Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Two more...

Have to search where I am .. but doable :)

Monday, October 24, 2005

This is a pretty vague picture of the show. I am looking god knows where and for what.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

A lot that I cant forget........

To start off, yes its Gachibowli, but spelt wrong owing to hurry to get out of the business centre.

Day 2, we went to the stadium, did the customary sound check, took some pictures. Mrs. Usha Uthup, Vasundhara Das, Suresh Peters, Sunitha Sarathy, Mahathi and I were there. Mrs. Malathi was also slated to perform but she hadnt landed yet.

Once that was done we left to the hotel to have lunch. Met Mr. Kamal Hasan, Mrs. Revathi and Mr. Jayaram. It was a great lunch time, what with Mr. Kamal sharing anecdotes about service in IA flights in earlier times and also discussing the cuisines of the world.

Also met Mr. Sudeep, the famous Kannada actor. Post lunch we were asked to go back to the stadium to learn the song composed by Raja sir and we went back there. And we had no clue about it. I was also slightly worried. More so, because they handed me 5 sheets of lyrics in different languages. Thankfully the tune was the same for Tamil, Telugu, Kannada and Malayalam. We started off in English and ended with English. Mr. Kamal Hasan, Mr. Jayaram, Mr. Karthik Raaja, who had come down for this purpose, Mrs. Usha Uthup, Vasundhara Das, Mrs. Malathi, Mahathi and I, and must add, Richard Gere, and most of the stars came up on stage to sing along.

Mrs. Malathi sang a telugu song and Manmadha rasa, and the whole audience was up on its feet:) Mahathi sang a song of hers in Telugu. Ms. Vasundhara sang a song called "Erimalai Naane" and Dating, Mrs. Uthup was singing her own Medley and so did Sunitha Sarathy, Mr. Peters sang a malayalam and a kannada number.

There was a major star cast which turned up, starting from Mr. Chiranjeevi, Mrs. Radhika and Mr.Sarathkumar, Sada, Shriya, Sangeetha, Mr.Vikram, Mr.Madhavan, Mr.Silambarasan, Mr.Mohan Babu, Mr and Mrs.Nagarajuna, Mrs. Revathi Menon, Genelia, Sania Mirza, Ms.Sumalatha, Dr. Rajashekar and his wife, Navya Nair, Sandhya, Tarun, Ramya, and some more actors and actresses, and of course, Parameshwar Godrej and Richard Gere. Mr. Gere was lauded for the efforts he had taken and basically this show was called "A time for heroes" to spread AIDS awareness in our country.

And though I didnt shake hands with Mr Gere we exchanged a few smiles. Anyway he is not going to remember me!!

After the concert there was a party at Mr. Chiranjeevi's residence that we were invited to, which we skipped.

In the hotel lobby, made friends with Sandhya and Navya Nair and their parents, who said they loved my song. BTW I sang KMI. And the show shoul be telecast in Sun TV.

This morning we woke to a pretty rude shock to realize that our Gold jewellery had been stolen from the stadium. We had kept it, just in case we decide to go to the party. And with that 80k down the drain. So this charity show has been something to remember. Sometimes I wonder why is it that good people are the ones who have to go through trials and tribulations, only to be happy 'in the end'. Who cares, really, when for someone life has been full of struggles, and when people who dont seem to have any ethics or values are happier, have lived more succesful lives. The more good people want to rise, the more God wants to 'test' them and knock them down so that they may rise higher, and sometimes to be knocked down again. Nice way of doing things. Its disturbing when I wonder what I have done to deserve this. Just that I go to some show, something gets stolen.

Mom went to the Police station and lodged a complaint and mom said that they are cracking down on who could have taken it. If someone from the audience flicked the bag, then there is no hope, but if its those guys, who place the chairs, maybe. That is, if they havent already sold the stuff. Bottom line is the Police are really cooperating. Only wish we had remembered that the jewels were missing last night when we left.

