PodWorks - India's Biggest Podcasting Event

I was asked by Kribs to be part of this event. To be in the Organizer's team, to be precise. And feels nice already!
Today should have been the hottest day in my recorded history, blame it on the "scissor" summer... And the topper was the A/C conking in our car. I knew what it would be to be baked.

Anyway, I was probably the first to arrive at IIT's Cafe Coffee Day. Less than a few minutes, Kiruba came in and give or take ten or fifteen, the place was packed.
Ideas bounced in between cups of coffee, which we took our own sweet time ordering, cos everyone was wayyy to busy jogging their grey cells.
Personally, I am learning already. For one, how people react to another's ideas, how to ask someone to be succinct in expression and of course getting to know more people.
As far as I am concerned, it is all about learning, and no other place than starting it with Coffee topped with whipped cream.
I foresee excitement and sweating it out. That is something I have not done from my Throwball-match days.
The Event - PodWorks is scheduled to be on the 9th and 10th June in Chennai. Please watch this space for more in-depth info.
And here are some of the pictures

I be tagged!! wheeee

And whee whee I have been tagged by Yasaswini


1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it:
One?? Can I pick like 5? One on my knee, badly scraped when I fell on gravel. 2 and 3 on my hand, eve-teasing incident during my scooter-riding days on Chetpet bridge, hand grazed a few metres on the tar road.. Had a grotesque looking hand for days. 4 and 5 on legs, where how and all can't remember.

2. What is on the walls in your room?
Hordes of books and cassettes :)

3. What does your phone look like.
Silver gray Nokia 9500.. Me the eternal gadget freak.. waiting for the New communicator to hit the stands. Better for it to come sailing into my hands!! Wishes wishes wishes!!

4. What music do you listen to?
Almost about everything.

5. What is your current desktop picture?
A R Rahman - Worldspace campaign

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
Dance/Work

7. Do you believe in gay marriage?
Of course. When any two people are happy together, they should remain together. And no one else's views need matter.

8. What time were you born?
Not so necessary, I better make the time I am alive worthwhile.

9. Are your parents still together?
Nope.

10. What are you listening to?
Tabla Solo - Ustad Allah Rakha

12. The last person to make you cry?
Oh, I don't need a person to make me cry. Give me some music, enough to make my eyes into dams. Actually it depends.

13. What is your favourite perfume/cologne?
Elizabeth Arden - Green Tea, Paco Rabanne, CK

14. What kind of hair/eye colour do you like on the opposite sex?
Hmm.. haven't thought of it so far, don't see why I should now!

15. Do you like pain killers?
Do I like? Is this like do I like chocolate? I guess thats not the point here... Pain Killers - means to an end.

16. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Remains to be seen.

17. Fave pizza topping?
Jalapenos hola!! Give me spice!

18. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Coffee! Super Salad, Pani Puri, Mango Milkshake, Ice cream, Vathalkuzhambu. Ahh several things.

19. Who was the last person you made mad?
Probably my mom. Usually is. I keep pissing her off.

20. Is anyone in love with you?
Oh yep.. The world, the universe and everything else. And I love back!

Featured in Indian Express

Mentioned in the article covering the launch of the Tamilnadu Issue of Filmfare

And featured in Youth Express as a personality.

Feels nice :)

Filmfare - Launch of Tamilnadu Issue

With Ilayathalapathi Vijay On the the first Issue.
Was a great evening, and I happened to host it. Was also pretty kicked about it and had a lot of fun.

I was slightly nervous as it was a live event and there are no retakes. But hey, there is always a first time. And probably there can no better place to try it out for the first time than an event like this huh?

The team I work with at Vijay TV Super Singer Junior was also present, and after the short ceremony was over, I was back on the job as the host of SSJ. Not that it was planned of course. As long as SSJ is concerned, nothing is planned. All goes on the lines of reality and goes impromptu :D

I went about asking the celebrities present to say a few good words to the contestants. Mrs Khushboo came in a little later, and I waylaid her even before she could enter the ballroom for the actual event. She was damn sweet to oblige and once she was inside, there was a makeshift dance floor, and she was immediately asked to hit it. And once she was there, no one even wanted to bat an eyelid. In a super sari, I was awed by the way she moved. I joined her after a while, and given the choice, I 'd dance with her any day :D
Short evening but a great one. Would be super to have Filmfare in Chennai...

Sahana - Post Script

The last few seconds of ending in 'Sahana' was completely Rahman anna's idea.. It took me a few takes to get in to the raga 'Sahana' and out of the song 'Sahana'.

I got several plaudits for this one too and there were people telling me that the end is one of the best portions in the song, and also asked me on how that short bit came into being.

Like ever, I guess Rahman anna conjured it out from where, God knows. He said, end it in Sahana, he sang the bit and all that I had to do is repeat :)

Gain some, lose some.. but what exactly

is my question..
At any given point in time, several different sets of people have one thing to say. You have gained weight and paradoxically, You have lost weight as well.
So here I go about wondering whether I should hit the gym and generally tone up and put some strength into my legs in the whole bargain, and then people say you have lost weight. I think I have gained, so do some nice people. Thats actually good news to me. That I have added some pounds. And bad news is of course, that I have lost some. The past couple of weeks I have heard so much about that, I have gained, I have lost, at the same time. Seriously, how come??
The point is I have to explain how I go about this weighty issue. Explaining why I have been losing pounds is far tougher than explaining how I gained.. Its usually stuff like, have you been working too hard? Are you doing ok? Did you fall sick? After a point, I am at a loss on how to go about the explanations and counter explanations. Also the problem is when people think there is a hidden agenda that you are not telling them, and all I can do is give a mental sigh, smile, (yeah it comes out in a bubble to the side of my head and goes *sigh*) and of course not say anything. And now this post is looking pointless to me.. But then I am hitting the orange button anyway.. you win some, you lose some!

Some April fool!!!!!

Verrrrrry neat trick by Google. GMail Paper indeed.
I was wondering how privacy is not compromised when the mails are printed and delivered to you. And then the 'paper' is made of "96% post-consumer organic soybean sputum"... Sputum?? Gives me vivid pictures of a highly gooey and yucky and blleaarrrrrgh-y material.

And to think all your mails from everybody is printed in sputum. Picture this. A love letter, or in my case, an EMail coming from an award committee somewhere to say Hey Chinmayi, you have won so so and so for singing such and such, is printed in sputum.. I am going nuts now. I am giggling uncontrollably at my lack of ability at translating my mirth into writing.

And then one of the testimonials are given by an 'Armchair Futurist'. I have absolutely no clue what that is supposed to mean. But what springs to my mind's eye, is lazing on an arm chair, (or can I make it a recliner, the type that comes in Friends??), sipping lemon tea, and thinking about the future, for other people, and being paid to do think about that. Actually our parents have been doing that, of course they were probably driving around, or in some other mode of transport or eating between hectic schedules, thinking about how to give us the best future beyond their means.

Anyway I thought the concept was weird. But I can't say that I didn't totally buy it.

But hey, nothing like a neat trick. :D

Sivaji - Sahana

It definitely does, as long as I am concerned. Sahana gives me a soft drizzle, And the Sahara now has a valley of flowers.
Though the songs of Sivaji were released by some nitwit on the internet, and there were comments to my earlier blogs asking if I had sung the song, I resolutely kept them unanswered and refrained from publishing the comments as well. It has always been a practice not to mention the songs I have recorded, until they release.
Several changes from the time a song is probably recorded for the first time. Lyrics change, singers change, expressions change, and in some cases the song is entirely removed, as has been the case with a few songs that I have sung before for other Music composers. Sometimes, it might hamper the flow of the movie, or it may be scrapped for reasons best known to the main people behind the movie.
It is pretty tough to explain to people that I don't want to talk about what I am working on, but then can't blame those who want to know.

The songs from Sivaji have been getting non stop airtime, thanks to all the FM Stations here, and a lot of people seem to have heard and have nice things to say about 'Sahana'.

I am told, I sound way different in this one as well, and all credits, as ever shall go to Rahman Anna.

And hope your best wishes and blessings will be with me.

