not seen at an audio launch here. And as Shreeni sir said this is something that almost never happens and we should take pictures of it as proof. I had never seen Shreeni sir in that sort of formals before. Or most of the other singers. Stephen Devassi looked pretty good I thought and Silambarasan was a revelation.
Once at the BAFTA it was quite an experience. Gautham sir hosted the event. He has this wonderful sense of humour and the way he presented the event was sparkly. Three of the songs were presented to the audience there and I loved Hosanna the most. You might have to wait a while before you hear the songs though. The song to look out for in the album is this one sung by Mr Alphonse, a music director in Kerala, for whom I have also sung. He has sung this song called Aaromale magnificently. There is this song, Mannippaya with Shreya Ghoshal and Rahman sir. Deadly lyrics by Thamarai. I have always loved her writing, but I loved this song the most for the lyrics. There is Kannukkul Kannai from Naresh in his usual best. Devan and I have sung Anbil Avan. Omana Penne has Benny singing it and this song hooks on to you. Karthik has sung the title track of Vinnaithaandi Varuvaaya and this song and Mannippaaya are Devan's favorites in the album. That Devan plays the guitar was a revelation to me. And he plays it so well. He told me that he always only wanted to be a composer. Singing came by chance. He has done some great work in his upcoming Bale Pandiya. Had the opportunity to listen to a song of his. Blaaze anna has this amazing rap portion in Hosanna. I have always loved his performances and have admired his work. I really wish to work with him soon.
Its tough to say which song I like most. But Hosanna just doesn't get off my mind. Just a few more days and I guess you should be able to hear this one.
I am sure the BAFTA event will be telecast soon. For the rest on what happened, watch it on the telly.
A couple of us along with Thamarai caught this sightseeing Bus that went around London. It was freezing and my hands felt like ice despite the gloves. We walked along Harrod's and  then Oxford Street. But just didn't have enough time for the Thames. It was also strange that it got dark by 3 in the afternoon.
It was great to get to know the Art Director Mr Rajeevan and the editor Anthony. I spent considerable time with Thamarai too and she always referred to the gloves as "Kai Orai". And perhaps I should have recorded her speaking in English. It doesn't happen very often. Thamarai is an engineer for those of you who didn't know and she was saying she used to think up songs while at work.
Later on the 20th evening, Shreeni Sir, Shivakumar, Blaaze anna, Benny and I went off to watch Avatar at Odeon. Loved the way the movie was made. More importantly I loved the ads that were screened before the movie. What creatives! I started getting uncomfortable with the 3D thing after a while. Had a dull headache happening. Thereafter we had dinner at this wonderful restaurant called Rasa and met the man, Mr Das who has 10 such restaurants all over London. I had this incredible Mampazha Pulissery there. Wow. I had never had the chance to taste it before.
The next morning, just enough time for breakfast scooting to the airport. I got to know most of the people from Mr Menon's team and it is a super fun group. I am thankful that I get opportunities like this. Being at the BAFTA was something I didn't think would happen. Not this soon at least. And to be invited to be a part of an audio launch in a different country is new. As I have said before, singers are not invited to the launches in the city. Quite a rarity.
It was a lovely experience and I really do hope I get to go back to London when it is warmer.
Personally it was a great time for introspection too, something I am doing quite a lot these days.  To watch things happening. To know my belief systems and thoughts. And both Kuwait and London were silent enough for that sort of inner tuning. 
To you, who has read this post until now, I wish for you that your dreams get ahead of you, as they have with me at times. May your farthest dreams come true and may you have experiences that you had not dreamed could have happened to you. Good ones that is. May you have moments to cherish, moments to love, moments to live completely, as I have had.
Thathaastu.

In Kuwait

to perform for the Tamilnadu Engineer's forum. Had quite an unsettling flight here. Flying Oman airways is not a mentally comforting choice especially when someone is flying into the Gulf for the first time.
Worse still, transit at Muscat and there were absolutely no women except one. My aircraft from Muscat to Kuwait had none either. One of the times when you don't want any eyes on you.
Driving from the airport I am wondering why people would live in a country like this. There is not much greenery, at least none that I see at night. Yeah, duh its a desert but still, apparently its the financial benefits of being in a country like this. There are not many options for recreation and entertainment. But the Indian women here have learnt to live with it. Once again, I am amazed at the sacrifices that women make for the sake of family, especially post marriage. The men go to work and they have that occupying their minds while the women have nothing much to do especially after children have grown up.
In the few minutes of conversation that I have had with the two families here, I am given to understand that the children will have to leave this country to return to India or some other country for higher education. They only get visas for visiting or something. They really cannot stay with their parents as long as they want to.
So many times I am thankful to God that I am really living the life that I have wanted to live, in my country, the issues and problems, the system, this that not withstanding. My home is right there, in Chennai. No place else.
And really, hats off to the families who leave a country as beautiful and rich as India in search of a better livelihood. Yeah a lot of them don't have that bonding with India as I myself have known. They are happy to be in the shores that they are in. But this is me.
Tomorrow post concert, I am off to London.
Shall blog about that soon. Quite some stuff to write about.