For now we are just waiting for light at the end of the tunnel.

To have a better detail about the show, check out Kamal's post on the same. We usually dont get to see much detail, since we are backstage. We lose out on the show as such.

Friday, October 21, 2005

In Hyderabad for a charity show, taking place at the Gachiblowli Stadium tomorrow.

We travelled with Air Sahara, and one look at it, thought it was some kinda private jet.

And sure enough it wouldnt have seated more than 75 people. The seats would have just been 1 inch x 1 inch x 1 inch. By the end of the 50 minute flight, I decided its better to walk down to any destination than take the Air Sahara.
The fact that they are relatively new shows in their inflight service. The crew, or at least the guy who served us looked like he could use some more training. The worst thing, was when he ran out of in-flight snacks, and he handed over one to my mom, and asked us to share it!! Wahhhaaaw.. enough to sue the airlines and be richer ;)
But then he decided against it and handed me one of the packs intended for the crew. Thing was it has different contents than the usual packs handed to the passengers... special treatment for them I guess.
The feeling of wellness inside the Cabin was worse.

And I now at the Business Centre at the Hotel, where they charge Rs 300/- only for half an hour of usage. Wonder why they need to charge such a whopping amount for a facility which is almost being offered free all around. But guess its one of the hazards, if you dont have the dumb laptop with you.
And Since I am no millionaire, I better scoot from here, before they slap a HUGE bill on us :)
Will update with pics and news about the event here. Its giong to be a magnificient one and please pray for me so that I perform well :)


Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Uploading the audio on audioblog just takes forever. A few songs down and a few songs to go, sometimes I think I must check the uploading overnight, and when I wake up one file will be done!

And also when I am uploading something, impossible to do something else. Maybe my system needs to be changed. Inspite of 512 MB ram and all the blah blah.

I need to get all my songs uploaded so that I could sort them in their order of appearance.

I have not been able to find some 10 or more songs of mine, since I guess, they have not really banged into the scene. Anyway this should do good for now. :)

As I have been putting the songs up I realize that I have been given some superb songs which failed to reach the listeners, mainly because the movie didnt do well. Now I wonder why should they be intertwined? One example is the Kangalal Kaidhu Sei album, I feel its mind-blowing. But the aam-junta doesnt no about it because the movie didnt do well. Also a song called 'Eppadi Solavadhu' by Bharadwaj Sir, vanished into a movie called "Oru Murai Sollividu". There are a few more like that and hundreds of such albums.

Like Bose - the Forgotten Hero. If I, a singer, feel upset about the whole thing, I wonder how it is for the creator of the album, when it is not projected well, since he/she gives his/her all to each nuance and note and everything that goes into a song and an album as a whole.. sigh...and double sigh

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Whats with the Audioblog?

Have been trying to upload audio, and its just taking forever to upload. Then I get fed up and close the window and try again.

This has been happening from yesterday.

So whats happening?

And also decided the config for my laptop and this is how it is:

80GB Hard Drive
Go5200 (64MB DDR)
WiFi Enabled
Digital/analog audio
DVI & S-Video out
Dual link DVI
DVD Writer

And the other thing that I am alo doing, is to get the entire collection of Amar Chitra Katha. I think Mr. Anant Pai, who started this movement, must be given a HUGE award. For instilling our culture into young minds.

For now the site offers only about 300 titles. The rest are not with them. I actually had about a 100, ten bound volumes of ten titles each, and as time went, I misplaced a couple and therest were flicked by God knows who. I have only 2 or maybe 3 volumes of that left. I guess it will be a long wait, to get all that they have ever published. So if there is anyone out there who has ACKs and doesnt want them, send it across to me :)

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Work has been very hectic, with shooting mails, and checking up my work and others' work.

In between we saw Ghajini. I really liked the movie, only that the violence was slightly unpalpable. And I am also wondering what is the message that has been conveyed through the movie.