I am free. I am the meaning of being free. I go wherever I want to. I can be wherever I want to. At will. I am a superpower. I am willful, I am tempestuous, I just am.
Once I was made to enter a territory I had never known before, which was quite strange because, there is almost nothing that I have not seen in the world around me. I entered and exited. I played around. I played hide and seek with myself. Nothing new here as well. Sigh. What is it like to know everything, be everywhere, having seen everything, there seems to be nothing to know. I know what it is like. I have nothing much to do. And I am my own master. No one tells me what to do. No one has even tried.
So I checked out my new playground a couple of more times on my own. Same old thing.
Then one day, it became someone else's possession. But then, when has that ever deterred me? No one can prosecute me for going wherever I want to. Pffftt.
And there I was back to my playground to see if something was new. Nothing really seemed different. And suddenly I saw that I couldn't go out the way I wanted to. It seemed like someone was doing it. I pushed. I heaved. Nothing. But then hey, where I am, there is always a way. I came out another passage. And it seemed to make a difference. I went back, one door closed, another opened, several closed at the same time, a few opened at the time. Pretty weird I thought. Someone was playing a game with me. Well two can play, I thought. And thus it went. And finally my contender seemed to leave my playground and go. And then all the doors were open. I checked quite a few times. But nah, quite the same. I went my way again. Whistling away here and there. And then I saw that the owner had returned. I felt thrilled. I have someone to play with now. So off I went. And it was the same game, and I had to keep guessing which door would open when. The object was not my winning or losing. It was something new, and it felt great. And I had created something new. And so had he. And both of us felt great at what we had done. He smiled, I smiled as well. I hadn't felt this great in ages.
I had been doing quite the same thing for ages. And the thrill of discovering something new, which I seemed to have altogether forgotten, washed over me anew. I marveled the seashore sometimes. Where the waves wash away all the time. She must be a happier person I thought, because every wave that washed over her was different. She knew. I knew as well. No two waves are the same. And here I am, I used to ponder, everything is the damn same. Nothing is new. But not anymore. I know I can be new, create something new and find myself anew if I wanted to, and not just on my own. I had someone to direct me for a change.
For I had made music.
For I am the air that passed through a flute, and felt liberated by not being free to do as I wished.

I remember the times that I used to struggle. Work from dawn to dusk in the unrelenting sun, until time gave the king of the sky a sign to retire. And until the cock crowed the next morning to call the sun back to begin its travel in my portion of the world, I would rest.
Tending to the soil, tending to the crop, tending to the harvest. I was tending to something or the other throughout the day, throughout the month, throughout the year. I knew no respite. But I found comfort in the harsh rays of the sun, the roughness of the soil. My feet eventually got used to the unevenness of the ground that I walked on, so much that, I had a hard time finding my footing on smooth surfaces. My skin was the colour of the soil, and unfortunately unlike the colour of the grain I harvested. I used to look forward to the time that I would have lunch sent to me, to the fields. And the short break that I used to take for water. Of prancing about at dusk, and wishing that dawn took a little longer to break.
Time passed, fortune smiled upon me. I had people working on the same soil that I worked on as a boy, as a youngster. I have a wife, children. A huge house. And I am a person of reckoning in my own small world. I now eat with people fanning me on both sides, men-fridays at my beck and call, nay, I had everything that a man of my beginnings could wish for. But yet I felt a void. I felt there was an emptiness that I could not explain. As days trudged by the feeling grew. It now had a strength of its own, a mind of its own, but I couldn't figure out where it was leading me. What I was supposed to do. I had no idea how to feel complete again.
And then one fine day, much to the consternation of everyone around me, I took to the fields. To work, to be under the blazing sun again, to feel the rough soil beneath my feet, to feel the beads of sweat meandering down their own paths on my skin. I went back home after a short while. I realized what comfort was. Like a drug, it gets you addicted and there is no therapy yet to free yourself from its clutches. Except freedom within you. I drank a lot more water that day than usual. But the feeling remained. The emptiness remained. It was like a vacuum. I returned to the fields the next day. It threw the others off balance, but slowly they got used to my presence around. A few more days passed this way, with me not finding the answer, Frustration gnawed my insides, seemed to corrode me at times, and then retarded to being a gnaw. The next day, I decided to share my food with the farmers who worked with me. Though they were highly hesitant at first, we eventually ate and drank together. And that's where my answer lay. In the pot of water that I consumed. Not mine, but that of the others'. In the pot of water that was not pure by any standards. In the pot that was made of clay, by the neighborhood potter. And it struck me then. I knew what I had been missing all this while. It was nothing actually, but it brought back a rush of memories.
And I realized that the waters of the mountain springs anywhere in the world, or the water freshly made from the sky, nothing would match the taste of the water. The water, the taste of which I had been missing all along. And the gnawing of my insides, which I thought was ceaseless, finally ceased. For the drop of water with the taste of the soil.

I have always needed support in my lifetime. I could never be on my own. I always needed an anchor. Or a pillar. My beginnings were humble. Not many thought I would be as beautiful today and that I would make a difference in the world around me. Save one. She took care of me. Nourished me. Nurtured me. And slowly but surely I grew. In spite of all her efforts, I didn't seem to me doing anything worthwhile than look for more support, ask for more, want more as ever. But she was unflinching, never impatient, always there for me. She gave me the right support, the right care, the right guidance, to grow and be what I am today. Slowly, I grew stronger, I was able to take care of myself a little better. If she went out on her work, and had other things to do, I could sustain. But I would not be able to get by without her. Her touch was soft as a whisper, and her love boundless. She seemed to give her all to me. I grew taller, for one and finally all her efforts seemed to be worthwhile. My roots were stronger. In the meanwhile, she went through changes in her life as well. She got married, and I couldn't see her for a long time. But I got by. In the garden of my life, I met many more people, who contributed to my growth. And now I am a somebody. But I look out for her. Dawn to dusk, dusk to dawn. And then finally one day she arrived, she didn't seem to have forgotten about me. And she had her daughter with her. A doll of a girl. She laid her small hands on me, and I reached out. Her touch had the same quality. As soft as a whisper. "Say hello, Blossom", said her mother. And for some reason she hugged me. Thereafter I stretched out and gave her mother the best of mine. The best of my blossoms. For I was a creeper, which needed a lot of care and needed to be supported at all times. And she was the one cared to give it to me.

I saw you coming from afar. I had seen several like you. But you seemed different. Even at a distance. While you appeared in my field of vision. And while your form slowly took shape in my eyes. Here I was, unmoved over years. Nothing could really change me. I met with several things that had an effect on me. You seemed to approach fast. Yet, you seemed to take forever. You smiled. And suddenly you rose afresh, buffed yourself and you were taller than I envisaged.
And finally you met me. I couldn't help smiling back at you. I remember telling you that you looked familiar, but I am certain I had not met you before.
You sounded fresh. Deep. Then I heard you telling me that you took ages, to travel and meet me. A journey of several thousand miles, starting from literally nowhere and moving at a painfully slow pace. But it seemed worthwhile to you, or so you said. You did not have much time. You had to go back. Your friends were buying time for you. They helped you be with me. But I knew, you knew, it wont last longer. And I knew, you knew, you would return, but it won't be the same. You would have changed. Only a few minutes would have passed since I met you, and it already seemed like I knew you. Rather, I knew that I knew you. There were several people around me. My face was wet. And at that time you decided to leave, with a promise to return. And you left something in my hands, that I treasure, looking for you, and I would know when you come back to me, even if you are miles away. Nothing fancy. But it was a beautiful seashell. Of a pink hue. A hue I had never seen. You said that you had traveled to the depths of the ocean to fetch this one. I smiled. Then slowly you withdrew. I saw you leave. It would never be the same. I shall wait. If it takes forever then so it shall be.
For you... were the wave, that washed up on this shore.
And I still wait clutching the seashell between my hands, hiding it in the grains of my sands, that no one can see it. And shall wait forever, even though I know you will take a long time to come back to me, and our meeting will last but for a short while. But still...... what else does the shore have to do than wait for her wave?

The air is chilly, and the wind seems to be blowing in earnest. Like almost it is paid to make me bring the ends of my jacket closer. Having a river flowing by doesn't really help to keep me warm, but the sound of water strangely calms me. It will be a while before dawn breaks and I can feel the comforting warmth. But now I have a companion. A bird which seems to be way too close to me for her comfort. No matter how hard I try to stay in, under the warmth of the covers, I wake up each morning before it is even 4. I trudge along, alone and go to the solitary bench. I have never once questioned as to why there was only one, so far, and not more. But then how many benches would I need? And there I find myself, a river that flows by, not quietly of course, sometimes she gurgles, and a bird and a few trees around, and the leaves that fall off them. Day after day I come here, trying to find some meaning, trying to find something new, trying to know something new, but it evades me. Life trudges along with the same sickening clockwork precision and for once I wish that there were some changes. Something new to look forward to. I didn't want the clock turned back to the times I have had, but I wanted change. But strangely when I had it, even if it were minimal, I didn't quite relish it. There as always something missing.
Nonetheless, my early morning jaunts were something I had begun to look forward to. There are more people in the world now than there were when I was born, and strangely enough, most are lonely. So many lonely in a crowd, I see people eating alone, being alone. What is it at the end of the day? Should we expect more from life and remain dissatisfied, or just try and be content with what you have, knowing fully well that you are only trying and not being?
Time seems to have passed quickly and I see the horizon warming up. Just like my life seems to have passed. It is time for me to get back home, and yet another day dawns. And my feet of 69 years trudge back home, and the sun rises behind me.