Reading

throws up a lot of questions. So many. It also leaves me silent for extended periods of time. I am alone in a crowd. Alone in company. And I know that no matter what we are always alone. Until we have found that oneness with the universe. Found our rhythm in the cosmic dance. And then perhaps peace prevails.
I wonder why we take the decisions we do, love the way we do, dislike the way we do, hate the way we do, practise the religions we do or simply live the way we do.
The hows and whys and more on the why nots. The past few days I have been wondering if our forefathers fought for India's freedom only to see the country the way it is today. Most of them would be tired of turning in their graves now. I remember seeing the paper and feeling sick in my heart a few days ago and almost a pall of gloom descended. Yeah, it might sound dramatic. But that's what I am. And then there are times when I go into this phase of indifference.
Nevertheless, reading up on the Upanishads, Vedas and the Vedanta philosophies and Buddhism is making me want to be free. Free of all attachment. Its started up a lot of interesting conversations on faiths and religions, customs and practices of Ancient India and how its evolved over time, with mom. Though I knew this has been her favorite and most important subject for research for decades and she has written so many volumes perhaps by now, which I wish to get published soon, I have never been able to speak to her on this. I have heard her speak to others about it though.
Its quite an interesting time that I am going through, of knowing me and what I am made of. I remember this line from an interview with Keira Knightley or perhaps it was Scarlett Johansson, but I remember that like only too well. That it is imperative to know oneself and what one is made of. And I am questioning a lot of my belief systems and the basis for it.
And someday I ll know true freedom. That is my ultimate goal.

And I bring home

the State award for Sahana today. It was quite an event and I had gone to meet the Honble Chief Minister yesterday to pay my respects and also thank him for the award. The pictures were there in most Tamil Newspapers today

Shreeni sir, Belli Raj, Mahathi and I performed a medley with Alaap on the guitars and Shyam Benjamin on the Keys. Our rehearsals were great and it came out pretty well on stage too. One of those rare occasions. Usually Murphy's law is at play. Sahana kinda became a tad too slow though. I had my eyes closed while singing and when I opened them I saw the camerman extremely close to my face, one of those shots that they plan. And opening my eyes to the wide lens of a camera in front of me made me gape a bit and the audience had a good laugh over it. That was fun.

Thereafter I came back and settled down in my designated seat and after a while one of the organizers asked me to sing a couple more songs. There was no time to plan and I was clueless on what to do for a few seconds. I went backstage and requested Karthik to sing along and we sang Laesa parakkudhu, followed by Vaarayo Vaarayo and interestingly the Honble Chief Minister's entry happened during that song, precisely when I sang the first line. Some sort of a providence it must have been. Karthik ended that session with his Anjala and then the stage was taken over by some very interesting acts on stage which, I think, would not be right if I wrote about it now. One I don't want to be a killjoy and two, I think the channel would be planning teasers and trailers on what is to come in this show, whenever it is going to be televised. Of course the papers will carry reports and the Tamil dailies may have the details too but I am not sure if I am that great a reporter. If my hunch is right, the show shall be telecast on Kalaignar TV.

Though the seats at the University Centenary auditorium are sooo dated, the seats didn't leave most of us with unnecessary cricks or uncomfortable postures. I find the seats uncomfortable even in the most up-to-date audis in Chennai. But then, its my personal opinion.

And now I am off to get some sleep that has been in serious short supply. In just about a week and a half, I have some hectic travel.

I am performing in Kuwait, at American International School on the 18th of this month. If any of you are there, please do come to the concert. I would love to meet you there.

Sleep and Sound

Maddy has sent one link regarding sleep and learning. Very very interesting and all of you should read the article. Our predecessors have made a lot of things available from time immemorial. Only the terminologies were different. I tumbled upon this concept of experimenting sound on sleeping children 23 years back. Chinmayi was also a child born on experiment, which I called as Abhimanyu experiment. This is trying out possibities, while pregnant.

But the above experiments are extremely tricky and need very very careful and methodical application on the experimented. Otherwise it can cause serious damages, sometimes irreparable also. There are certain systematic preparations before and after; so that the brain and the nervous systems are not affected.

Any mistake in these cases will not be immediately visible or felt, but the damages are understood much much later and sometimes remedy is not possible.

That is why I never wrote or published these results.

Today we are confronting self proclaimed prodigies or parents claiming any and every child as a prodigy.

I am more worried about the over ambitious and untrained parents who might plunge into such experiments on their own.

What Mathangi says is also valuable. Music is essentially a karna parampara ... aural tradition! The natural way of teaching to identify ragas were by making the children listen to concerts, acquainting them with the essential movements of ragas so that they can effortlessly identify the raga. All parents play a vital role in this. Beyond what is taught by the guru the parents contribute considerably as in the case of Matangi's father.

The Tone Deaf is a concept which is described as gandu in our ancient texts. Shastra gandu, Sangita gandu, Akshara gandu and so on. A gandu can not transform into super talent.

- Padmhasini

Performing today at a ChennaiLive Event this evening

I hear its for an invited audience and am looking forward to this. Performing in Chennai after quite a gap.
The day of the concert is usually jam packed with sound checks, though no amount of sound checks can actually prep us for what might actually happen at the time of performing, coordinating with the organizers, order of songs, clothes and accessories (the biggest issue I would say!) for each segment.
And today is one such day. Am off to the sound check in a while. Lady Andal's auditorium is touted to be the best in Chennai now, acoustically. I perform there today and will know first hand what it is like.