I read in the news that Rahman anna is making the music for 'Sivaji', so am guessing that will be something great to look forward to.

Also, there is this yearly practise at Raja Sir's house, where they ask people to sing at their Golu and have heard that it is a great experience. So Raja Sir's wife sent word to ask me to sing there. I was not sure whether it was a concert or what, but finally decided to sing one song. The manager said that a lot of people are going to sing one song each, or something like that.

It was pouring, so much so that a lot of our roads looked flooded. Once we went in, we came to know that Mrs. Sudha Raghunathan was giving a concert actually at 7:30. Sudha aunty has known me since I was a kid and she is also a good family friend.

I sang a Ganapati Bhajan and got up. It was a great feeling to sing there. I met Bhavatharini as well after a long time. We caught up on things a little bit and met Mrs.Yuvan a little bit leisurely. Then Sudha aunty came at around 7:25 and started the concert bang at 7:30. We listened to her for some 45 minutes and then headed home as I had so work to finish up. Just as we were leaving Raja Sir came in. After that we left and came back home.

In between I also slightly dented our car. The first time it happened with me. All thanks to a dumb van who decided to back up when were all waiting to take a right turn. It was packed due to the festive shopping and walking would have been faster than driving around the city. And this fool who wants to take a right turn decides to change his mind, and back up and go straight instead.

And then he has the cheek to come and see what happen to his tin-can of a van. Sigh and a double sigh.

The good thing has been the weather in Chennai. Raining all it can, rinsing everywhere, for all the lapses that has happened in the past few years.

The more it rains, the more I want it to. The people here really struggle for something as basic as potable water.

There was one thing that I have noticed in my speech. Thanks to all the translation I am doing I have started using words like 'unctuous', 'ascertain', 'hinder' and what not.. Worse used them in the studios here, where people dont know whether I am using a good word or what. Thus got ragged royally and have been at the receiving end of a lot of words. More like the GMAT types.. :) Cant really help it, I am typing words away like a blitzkrieg on the computer on a day and night basis sometime :) But Cool.

One more thing that I have realized lately is that when you have enough work that you like, even when it becomes slightly arduous, you dont really feel like entertaining yourself. Or this is how I feel. Its been almost 4 months since I stepped into Dance Class. Somehow the urge to take the car out to go anywhere is really not there. Whether its a preview or for anything. Good that I am working from home. Poor mom has to do all the work sometimes while I keep peering into the comp. But guess now I will have to manage time well, decide sleep times, eat times, help-around-the-house times and all that. Sometimes I am thankful for the experiences that I have had, good and bad. Especially the bad cos it has made me a better person, opened new vistas of thought, of looking at people, and still it tests me whether I can still trust people and give them something called the benefit of doubt. Good. Thanks you God. I am happy for all that you have given me, but I am sincerely looking for 95% good things ;) Hope you are reading this he he...

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Now the next drool-worthy, dream come true... ! For me that is..

Have been using the Sony Ericsson P900 for almost a year now and have been happy, despite people warning me not to go in for this one as it is not as stable as Nokia.

It was tough for me to make the changeover.. to Sony. Thing is a friend of ours got us the phone from Germany and when it developed some problems, and luckily for me, we went to Switzerland at that time. And when we told the dealers about the problems, they got it replaced.. How cool is that!!!

This phone I have fallen in love with is the P990i Smarphone, WiFi enabled,3G Modem, better camera (thats the one thing that I dont like about the P900) at 2 Megapixels, auto zoom and what not, Symbain OS 9.1, handwriting recog, FM Radio, Full internet browser.. its WOW

Now what do I need? It just needs to come sailing into my hands.. hee hee...

Its in the 'coming soon' mode ... jut gotta see how soon it comes to me :D

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Help someone see light.....

I went to sing for yet another inaguration of a State of the Art Facility at Rajan Eye Care.