Pictures taken in Australia are finally up.
You can see them here

Issue uploading pictures

I am having trouble uploading pictures on blogger
It comes up with this error code
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Has anyone else encountered the same issue? Please let me know

TIA

Almost done.. home beckons

And we had an awesome performance today. I finally mustered enough guts to shake a leg..
In case I didn't mention before, this concert also had Mrs. S Janaki, Mr Mano, Shyam, Mukesh and Actor Santhanam. Shyam and Mukesh have an amazing stage presence when they go in together.
The music lovers in Sydney and Melbourne were highly responsive and I had a great time performing here.
This is Janaki Amma's 50th year in the Music industry and these set of concerts were to commemorate that. We have a final concert tomorrow, for Telugu music lovers and with that we head back home.
Tonight was thankfully warm. I saw that though it is sunny in Melbourne, as opposed to showers in Sydney, I still felt cold at most times.
Probably the weather here decided to be kind to me after all :D
This trip has been pretty good so far. Hope there will be more concerts and better concerts... :D
At Sydney we visited the Tower-360 degree view of Sydney, went on the OZ Trek, the simulated ride on Australia, checked out the Opera House (someday, and hopefully soon, I would like to perform there), went on the 'train ride' around Botanical gardens. This was a trackless train going, which started every 5 minutes from the Main entrance and had about 4 or 5 stops at vantage points in the garden. You could get off at one point and once you are done there, you can wait for the next train to arrive and hop on. The girl who 'drove' the train also spoke to us through a speaker system confined to the vehicle, and explained all about the fauna and some birds there. I also happened to see a lot of people on training session, mostly running and I saw some trainers, who I am sure are slave drivers.
We checked out the Melbourne tower here, the Observation Deck which gives a 360 degree view of the city, drank some coffee at the cafe there ,saw the video on Melbourne which lasted some 20 minutes, went into the aquarium, which was pretty good. It was a good feeling in that one where sharks swam above your head :D
We were also lucky to catch a feeding session where the divers went in and fed the sharks so that they dont eat the other fish. And quoting the guide who was speaking to us, expecting the sharks to tear people apart limb to limb is not going to happen. But what surprised me was when he posed this question, there were people who actually said that they would like to see a person being torn apart by a shark. I really hope, for my sake, that they were joking. So several types of eight leggers as well. Creepy crawlies and since they were ensconced in their cages, it didn't make my skin crawl. This was more or less the tip of the iceberg. There is obviously much to do in Australia, but we had time for this much alone.
Shopping didn't really catch my fancy in this country. But then I am not that interested in shopping anyway.
And I must say again, after like ages I got some eye candy. Doesn't look like there is any left in India, and definitely not in Chennai or in Bangalore, or in Mumbai.
And finally as long as it is music, I wish that it plays on!

In Melbourne

For the 2nd set of concerts and I leave from here on Sunday night..
Though I have always known that I am a workaholic, I see that I am not able to handle free time.
We have rehearsals this evening. And I see that songs from my discography that are not that popular in Chennai are pretty popular here.
I ma having a great time with Janaki amma here.. We have some family connections that got wayyyy back.
We drove around Melbourne a bit and checked out the shopping malls. Nothing interesting to shop here though.
Things I got to know here:
I see that you will be fined if you hit a spider or a snake that comes into your home.
Wear a seat belt even if you are in the back seat
A lot of Indian faces
Most Oz men are good looking and tall. Awesome!!
People get paid here on a weekly basis or fortnightly basis as well.
Supermarkets shut down between 5 and 6 in the evenings but remain open during Thursdays and Fridays until late as those days are paydays
Fuel prices go up on these pay days by about 10 or 20 cents and they rollback by Monday.
And generally life is pretty laid back here. People go to work at about 8 in the morning and are back by 5.
Melbourne doesn't have a stable weather. Temperatures drop and rise well at the drop of a hat.
I like the game shows on local TV here..
SUN TV is telecast here one day late. They record all the programmes on Sun TV and play them the next day.
People use the horns in their car only to convey their displeasure about the other drivers. Ah for silence.

Last weekend was the Mardi Gras here. Was supposed to be a major event, but I seem to have missed it.

Any way, I am waiting to get back home. .That is where my heart is.. and where the music is.

(Disclaimer: the information I have posted about Australia is hearsay. It need not be a super fact)

Sydney Day 4

The first concert took place yesterday at Bankstown Town hall.
People sat through for almost 5 hours and it was a very successful concert. Saw the Opera house and the Harbour bridge at night when we drove back after the concert. Tried taking some pictures but looks like I have to learn taking pictures in night light. :)
Got to hit the road again... Sydney has narrow roads and there are not too many chances to take U Turns as I noticed. And haven't set my eyes on a fancy car yet. A whole lot of Hondas and a few BMWs and a few VWs. I see that the Taxis here have video and audio monitoring so there are stickers saying watch what you say. Almost everything is quarantined. Intend to look around tomorrow and see what the city has to offer. As of now majorly sleep deprived!!

Australia Mate!!

Currently in Australia for a few shows in Sydney and Melbourne.
Came here after a pretty tiresome journey.
Two things connected to airports. While in Chennai, there was unclaimed baggage, and in no time there were sniffer dogs, police personnel and the bomb squad. And a lot of worried people wondering whether something is gonna blow.
Transit at KLIA for almost 4 hours. It was boring and cold. And I llove technology. We forgot the Malaysian currency at home. And were wondering how to have a cup of coffee since they didnt have credit cards. And I see an ATM in front of me. Turns out mom noticed it earlier. Pushed my card in, and out come the awesome looking money I have ever seen in my life :) All for a cup of coffee. Small pleasures sometimes turn out to be pretty importnat :)

Once at Sydney, we saw the airport officials refused to let the Tabla inside the country because they said it is animal skin, and it has to be quarantined. He says he is doing his job. And after a struggle of more than an hour, we had to forego the instrument. And we can take it back from Syndey when we go back. I found this saddening that a musical instrument can't make through such regulatory problems.

Have a fairly long stay in Australia and intend to look around quite a bit and for super shows with Janaki Amma, Mano ji and Mr. Mukesh.

Rehearsals start in a while gotta go hit the note~

I am back to hosting on Television. On Vijay TV.

I will be hosting Airtel Super Singer Junior this time. I am looking forward to newer experiences and a lot of children! Hoping and praying this will go well.

My show on Aahaa 91.9 has been going good. The experience is different. Quire an experience because the only way to communicate is by my voice. I am learning to manage slurs in speech and hiccups as well. Breathing in between. All the jazz. Talking on radio is a completely different game altogether. I see that it is not easy. If what I say is scripted, it sounds like that. Like I am reading out.. even if I write myself what I want to say. I learn that it requires presence of mind to respond in a proper manner to people who speak to you. I have my set of regular callers now, which feels wonderful. I also realize I have a whole range of different ways of talking. Why I take on so many personas is a mystery. But it happens subliminally. Its not a conscious shift in modulations. I have not made any decisions on the way I HAVE to sound in my show yet. I am taking it as it comes. There are days when I am reflective, days when I am energetic, days when I am physically zapped, days when I m joyous and it reflects in my show. I don't really know whether I want to veil all that all the time. Of course I cant carry around a morose tone if and when I am emotionally down.

One of the things I have to manage is hunger. 3 hours non stop between 12 and 3 pm. We are not allowed to take even water inside the studio, and my stomach starts protesting. Loudly. I do get some respite in between for a few minutes. But other than this hiccup, I am having a great time.

I watched Guru for the 4th time today. :D With mom and colleagues. At Inox. Pretty cool. Its amazing to listen to the way Tere Bina opens in the movie.. Life is good. :)

Kumgumam Interview

I fall, I fly. My skin is dry and all that I can do is just be led. I no longer have a free will. I have been stuck all my life, not able to go anywhere, do what I want to. Then one fine day, I decided to break away. To run away. To fly away. That I did. I had a companion. I didn't know where to go, How to go, since I had never been on my own. But now I was free. My companion told me where to go. And I did. I skipped around, sometimes sat for a while at one place. And then my friend told me about another beautiful place, I started my journey again. Thus I traveled. I saw lakes, I saw forests, I saw the city, I saw people, I saw houses, I saw homes, I saw buildings and I saw edifices. Sometimes I almost ran into some people. But my friend helped me. He was there all the time. To guide me and to lift me up. And I was glad that I was in his constant care. I wound through new paths..

Then one day, I came to a park. Early morning. It was still slightly cold. And it was windy. It didn't bother me. I have been so happy for a while now that every time I moved, I felt as if my feet never touched the ground. My friend also seemed very energetic today. As I settled myself under a tree, so did my friend. We lapsed into a companionable silence. And watched as one by one, people slowly left the park. Kids and ladies and men. After a while I saw a girl. She looked pale and listless. I couldn't help but look at her. She had a distance look in her eyes. And she seemed to look at nothing in particular. Soon she was the only one left, and she didn't show any signs of leaving. It was my friend and I and that girl. She sat along on the bench, her hands on her lap. Her hair undone. I thought she had beautiful hair. Long and dark. My friend was looking at her too, but he seemed to be knowing why she was here. He smiled at me. We got up, and we went closer. She had sad eyes. She looked sad. And she was crying. Her face was all flushed.
Her sobs were gut wrenching, after a while she was almost gasping for air. Then she stilled for a while. My friend said he had seen several people like that, who came to the park, looking for solitude, looking to be alone looking to cry. He thought she was mourning the loss of something or someone. I knew what it was to be attached. To not be free. To be as if you are almost chained to the people around you. But now I was free. I know no attachment. I am not bound. Its liberating.
I went round to her and sat by her side. But it was almost as if I didn't exist at all. I watched her. She cried and cried and cried. My friend was watching her too. I rose, and I wiped her tear. She kept quiet, she didn't turn or look or want to know who wiped her tear. And then, I suddenly felt very heavy. I felt weighed down. I couldn't bear it. I lay down and I couldn't get up. And slowly the life ebbed out of me. Whatever that was left. I was now going back to where I came from. I knew that I would not see my friend again. But maybe some other time. I loved him deeply. But ours was an unlikely match. He never stayed at one place too long. My face was wet. With my own tears. I would miss him terribly. He smiled at me. It was difficult to describe was kind it was. But he knew perhaps what I was going through. He stayed with me as until I became nothing. Until I was naught. He got up and quietly left. He had to meet several others like me.
For this is the story of a leaf, that broke off from its tree, and was taken along by the wind, with whom she fell in love. She had found love though fleeting. It was never to be.
And she had been the leaf that wiped a tear. And she had been. And she had.

On Air on Aahaa 91.9 FM

In Chennai

We launched on the 18th and almost about 2 weeks later I am having a lot of fun talking to people. And I have a super team that I work with on 'Namma Ooru Angels'. Lots of joy and laughter. I am presently going live between 12-3 in the afternoon from Monday to Friday.

On a previous post asking for suggestions, I thought it best not to publish those. I want to heartfully thank everyone that has commented on that particular post, wracking your brains for my benefit. As of now, we have not been able to incorporate any of the ideas that I have received through my blog mostly due to the time band that I am on.

I am looking forward to knowing your suggestions on our show. If you have given a listen, do mail in. Also, I have had to thank for the suggestions on a post like this, because most have not left a forwarding EMail. Thanks once again

Post Script to the Post below

Or rather should it be PB, for Post Blog?

I have found the need to clarify time and again that what I write is mostly inspired from what I see, read and hear. Not necessarily what I feel. And so far, most of these 'hatke' posts have had almost nothing to do with my daily life.

I was pretty surprised to see several mails and comments within a span of a few hours asking me whether I was in love. No. And I am not. For all that I know, my posts could even be inspired by a movie that I have just watched. I watch a humongous number of movies on DVD.

Hope this clarifies the questions :)

I heard a story. Of love. Of love that has renewed hopes every single day. She was pale. She was always changing. But her change was predictable. Once people got to know her, it was easy to know how she will look and how she will feel, and what effect she will have on the world around each day. Though she didn't have a flawless face, everyone thought she was beautiful.

She was happier as the day waned. She awoke then, in all her glory. She felt uncomfortable in the spotlight, and she would go into hiding, rather make herself inconspicuous when it was very bright around. But if you would bother to look for her, she would be there. On those days she felt small. She felt worthless. But as the day wore by, she will be happier, brighter, more energetic. And she would go to see her beloved. All that he used to do was just be still. She thought he was not capable of any feeling, but she was wrong. He had a huge temper sometimes, and a lot of people say that she is the cause for his turbulence and anger. Mostly, he would get all worked up when she looked her best. People could never understand why. And she always thought he gave her second place. She was always an option in his life. And always second best.

That saddened her. But everyday she would look upon him. Be with him. And some days she thought that he loved her back too. They shared a quiet understanding. When they met, they made a beautiful picture. There were people who wished that they always be together. But another day would dawn, and those thoughts would go to nought.

All that she did was love. And love boundlessly. Because he was boundless. He was all encompassing. And he could take in a lot more than she could ever think of. She loved him most when he was calm. Wherever she looked he was there. And their eyes would always meet. They were in love. But they knew they could not be together all the time. She, being the way she is, understood, and decided to be second best. Decided to be an option. At least that way, she could be with him at least for some time. And those times were cherished. And loved. Especially when her silvery hair fell upon him. Together they are always beautiful. And it will always be. For this is the story of the Moon and the Sea. Of love that waits day after day.

Guru - Rocks!!!!!

I just came back from the movie, and it positively rocks. To say the least. Wow Wow and more Wow.

I have never reviewed a film before so please dont expect technical details. Super acting by everyone in the film. Again to say the least.

Watch it people!!

P.S.: And my pictures are now up.. have a dekho :D

Suggestions!!!

This year I am doing something new. I am going to be an RJ on FM radio. Quite simply.

I have been asking people on what they would expect from a singer who is also hosting a show, and so far my blog is something I haven't tried to get suggestions.

I dont want to do a typical "know your music" kind of a show where I will speak about finding ragas and knowing talas only.
My show will be on every week day for a couple of hours.
I am basically looking to do a show that will be fun. If you have any ideas as to what I could do, or you could tell me what you would like to listen to if you were to tune in to my show, I will be immensely grateful.

Thanks in Advance.

P.S.: I have been unable to write more so because I seem to not be able to string my words together for this particular section, when I want to. Blogger's block perhaps!

I need to watermark the pictures that were taken during the show and my net connection is slower than a tortoise on alcohol. In any case I should have them up in the next two days. To everyone who has been checking my photo blog, I am extremely sorry for the false alarm

The Best New Year's eve EVER!!!

It was the best way to end a year. And the best way to begin a new one.

Singing. And in Rahman Sir' concert. Nokia New Year's Eve in Mumbai rocked! And I am super glad I was a part of it.
Rehearsals happened in a hectic pace a couple of days before the show in Chennai and we left to Mumbai n the 30th. We were carted to the venue directly from the airport baggage and all for rehearsals and preliminary sound checks.
The performance was planned for about 45 mins and Rahman sir's concert was the last act. I sang Tere Bina. And was present wherever female vocals took place.

We had another rehearsal on the day of the concert and we had just enough time to head to the hotel, get ready and be back.

After the performances of a duo called Josh, dance performances, Nelly Furtado's acts, Shahid Kapur, Koena Mitra and Priyanka's act, we went up on stage. Before our concert, there was a short Drum Line by a group called Global Rhythms and Sivamani Sir.

By the time Rahman sir could come to the stage, the crowd started chanting out for him. And finally Sir came up on to the stage, quite literally. He rose from beneath the stage and was brought up in an elevator. And then the crowd went mad. He was supposed to speak a few lines, to which he said "there is not much to speak now, we will just start playing"
The concert opened with "Pray for me brother". The crowd still didnt quieten down and kept calling out to him. One guy even said "Rahman I love you" and Sir replied "I love you too" to another uproar :) And then he said "This is a very special song, so be quiet", and just like magic everyone did as soon as he started playing on the grand piano which was placed on stage.
The next one was Khalbali. And that was is it. Everywhere it was Khalbali. :D
Madhushree ji was up next with an unplugged version of Ishq Bina. And as soon as she started that song, the people went ecstatic. There was one more song here which I am missing. I ll probably add that on later. Tere Bina was next. It was followed by Humma Humma. And the concert finished with that one. Blaaze entered with this song, saying "Humma Humma can you say Humma" and rapped away and then Sir started with the song. And this was the curtain call. Around the end of this piece, Shahid Kapur, nely Furtado, Koena Mitra, Priyanka Chopra joined us on stage. We had to finish the concert by 12. Unfortunately. Ani, a singer from Armenia was supposed to sing Chandralekha, which couldnt take place thanks to the time constraint, as it was also a live telecast.
I usually lose something in some huge concerts that I am a part of. And this time the casualty were my super favorite 10 day old Gucci sunglasses. I dont understand whats with me.

I got to know Tanvi better in this show. Tanvi is a very talented singer who has sung the title track of Jillunu oru Kadhal. She is someone who has done a whole lot of things. She owns her own business, has worked with World bank, is a stylist. In short, several dimensions to her. Communication with Ani was very tough as her knowledge of English was very sparce. She managed with about 4-5 words and used them a lot. I am told that she is a star in Armenia and she is one helluva singer.
Blaaze anna. Too cool. He is one person who doesnt speak much at all. He is probably the best indigenous Rapper since he is an Indian. He can get the crowd moving in split seconds. He just has to shake his head to the rhythm and probably direct the crowd with his hands. And everyone follows suit. His energy is out of the world and infectious. :D
Madhushree ji is a singer I love, mostly for the timbre of her voice and the way she sings. She has a beautiful smile, and when she came to the stage to perform, she said "I have a secret.. do you you want to know what that is?" and then started with Ishq Bina.