While there, I saw there was a short movie on the ype of work they had done, their visits to rural areas, free surgeries, screenings, camps... My God..One super couple and they are really service minded.

This post is to request for donations through this Blog. This is a request to whoever is reading this to donate Rs. 2500/- towards a Cataract Surgery or Rs. 5000/- towards a Corneal Implant.

Donations are exempt from tax under Section 80 G and the cheques/drafts can be made favouring Chennai Vision Charitable Trust. Once you decide to donate, you can choose a date that you want, say a birthday or an anniversary, that you want a surgery to be performed, and specify the same to them.

Leave a comment, or send me a mail for more info.

Mom and I decided to do all that we can to Rajan Eye Care.

And this is also our way of saying thanks to both Rajan uncle and Sujatha aunty, and doing maybe what we can for a worthwhile cause.

Help bring light to someone's life..

Friday, October 07, 2005

20,000 and counting :)

My hit counter looks impressive again :)

I am now trying to integrate the blog to my own sleeping chinmayionline.com.

And its becoming VERY tough to get the designer who put my website together. I need to change the look and feel and what not.. but whither Ravi??? He is damn good but cant catch him at all.. or rather I can't catch him.

He was my colleague at Sify or maybe a friend of a colleague, I am not too sure now. All I remember is that I saw him at the MMUG or the Macromedia User Group Meetings at Manasarovar Towers, were Sify once was. This was of course spear-headed by Kribs.

Wonder if I have to look for someone else to get my website up again.....sigh!

Finally the links to the concert with Raja Sir at Italy


This is it.. Happened to sing Elangathu, En Ullil (though this is sligthly sad, cos I forgot a line :D), and also in the Music Journey, asaya kaathula, and in the orchestra also I guess... a couple of my other songs are not there, and some other songs which were performed in the show.

The Music Journey also features the voice of Mr. Uttam Singh.. and I enjoyed this item personally.. a lot of things that Raja sir explained.. God it was a great experience. I liked the kabaddi song especially :D It was great fun!

I am guessing the Concert of Raja Sir's on the 16th this month at Nehru Indoor Stadium will have some items from this concert, as the Three in One, which we performed there, will be a part of this show as well :)

Goodie good .. we should go this concert. Looking forward to it:)

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

The 02 XDA Exec

This really looks too good.. This is on my wish list for now... actually I have a huge wishlist .... Am thinking of putting that up soon :D

Why? What? Where?..............whatever

Who are we all? Where do we come from and where do we go? And what is all that we do in between?

What is honesty, what are values?

Why is that values are not the same everywhere? Is it really so easy for us to hurt someone without a thought? What is this whole kinda separation in the name of religion? Aren't we cultivating hatred? Caste, Creed, Community........

You wake up in the morning, breathe the air around you, what are we gonna do during the day? are we gonna make someone hapy that they know us, or make them curse us with all their might with what we do to them? Why is jealousy and hatred all around?

Is it really so tough to love? To just be... is it tough to be true children of God? To maintain the 'Clean Slate' of mind that we had when we were born? Or were we born with all this?

When I look at someone, I usually wonder what is going on in their minds, about me. And I wonder if I had to stand apart and look at myself, how would I look? How am I? What do I seem like? What is the impression that I am giving? Do I look stupid?

Is it easy to hate and all that tough to love? Is there so much of violence in us?

What are we here for? What are we expected to do?

What is humanity? Are we human at all? Or are we something else? Why cant there be one world religion? And though people say it, why cant it be brought to effect? Is it politics, or at the end of the day, doesnt it boil down to the stupidities of the human mind?

And why is that there aren't too many of us who are comfortable staying alone? Is it because we cant be alone with ourselves because we are too scary? Can we be happy in a room all by ourselves and with no one to converse with?