Rayhana Ji and Ishrath ji also sang in this concert. Rayhana ji is a superb dancer and both of them have a super sense of humour :)

Sivamani sir wore this instrument in steel probably around his neck, which comes down to the stomach. And he kinda scratches on them in rhythm with lapel like (as far as I could discern) hand pieces (?). I dont know what it is called, but it looks like an armour all with its corrugated exterior. The first time I saw it, I thought it was a style statement. Then I realized it was a sound statement. Sivamani sir was playing on it back stage and Shahid Kapur happened to quip that if no one will look at him if Sivamani sir were to play that on stage. He was pretty amazed and couldnt understand how he made rhythm by just scratching. Quote unquote.

Sivamani sir was on the percussions with the group Global Rhythms joining in.

Mr Satish, Mr Chetan were also on the keys. Mr Raja was also on the percussion. Mr Srinivasamurthy was the conductor.

Rahman Sir. There is so much to learn. Every single time. Though I have performed with Sir before, this was a whole different experience. And a live concert with Sir is some 10,00,000 times different from everything else. No matter how high the tensions rise, he is always cool, calming people down and telling singers in particular not to worry, and telling them they will do good. This one time, I am left with no words to express myself.

I met a few gentlemen from Rahman sir's fan group. It was pretty late by the time we went home on the day of the rehearsals, round 1 in the night. I happened to mention that as long as I am singing, it doesnt matter how late it is, or whether I would get sleep or food. They said they would die to be there in our place, working with Sir. Made my realize then that there are several hundreds of thousands out there who want to sing for Rahman siror work with him at least once. I sent a silent prayer at that moment to the Gods above. One that I have a mother who made my voice the way it is now and for everything else, and for the oppurtunities that I have been given. And at that moment in time, with Rahman sir in particular.

Also want to thank Mr Vijay, Mr Gopal and Ms Elizabeth from Rapport. Mr Vijay and Mr Gopal are the ones who started Rahman sir's fan group and Elizabeth was the one I spoke to innumerable times and she was patient enough to clear all my doubts!!!

I did take quite a few pictures and you can view them on my Photo blog.

Rahman Sir's performance at Mumbai - LIVE

To all those to whom this is news, Rahman Sir will be performing Live at Mumbai's Andheri Sports Complex on New Year's Eve. Touted to be one of the biggest events around the world, and hosted by Nokia, the concert in Mumbai will also feature Nelly Furtado.

Rahman Sir will be performing his anti-poverty song "Pray for me brother", that is produced by Mr Bala, who earlier produced Vande Mataram. The song is going to be introduced in Mumbai.

The concert will also be teleast live on Star Network.
This will be something to look forward. And for all of us that cant go to Mumbai, thank God for television!!

For more information on this show visit www.nokianewyearseve.com. You will see all that you need to know about this event that is going to take place across five major cities in the World, and also be teleast live!!! Whooooopeeeeee

As of now, I want rustle up some leaves, heave some trees, whoosh through courtyards and raise a lot of dust and giggle to myself about the mess I create. And make more mess around me by giggling.. the more I giggle a lot more movement happens around me. Nature reacts.
And then I want to be still. Go hide. Behind trees. Behind windows. And not do anything. And then somewhere a lady takes her winnow and then the winnow talks to me. And now I have work to do.. I separate the chaff. Let the grains remain. The lady seems to concentrate on the work at hand. Her forehead is crinkled with concentrating. Her mouth pursed. Her cheeks tense. Her hands seem as though they dont really move for all that is being done. A nudge every once in a while. I remove the chaff as long as the lady wants me to.. and then she is done. I easily do anyone's bidding. But I still have a mind of my own. Anyone can make me move. Anyone can agitate me. I am gentle. When I wear my wispy Ballerina dress, I twirl and twirl and all that the world can do is just watch, stunned. Or be carried away by me. Or try and run away. But how many can? *smile* I can go anywhere I want. Do whatever I want to do. Go places where no one else has been. What I know, no one knows. I know everyone's secrets. And I keep them. I am the greatest keeper of secrets. I know of all the wisdom that has been passed on for aeons. I dont change. But yet, I change things around me. I kick up a lot of sand and rearrange dunes and make new ones when I want to. I rise. I plummet. Sometimes of my own free will. And most times not. Especially while plumetting. Once I see a flute, I make music. I can't be understood. I dont know what I am here for. I exist. I am. I..... am AIR. And I am what I am.

My songs in Guru

Its a long awaited post. And its now time to safely say I have sung in the movie.

Rahman Sir has given me another great oppurtunity, one to push myself a little bit more, to sound different and to do a better job than I have been doing so far. After the readers of this blog, and those who might stumble upon this one after googling my name have heard the songs, all credit for the rendition of the two songs, Tere Bina and Mayya Mayya must go to Rahman sir alone.

I was lucky to sing in Mani sir's movie again. And I was also meeting him after a long period, and he was definitely listening to me sing after ages.

A lot of people are already surprised with how I sound in the songs. And as is usual, I have been asked to relate as to what went behind the scenes. Frankly, I dont know how it happens. Before I try anything, especially with singing, I am always worried about taking that extra step. I am constantly worried about embarassing myself. Making mistakes and the like. And the point is when that does happen, I cant sleep. All I remember was Rahman Sir telling me to just let go and sing even if I think I am a fool. And though I was seriosuly inhibited, and will always remain, some light bulb might have gone off in my brain and in that momentary light, I should have forgotten about the "feeling foolish" bit. When I came out of the booth, the apprehensions were back with a bang. I couldnt recognise my voice for one. I would have almost asked who sang? if not for the fact that I was bawling out from another end of the studio for a period of time.
Bottom line: Rahman sir always says that all credit goes to God alone. And with my singing here, all credit goes to him alone.

I also got to meet Gulzar saab, which was a lot of fun.

As life passes by and one note is sung after another, and sometimes, you place the instrument down, and give your fingers a break. There have been several notes. Some in tune, some discordant, some other worldly.... but they have been notes all the same. They all play a part in this strange musical piece. Several times, I wish the discordant notes did not happen. And in the gaps between the notes, in the silence in the sound, and the sound in the silence, several things have unravelled. Its a lot like opening a gift box. You never know what you are gonna get. It could either be an intricately carved piece of wood or a jack-in-the-box. But its a gift nonetheless.

There has been one person who has been there throughout my jack-in-the-box times. All the time. Whining wheezing wailing.. everything has been listened to patiently. Not much ado is made about the beautiful presents. Because the world is anyway going to come to you and oooh and aah about how beautiful it is. All the ado is made there. No more is needed. But when see spots with the pain, and the eyes start watering on their own volition once you come in contact with jack-you-know-who, the one person listens.. and is always there. My mother. I usually am at a loss for words when I want to thank her. But this thank you goes out to you mom. Thanks for being there. And with my singing in general all the time, all hte credit for the good goes to you alone, the terrible and the ones that are mucky they belong to the great me. :)

Just as I think that I should write something.. the tanpura beckons me..

The skies have opened up and decided to flood Chennai or so it seems.
Nice clean wet air .. and the city is all washed.. and of course flooded in most places.
On such days, you stay in, listen to your favorite music. Clean up .. organize things.. pretty good I say. There is a strange satisfaction in cleaning up and keeping things where they are supposed to be. Of course I am the primary messy person in the house. But when I do clean up, its pretty wonderful. I am not going to go all modest here. hehe
Even though a lot of things dont change in the world around you, and people are just the same, some days seem like the 'right' days. Everything is joyful, and pink and happy and pappy. Though I become very depressed on days when there is no sun and my mood is as dull and rained in as the weather outside, today was an exception. Probably my first for a pretty long time.
You just feel like smiling away. My best friend called. Spoke to her.

There were days when I have felt like people around me were either in slow motion so that I observe them better or they are running too fast that I dont understand whats going on. Felt lost. The situations are the same. But today I am looking at things with the what will be, will be kinda attitude. Being in the moment. And smiling at things around and giving a sigh that is bundled with a smile. Some days are like this. It will be good when you have everyday like this. But then this is life.. Some days there are different experience from a heavy heart. And some days there are different experiences from a joyous heart. I have seen that dwelling in some emotions is liberating in a way. Lessons learnt everyday. Lessons learnt everyday about who yo are. What makes you. For when you cant understand yourself, you dont know what you want, recognize who you are bit by bit, you are not living at all. Probably the prime goal from when we take in the first breath ever, with each movement and each step, should be to know to ourselves. Then, probably one day, we will have the answer to why things happen the way they do .. at least I hope I do. There must be a purpose and a reason for everything

Each song on my player has a certain season, if I may say that. Which means that only and only that song will play for a certain amount of time, which can be a lot, until my mom screams foul. Of course that applies to all the people I am around for a fairly prolonged period of time. I remember this time, when I looped 'Udaya Udaya' every day for a week, all the time. So my friend had to actually wonder what went on my head ... well thats what I am .. sometimes I wonder what I am ..
Who is this person who stares back at me? Who am I? What am I here for? Like they show in the movies, sometimes people melee all around me, and I seem to look around watching the drama unfold. And sometimes people all around seem to be frozen in time, and it seems like I go around them ... what would it be like to take a jump into nothingness? what would be like to jump up and float? I dont know whether I ll ever be able to levitate, but I am definitely gonna go sky diving. and para gliding as well. The unknown is always terrifying. Is this why we shy away from knowledge? Is the knowledge that we dont know so many things that terrifying that we shy away from learning? Of accepting that we dont know a lot of things? Of traversing or seeing endless expanse of anything? land, or water. With no horizon in sight? Why is there a joy when we see the sun rise? Is it because each morning we see a certain limit as perceived by us? In all its glory and light and brightness, I wish there is a little wisdom that can permeate my epidermis each day. And go deeper into my being. One of the wishes I have is that to float. Engulfed by light. No ground below, no sky on top. Arms spread. Feet together. And then curling in, turning, and then slowly becoming light itself. And then take form again. And come back. Feet feeling the ground. The big toes first. Landing like the ballet dancer who turns on her toes. Then the tips of other toes, the ball of my feet, and then finally resting my feet completely on the ground with water to just cover my feet. That seems to be like liberation to me. And that light I see as love. That would be bliss.
And the inspiration for this post. 'Dekho Na' from Swades. The music seems like magic to me right now

Water welled up.
It needed release. Was held up way too long. Dammed up too much. A lot of electricity had been generated. A lot of fields had been supplied. Inch by inch, little by little. It was clear that it wouldnt be long before it reached the top. Congestion. The wind stopped moving. It was as if it had stopped completely. Everything was still. Like the calm before the storm. Everything seemed to constrict for the inevitable. The water brimmed. The banks could no longer hold it in. A little just spilled over. And then some more. The flood gates tried to keep them in. To prevent people from knowing that the water was beyond control. The best it could. And then the flood gates had to open. From then on the water had a velocity and a path of its own to flow down. The air kept pace. Blew in gusts. Cuckoos cooed. And they made a melancholy tune. The water kept up a steady course. The wind blew harder. And finally as the water was fanned dry by the wind around and drained by the parched earth, there was peace. There was release. The flood gates closed. Not to open for a long while.
And thus, the journey of a solitary tear which could no longer be held back. A solitary tear that threatened to completely empty the canals and did just that. And with it, it emptied a soul.

I don't know if I have posted a forward on my blog before. But I really couldn't help it this time!! This one was also *TADAAAA* forwarded to me on Orkut.
This is a forwarded mail that I got a few days ago.

I want to thank all my friends and other unknown
people who have
forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004 &
2005 and 2006.

Because of your kindness:

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out
that it's good only for
removing
toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting
on a needle infected
with AIDS

I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using
deodorants because they
cause
cancer.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that
they may ask me to
dial a
stupid number and then I get a phone bill from
hell with calls to
Uganda ,
Singapore and Tokyo.

I also stopped drinking water outside for fear
that I will get
sick from
the rat shit and urine.

When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl,
no matter how hot she
is, for
fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me,
then take my kidneys
and leave
me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce
account. A sick girl
that was
about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times.
(Poor girl! she's been
7 since
1993...)

My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did
the free passes for a
paid
vacation to Disneyland.

Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those
Dalai Lama, Ganesh
Vandana,
Tirupathi Balaji pics etc..

Now most of those "Wishes" are already married
(to someone else)!

You can add your own notes based on your similar
experience and send
them to
your friends.

If ORKUT deletes my account, it doesn't matter
BUT PLEASE DON'T SEND me
"Orkut is
deleting accounts: Due to sudden rush..."
Otherwise I'll delete my
E-Mail
account!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
IMPORTANT NOTE:
If you do not send this e-mail to at least 913760
people in the next 10
seconds,
a bird will shit on your head today at 6:30 p.m.

###############################################
Give me a break!!
"The World Is Filled With Foolish Ppl And Some
Think They Got Talent
Too !!!"

Wonder Wonder

Life sometimes spins a web of conflicting emotions around you at some point in time. Desolation, desperation, elation and confidence all at the same time. Skein after skein slowly gets spun around you and you hate the stickiness of it all. The discomfort. The desire to break free and just run away. Away from it all. To Someplace things are lighter. Sometimes you wonder whether people around you wear masks all the time. And wonder whether you should wear one too. And how irritating can that be? Going around pretending to be someone you are not. Does someone who seems caring, really that? Does someone who seems polite or gentle or loving or polished really that? Or is it the face that we are supposed to see?
Having said all this, do people ever take someone at face value. For what they seem to be? And what happens to those who are not complicated at all and wish that people take them for who they are and not for contrived and preconceived notions instead?

Why do we have to keep guessing? About what people do or think or might say when we do this, this or that? Is it really that difficult to voice out what you really want from something or someone without endless amounts of time being wasted on what they feel and what they expect from you? Would things be easier then? Or would we all be a set of "I want this and I want that" kinda people? Not that we are not already. We do want. Everything under the sun. All the time.

After wearing masks all our lives are we true to ourselves? Honest to ourselves? Do we know who we are? When we go to sleep did we know the person that we were today or did a stranger stare right back at us when we peeped at some reflective surface? Do we know what we want? Do we listen to the voice that only whispers most of the times from within us?

I wonder, ok thats not new, since thie post so far has a lot that I wonder about. Now I forgot why I started the previous line.
I now wonder anew, that If we were all sure about who we were first, then wouldnt things probably work better around us?

As for me I have begun to detest games people play. Sure that was the title of one of the bestsellers. But really, the amount of literature to understand this person and to understand that, reading body language... all that ticks me off. of course someone might catch me reading those books as well. A person gotta know the books I say... For example someone who scratches his head while talking to you could be lying. What if he has a severe case of dandruff? Someone sits this way, tilts the head that side and keeps their hands this way and uses their eyes in a particular fashion could mean a whole lot of different things - please note - OTHER than what they are telling you with words. How about Being a Simpler Person? Because if these books are best sellers then people obviously spend their time in book stores or on the web looking for the book, and energy as well sometimes researching on who says what about a book and then spending money and buying. Why? To understand other people better. Apparently the need is there. So my thought after this profound (?) post is that high time people stopped being complex, and spinning webs here and there and getting caught in them sometimes and wondering how to get out and rid of the silly goo. And then wondering how to spin a new web.

And living the life of a human being is probably one of the most complex things. With all the resources and brains given to us, we have found new ways of mucking things up rather than making them easy.



Disclaimer: Random thoughts like these need not have a personal relevance.

I once read this quote that goes something like Middle is a time everyone you meet reminds you of someone else. If thats the case, I am well into my middle ages.
Happened to meet one of my classmates today after a couple of years. And I went into the coffee shop. Waited for her to turn up. And then once she came in we caught up on a lot of things. Thats when I noticed a group of girls very politely asking a guy to vacate a 'table' in the coffee house, since they were 5 and he was one. I had a feeling that the girl reminded me of someone. And later she turned to me and said, Hi! we have met. I had met her once, at a friend's wedding and I had spent a lot of my time with her. And as usual, the way time plays its games, we lost touch. And then, well I felt foolish that I couldnt remember her name. I usually have a great episodic memory. But names I dont remember. So then after my friend left, I started talking to her. And then this girl also left, and I got to talking with her friends. I got to know 4 new persons. They said I wouldnt remember their names again. I didnt argue there. But was a great conversation. So we all decided to leave together. And as I was leaving, I saw a junior from school. She came out and did a little bit of a catch-up with her as well.
End of the day, I went in to meet one person, and ended up meeting more than I planned to!
What is the moral of this blog? None.. just random blah

Which Tree Did I fall from???

The Weeping Willow!!!
And I google the Weeping Willow and it looks like it needs a haircut.. Well ... it seems to grow from all directions and in all angles.. like those dogs which have hair falling over their eyes. But Dogs : Cute. Trees - No. Well There has to be some structure. This is the only picture I saw, so people if I am wrong, I hereby bite my tongue... actually my finger!

Wonder if I was hanging from those branches and was swinging from one to another branch and then suddenly decided to fall on the ground and call myself Chinmayi. Well as a kid, I was very sure I wanted to me called Mahalakshmi or Mehr-un-nisa. Dont ask me the connection. My poor mom was given "oh must be an inter religious marriage look" Trust me to put my mom in trouble ... and start early!!
People who asked me my name, were told "Mera Naam Mahalakshmi hai... nahi tho mehr-un-nisa rakh lo.. .koi baat nahi". So from when I was a kid, I gave people choices to call me whatever they wanted they call me. Now what inference is that? I dont know. That line has absolutely no meaning. That is the giving people the choice to call me whatever they wanted. Like when did people start waiting for choices.. ?? Ok I am soooo running out of humour now.