What do we think of? Can we put thoughts on hold? Yes we can. Or so I have read. Is the thought-less state tough to reach. I read, that to get there, we should first let our thoughts whoosh by and look at them dispassionately. And then there are gaps between thoughts. Those are the gaps which will slowly become bigger and lead to the thought-less state.

The power of the mind.. its sooo written about, spoken about.. still the mind cannot be pinpointed on the anatomy.
Psychology doesnt acknowledge the presence of 'mind'. Is it the brain or is it the heart? Or is it the conscience? Or is it a stream? Does wish fulfllment exist? Som say natural disasters are manifestations of wish fulfilment.. Is it true?

Are diseases a manifestation of the mind? what is it to have the power to heal? And when we do have it, what about the laws of Karma? Does it mean that we are interefering in someone else's Karma to suffer? Or is their Karma that we must find them and cure them? What about Mercy Killing? Is Euthanesia wrong? Or is it right? What is it to be able to look at yourself?

Sometimes when I stand in front of the mirror, not to satisfy my vanity, but to maybe find out who is this person looking back at me? Can i morph into someone violent? Or Can I morph into a Saint?

Who am I ? Am I you? Or am I someone else? Are you me? Are we allone? Are we all pieces of a whole? Then why is that we are happy at someone else's downfall? What is the society? What is the environment if we aren't the one creating, maintaining, shredding, piecing it again? Is n't everything around us the way WE want it to be? Then why are we always unhappy? And when do I get the answers to the Why? And sometimes, Why should Why exist?

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Today has been heavy...

The day started normally. Got up in the morning, did some work, checked up on some other work.

And then, Mom told me that we have to visit a Cancer Hospice called Jeevodaya. A trip to Jeevodaya has been pending right from the time we went to Coimbatore. They take care of Cancer patients, in the terminal stages. The patients are usually abandoned, or they come there of their own accord.

As I entered there, I had no idea what I was going to face. As I had mentioned in one of my previous posts about Mayuri, a very small girl who was afflicted with cancer when she was 4, and she wanted to meet me because she liked my title song in 'Anbulla Snehidiye'. They got in touch with us and then I went over to meet the kid. This was at Apollo. 3 years back.

But this.........

One of the first things I saw as I entered was a board which talked about, the day's food donors and the death anniversaries of the people who had breathed their last there.

And then I went across to some sort of a notice board where they had posted the pictures of the people who were suffering from Oral Cancer. It was like NOTHING that I have ever imagined. And then there were notes from the patients, which told parents should make sure that their kids dont smoke, dont drink, dont have Pan Parag, keep away from bad company, and basically have clean habits. There was this one picture of a man who had oral cancer. To describe it grossly it was as if the cancer was just corroding the area in and around his mouth, half of his face had been eaten up by cancer, to reveal something that you might only think will appear in movies and nightmares.

Then the doctor, somehow, was maybe reading my face and the way it was changing, and she said she would understand if I didnt see the patients after all. That was when I broke down. And so did mom, but not as openly as I. I knew she was undergoing the same as I, but she had a ver dignified manner about it. I felt the air was charged with a feeling of dread, impending death, remorse, anger, desolation... all at the same time. This Hospice is at Madhavaram. Almost about 30-40 kilometers from where I live.

My stomach knotted, convulsed. Whatever. And it was then I realized how there were these hundreds of people I know who CRIB CRIB AND CRIB, about their lives, bosses, their Parents, Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Children, Spouse, wotnot... And how they think its sooooo God damn cool to smoke, drink or smoke 'POT' as I have recently learned, drugs.... what not. Why in God's name??? Its abuse to themselves and those around them.

How people fail to realize the gift of life that we have. That our face or any part of our body, insides or outsides is not being eaten up by something, that they are not looked at with pity, looked at by a repulsed face, and to lose what is most important to each human - self worth and dignity....That they can still move about, drive their cars, go out live their life, without having to wonder when its your time. And also that the body we have is such an amazing thing.