And I am musically Inclined.. Bingo. Very good tree to fall from Chins.. way to go :)
And capricious? Dont know.. gotta research that.. and the restless.. yes. I fidget a lot. And I have the tendency to stride or storm out of places usually. Walk like ....like .. well Meg Ryan in "You have got mail" in the final scene.. And how do I remember that movie. I just saw bits of it.. ok not as delicate as Meg Ryan. I am far from that.

Now for some gen info. The weeping willow is majestic, is a deciduous tree and is planted for ornamental purposes as well.

Likes to be stress free, loves family life, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic places, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition, suffers in love until they find that one loyal, steadfast partner; loves to make others laugh.


Now "Suffers in love!!!" AWWWMYGAWDDDDDD thats the last thing I want..
How many men to go before I find 'DA ONE'?? God from Heavens above, or if you are standing next to me and reading this blog, please date the sad men yourself, finish my karma yourself, and let me meet Super Guy!
Not easy to live with when pressured. AGREE and Bow down. Ask my mother. Have almost chewed her head off when some translator didnt submit the work. Blah blah - blahablahahahaha I used to go. Sorry make that GROWL GROWL SNARL GROWL.

And it is raining outside. And I dont like it. I love the rains. But I practically hate the dull looking weather. (the hate comes from the bottom of my being... with so much depth that you cant imagine!) I need to have light. Sunshine. Star shine. Brightness. It will be good if it can be sun shine and rain together... Right now its dull, depressive and a dull shade of grayish blue. GAWWWWWWD GIVE ME LIGHT!!!!!!! SUNLIGHT

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE

For Pete's sake.. and most importantly, for my sake. Just because I hold a Masters degree in Psychology and might possibly do my doctorate, it DEFINITELY doesnt mean I can read minds. NO NO NO. I cannot! And I can't tell the future either.
Standard koshteen:"So what do you study Chinmayi?"
Standard reply:"Masters in Psychology"
Pasteurized reply: "OH MY GAWD. Then I must be careful with you"
Distilled reply with a polite smile, but hell I know whats coming: "Pray tell me why?"
"OH NO YOU CAN READ MY MIND!!!" And then a 'smart' grin. chuckle chuckle.
God Bless asker's soul that he cant read MY mind $#$%#$%#$^#^$^#$^@
And I cant read palms. I didnt study Palmistry. I have Cheiro's Book on Palmistry, I have read that. BUT I Still cant read palms. I study Psychology.
Next koshteen. "Can you guess what I am going to do next? Can you guess what sort of a person I am from what I talking to you?" Well. NO.
5 Years of studying the subject at Uni and I am stunned when people who I think have their gray wirings in their brains intact ask me this. Oh No.. oh NYyyoo..
Another Koshteen "Teach me how to read minds"
Frankly, I am sometime scared to look at what goes through my own mind. And what goes through someone's mind doesnt necessarily mean that they will act on it. Thats why probably 'fleeting thoughts' happened. All they do is just run through the mind and disappear. Thank GOD!
"Can you change my behaviour?" Pray, why would I do that? Why should I? Do you have such a huge behavioural disorder that you think needs changing? But yeah, I do wish I can change this pattern of asking me whether I can change your behaviour. You are grounded. Go face the wall.
"Can you raise my hand?" Now Telekinesis and Psychology are different matters.
And as for reading minds: Psychology doesnt admit the existence of a mind. Mind has been substituted by mental processes or nodes.
And you cant pin point the mind in the Human anatomy.
Does Psychology help your music? Seriously, no sarcasm, I dont know why I should 'apply' the theories of Psychology here. We were not taught, or rather the subjects I had didnt deal with how I should sing in front of 10,000 people or how a popular person should behave. Of course we read Narcissus, and megalomaniacs. But thats a different story. There is a relatively new branch called Music Psychology coming up in the West. But thats it. And Music has been used in therapy as well. But studying psychology hasnt helped me as a performer. My knees are still jelly when I am on stage, only, I am the only one who knows. Not even mom can make out.
And one more huge problem.. Even a small suggestion to someone, and pat comes "Dont shrink me"
Holy molly! I need to see a shrink!!!!

PostScript: This Post has nothing to do with my other other-worldly outpourings. Even though I have used the word 'mind' a zillion times in my Blog, this post has nothing to do with that. Me has several Personas. I have a Multiple Persona Syndrome. FOOLSSHTOPP.

What happens if....

You forget your Yahoo password and apparently none of the data that you enter about your birthday or anything seem to match?

Does that mean you ll never get to access the account or what????

New Releases

In Kedi and Veyil
Veyil has a very young Music Director in G V Prakash. You would have heard his voice as the kid who says "Chikku buku chikku buku raileyyyyy"
You can listen to this song in my audio blog
Also, I am the voice behind Bhoomika in the movie Sillunu Oru Kadhal.
And to hear my voice, you gotta watch the movie. Comments appreciated :)

After midnight. Cant see the stars. No matter how hard I try mentally dusting the clouds away for a little wink of a star.
I smell rain. I see the St Thomas mount in the horizon of my vision. And a lone plane takes off. Starting off to take the journey into rain filled clouds, to pierce them first. To get bathed in the freshest water ever made, first. Its an ethereal feeling to fly past rain clouds. I have wondered what it would be like to be outside rather inside the aircraft.
Thunder booms. Sounds as if its announcing to the world to get ready for a bath. "Come on get yourselves a shower!!.." And then Lights.. The camera in my eye rolls. And then its action. The air is washed first and then everything around slowly takes in the shower. The breeze moves the branches. Like a mother bathing a kid. All that is of nature seems alive. Awake. Fresh. Only the lifeless edifices stand still. Placidly taking in the rain. For it to find its own way down. I think I see colours in the sky.. Several riotous hues. Floating about.. Everything vanishes. All I can see is the sky. The clouds move away by themselves, like curtains parting in no particular fashion. Actually like cotton candy dissolving in the mouth. Not knowing how it went to nothing. To leave a glorious dark shade of blue. One star after another winks at me. Like its smiling at me. Like its beckoning me to see something beyond. I am filled with wonder perhaps. Curiosity perhaps. The colours still dance about me.. I take a dive into nothingness. And its wonderful. Sometimes I am glad there is darkness. Of pitch black. Of your adjusting to nothing in the darkness. How else do you know the splendour of a single beam of light piercing in. Like a beam sent from the heavens above. Making it seem as if there is no end to that beam and no beginning. There is nothing more wonderful than the night sky. If not for the darkness, how does one understand the beauty there? Sometimes to appreciate the stars, you got to appreciate the darkness that surround them. To perceive the twinkle. Several times looking at the sky gives me a feeling of elation. Of something being caught in the base of the throat and not dislodging. An emotion nonpareil. At times like this you feel like you are experiencing what love is. And when it overcomes you and manifests into a drop of tear that rolls down the corner of your eye, meandering down to your jaw bone becoming nothing.. You feel bliss somewhere.
Sometimes you wonder why cant everyone be One. But I got the answer some days back. To experience the oneness you need to separate. Go through the pangs of separation to understand what joy it is to be one with everything else in the world. In a way, to feel the pangs of separation is a joy in itself.

Trouble with Apple's New Battery as well

I got a battery replacement from Apple, as a part of its drive, recently.

And now, when I disconnect the power, when I know that the battery is fully charged, the system also switches off. I immediately hyperventilated, didnt know what to do. And then I plug in the power, the system works fine. I pull the plug, system switches off again. And then I am wondering whats going on, the battery icon says "no batteries available" How the dickens does it say something like that?











So I bring in the old battery which thankfully I haven't shipped back yet, and it works just fine. With or without the power.

Now what do I do? And who will possibly have an answer to this one??

The Mac OS X and the NOKIA 9500 GPRS

From the time I paired the my nokia 9500 and the mac, I havent been able to connect to the internet, via GPRS, and of course via bluetooth modem on the phone.
The support people with AirTel aer pretty much clueless. They dont know how to troubleshoot for a Mac.

I am just hoping that somewhere, someone has done something like this, and can help me!!!

Much appreciated :)

A lot of my posts spark off on something pretty insignificant. Yesterday, while at Galatta.com office, before the chat, I was asked to fill out a questionnaire. Something that would have taken ages for me to fill out if I had attempted them. Other than the basics, about name, education, family, first song, movie and the da-da-da-da-da-da, there were questions to which there are seemingly no answers. Whats is life? What is life? Romantic evening? And some three or four other questions. And I rounded all these off, and gave a blank.
But the omnipotent question which is probably why the earth keeps spinning on its axis, and why planets get added and chucked out from the solar system is probably this.. What is love? I tell you, that one question is a mega Multi Zillion Dollar Industry. Movies, ads, books, restaurants everything run on that. Ok, lets be more specific. Scoping men and women out.
I bet my, um.... ok I am not a gambler, this post, that most dinners or lunches have conversations revolving around this question.
Someone wants to figure someone out. Such conversations are passed on coffee, and food that gets pushed about the plate.
Does he love me? Does she love me? Who knows mate? But this must be one of the most fun parts of a relationship that may go either downhill or uphill or might not start up at all. And how someone never knows the answers for themselves but do for everyone else.
People meet the wrong people all the time. And then there is a why the hell does this have to happen to me?
I came upon this book which talked about all that a guy would do when he 'is into you'. Well one, he will call. Five times a day. Or something like that. Now that would seriously infringe upon my life. Give me a break!! Five times a day??
"He will do what he said he will do unless there is a personal emergency". Like he says he will call you at something-o-clock, he should. Else he doesnt like you that much. Apparently in spite of demanding work schedules. Or a boss breathing down the neck. And several such things. As I went through the book, I saw that I couldnt agree with so many things in there. Give me science anyday, saying that a woman or a man can/cannot do this, this and that-this because of some nerve running somewhere, or some nerve that doesnt, easier to understand. And its amazing how so many magazines make money with this topic. And the 'try to understand him/her' phase is seriously tough and time consuming and frustrating.
Look for clues people say. What clues? And then dont read too much into that. Be interested but be coy. Be busy but be available. Bleeeaarrgh.. Why cant things be simpler. One answer thats given. Men chase. And women like to be hunted. So when did we go back to the Stone Age? Hunters and Gatherers? So many centuries of evolution we talk about and we are talking primitive again.
We all keep guessing. He said that. She did this. Damn he is rotten. Damn she is from hell. Why cant we be adults and sit across the table and finish it off and not put in so much energy into thinking unnecessarily? People dont be honest with someone else, because they dont want to put themselves in line. Tough thing there.

At the end of the day. There is only one thing. Your life is your own. Your situations are your own. And when you choose to like someone you need to love yourself first. Understand yourself first. Know what you want. From yourself, from the other person and as a twosome. Sure things need not happen all the time. Looking for someone to complete you is probably not the answer. Everyone who loves Tom Cruise gushing that line, please forgive me. You need to be complete. You cant be incomplete and keep looking for someone to fill up that space. You need to be at peace with yourself. If you are expecting him/her to do something, dont keep it in and expect the thought to be conveyed telepathically. Speak it out and if the other person is comfortable, great. After a point in time, people will be pretty much tuned into one another to understand the other pretty well. Even then, somethings need to be said loud and clear. Dont confuse yourself and the other person. A relationship is not just hard work, its complete menial labour, and while you are at it, get in the gadgets and make things easier. You have the words, speak out.
And having said all that, when a man says he is not monogamous, and he is not ready for commitment/marriage (usually means not with you)yeah, pretty much believe him, and when a woman says she is looking for a man with financial security, yeah, she might not settle for anything less. AND absolutely no one is worth endless heartache, or crying yourself to sleep. NO ONE. Period.

The leaves rustle, The boughs sway and I step out. On white sand. Each step, I sink a bit, and rise. Push myself up from a miniscule depth. My toes press down, my heels raise. To take another step, to sink a bit, and rise again, and take yet another.
All around me, everything is still. I look about, wondering whether there might be something out there, that might rise from the dark and probably show me the path. Towards light. But nothing yet. My feet trudge along. The wind hums a tune in my ear. The boughs tap up a rhythm. Ever so lightly. The air is fresh.
I dont know how long I have walked. I dont feel tired. I seek. I am searching for that elusive thing. I dont know what I am looking for. But I continue the journey. My eyes have grown accustomed to the darkness now. I am used to it. I see darkness. And the stillness and the sound, the movements and the calm, I am used to it now.
The rhythm and the music make their presence felt. My feet walk to the rhythm first. And then they move. My hands follow suit. My hands sometimes slice through the air, my fingers caress it, my heels plod the earth and the sand runs through my toes. I hear cymbals, I heard drums, I hear strings and I hear voices. I am performing for whatever is around me. And then the music fades out. My breathing alters, and slowly pulses back to normalcy. My skin tingles. My eyes feel brighter. My ears sharper. And then from somewhere, I see a beam of light. It seems to have no beginning. And I dont know where its going to end. The beams moves towards me. The area around is bathed in light. And from nowhere, a being rises, takes my hand, and takes me toward the light. In that clasp I feel safe. The movement is neither hurried nor languid. And then I am surrounded by the light. And then bathed in it. I feel it enter my head, pierce through my being, and go through my feet, into the ground. I rise. I no longer know where I begin and where I end. I no longer know what is 'I'. There is no feeling. But a sense of bliss. Galaxies move around, stars smile, there are several moons and several suns. I am new. My feet feels the sand again. The darkness gives way as light pierces through, every cell in the air. The sun on earth rises. Orange and glorious. Birds come from nowhere, fly across a brilliant blue sky. My arms are outstretched to receive. To be. Or not be. And I wait.........

My ISP finally allows me to see the blogs.
At long long last.
I shall write a post with the pictures of the brains behind Airtel Super Singer, the ones with whom I worked with personally.
Coming soon!!

LAST EPISODE OF AIRTEL SUPER SINGER

Will be aired on the 11th and 12th August which is the following Friday and Saturday.
Tomorrow is the blooper episode..
Rollicking fun!!
Whoever is interested, please watch it!

Though I can post my blogs, I can't reply to comments, since I am still unable to open blogs that end in .blogspot.com. I dont know why my ISP hasnt lifted the block yet and hope it happens soon.

I can see the comments since comment moderation is enabled on this site. Thanks Soundar. I have followed up on that. And my replacement should arrive soon. Thanks a ton for your thoughtfulness.

AND THE WINNERS ARE

Nikhil Mathew who gets to sing for Mr Harris Jeyaraj
Anitha: Viewer's choice award with more than 150,000 votes
Soumya Mahadevan: Jury's choice from the semi finalists!!

DONT MISS TO WATCH THE CELEBRATIONS ON THE 4TH AND 5TH AUGUST 8:00 - 9:00 PM IST

IT WILL DEFINITELY BE AN EYEFUL!

Though I cant see this post myself, which has been the state with a lot of blogs I regularly read, the recent ban on blogging and the lift thereafter, my ISP has still not made any amends on that, I am still wondering whether this gets posted.

The results to Super Singer will be announced on the 4th of August. The journey finally comes to an end. There might be a couple of more episodes after the telecast of the results.

More than anything else, there is an episode on all the behind the scenes action which I wont miss for the world! Bloopers by me, the judges, participants, the crew.

I intend to put up pictures of the crew I worked with ... soon :) Havent had the time to take the pictures.

Otherwise I have been pretty much bored. I want to do something new.. And work for 20 hours. It will be good to be in that state. In the quest to know what I am made of, I have come to realize that I cant be idle. And that too much driving around the city tires me out. And I hate shopping. With hate in capital H, capital A, capital T and capital E, bold and italicized for further enhancement. Its one of the most boring, non-brainer work to do.. Shopping for the costumes and accessories for the show, whatever little I did has made me come to that decision. There should be more like me in the city. And its such a bloody waste of time and energy. There should be a way of doing that faster. In about an hour or so. Which should include the travel and everything.

Happened to watch POC 2.. didnt like it that much.. was pretty bored. Hope the sequel does better.

Required:

Does anyone you know live in Maldives, or someone who knows someone living in Maldives?
I am looking for a translator who can translate from the Maldivian Dialect Divehi into English.
Please leave a comment if you do or mail me at sunaadin@yahoo.com.
Will be highly thankful

Duniya *GOAL* Hai ;)

I HAD to blog on this separately. Post Superman, B and I went to The Park to eat something. And as soon as we entered, the football fever was completely in the air. Though we were sitting slightly away from the TV, we decided to move closer to a screen and watch what was happening. And Brazil lost. Generally we both were getting a hang of the game, but each time a goal was not made, especially by Brazil, there were a lot of beeped out words. People lighted up, their cigarettes of course, made bets. Da da-da da-da. And minutes before the match was over and it was proclaimed that France won, there were so many who got up and exited, swearing, almost breaking tables. Wow! This was the first ever football match I watched completely, and I liked what I saw. But frankly, after having heard so much about Brazil and their star players, esp Ronaldo, for me it was no show.
And am gonna follow the world cup. Apparently this will be the first All European final four since 1982. As of now I am supporting Germany. Why? Because I know the language ... (*clapping my hands and silly giggle*)

Move Over Bird Man - Superman is my new crush!

So B and I went to watch Superman returns. And WOW. God has been creative at times. That guy actually looks too perfect to be real. Profile is great. Every god damn angle is great looking. To the extent that I wonder how much of it is air-brushed. I dunno if thats possible on film. But escoooos my limited knowledge.
Bird Man had been crush number ----- whatever, only to be replaced by Superman. Especially the scene were Lois and Superman, well ahem, go fly, that was extreeeemely romantic.. and there we were, B and I, mooning away about Superman. Technically I also liked James Marsden who was also Fire-Eyes as I named him, and Jean's fiance in X Men. And he was also in this movie, as Lois's fiance. Paavam ... he seems to remain as the fiance only most of the time!

So lo and behold. I have my first ever crush on a Superhuman actor! Supermaaaaaaaaaan