Mom then went in to see the patients and she told me that it was nothing like the pictures. And that I must come in to remove the grotesque ideas that I have imagined by then. I went in with the same feeling of dread. Saw a lot of people were down due to the same cancer stick or the bottle of carcinogenics. We lost our appetites. And I am still filled with the feeling of dread. Stillness looming around.. its scary.. the What If....? It will take us a long time to get back to normalcy.

I met a few people, clinging to my mom, heard a very old lady giving loud yelps of pain. And then there was another old lady who loved to sing. She kept singing one song after the other. There was another who was an attention monger, wouldnt let the doctor or anyone else look at anyone else but her, a 20 year old succumbed 5 months after she had been married, and has been paralyzed hip down due to a tumour in her spine, and its now almost 1 1/2 years since she is bed ridden.

The patients were then called and I sang for them. And then both me and mom sang. And this was the first time I sang without closing my eyes, and was never as loud.

Some of the things that the patients have to go through is the extreme pain, and then the odour. They live with it and they realize it troubles the others. A lot want to die. Some live for the moment. And they all realize how valuable life is. And live for the moment, with as much good thoughts as possible. Each day is a struggle, wake up to pain, strut through the day with pain, sleep with pain, dream of pain. And the curse of being dependant on someone else for your personal hygiene. That no one wants you anymore.

There was a lot of anger I felt after I got back into the car when we were leaving after having spent close to 4 hours there. Fury. That people can let something , well what can I say, as stupid as cigarette or alcohol rule their lives. And with smoking all those people ruin the lives of the others too. You drink, fine you drink, you spoil whats in you. You smoke, you spoil what outside you. Your family, friends who dont smoke. Why, maybe smoking should be an essential part of global warming as well.. it is as dangerous, if not more dangerous than vehicular emission. I wonder if this will lead to some kind of a genetic mutation as well. Maybe it will enter the gene pool.

The question of whether cancer can be hereditary is a debatable issue. There isn't apparently, concrete proof, about this. But the doctors do say, that if there is more than 1 case of cancer in your family (in your blood line), you must take more number of tests, be extra careful. But it certainly doesnt mean that you will get it.

True, there are people who have been smoking through their lives have had nothing wrong with them, and those who have had clean habits and succumbed to cancer. To all those who pooh-pooh all this, well God save you.

There are some cases which can be prevented, like oral cancer. The bottom line is this,
Dont smoke
Dont have Pan Parag, tobacco, and avoid alcohol as much as possible
Women - Get your Pap-Smear tests done every year after you are 30, and also conduct personal routine examinations.
Have regular health check ups.
Have a high level of personal hygiene.
And I think it could be good to stay away from chemicals, in whatever form they come, a

After all this, even if people especiallywanna smoke, they can go into an air tight room smoke all they want, not get married, and even if they do, not procreate. Apparently, its not tough for the nicotine in you to enter your baby. I am ranting. But Guess that happens when you go so close to people who are living death.

Now I see why Dr. Shanta of Cancer Institute got the Ramon Magsasay. She should have been given the highest honour ages ago. And all those who have done and are doing significant work in the field of palliative care. Palliative care is the care of cancer patients, to give simple definition.

There are people, who work with patients on a regular basis and find out how positive they are towards life and how they live the moments.

And now what do WE need to learn to live the moments and live our life well? I guess we all can do some good to humanity, if we can just stay off certain practices which are totally unnecessary. And it would be good if the realization came, before we lose someone close to us, and maybe someone who is most important to most of us - OURSELVES. And this is when I feel that cigarettes should be taken out of the market.

This may not have been a very well worded post, but this has been a pouring out of sorts. Maybe I would wish I had written it better.

If this is not clear enough, maybe each of us needs to visit a Cancer Hospice closest to us. To realize that we are God damn lucky, that we are still in one piece, hale and hearty, and that we can make whatever choices and go ahead with it, and more than anything else, to show people who are suffering from cancer that we care.