Sunday, October 29, 2006

The skies have opened up and decided to flood Chennai or so it seems.
Nice clean wet air .. and the city is all washed.. and of course flooded in most places.
On such days, you stay in, listen to your favorite music. Clean up .. organize things.. pretty good I say. There is a strange satisfaction in cleaning up and keeping things where they are supposed to be. Of course I am the primary messy person in the house. But when I do clean up, its pretty wonderful. I am not going to go all modest here. hehe
Even though a lot of things dont change in the world around you, and people are just the same, some days seem like the 'right' days. Everything is joyful, and pink and happy and pappy. Though I become very depressed on days when there is no sun and my mood is as dull and rained in as the weather outside, today was an exception. Probably my first for a pretty long time.
You just feel like smiling away. My best friend called. Spoke to her.

There were days when I have felt like people around me were either in slow motion so that I observe them better or they are running too fast that I dont understand whats going on. Felt lost. The situations are the same. But today I am looking at things with the what will be, will be kinda attitude. Being in the moment. And smiling at things around and giving a sigh that is bundled with a smile. Some days are like this. It will be good when you have everyday like this. But then this is life.. Some days there are different experience from a heavy heart. And some days there are different experiences from a joyous heart. I have seen that dwelling in some emotions is liberating in a way. Lessons learnt everyday. Lessons learnt everyday about who yo are. What makes you. For when you cant understand yourself, you dont know what you want, recognize who you are bit by bit, you are not living at all. Probably the prime goal from when we take in the first breath ever, with each movement and each step, should be to know to ourselves. Then, probably one day, we will have the answer to why things happen the way they do .. at least I hope I do. There must be a purpose and a reason for everything

Monday, October 23, 2006

Each song on my player has a certain season, if I may say that. Which means that only and only that song will play for a certain amount of time, which can be a lot, until my mom screams foul. Of course that applies to all the people I am around for a fairly prolonged period of time. I remember this time, when I looped 'Udaya Udaya' every day for a week, all the time. So my friend had to actually wonder what went on my head ... well thats what I am .. sometimes I wonder what I am ..
Who is this person who stares back at me? Who am I? What am I here for? Like they show in the movies, sometimes people melee all around me, and I seem to look around watching the drama unfold. And sometimes people all around seem to be frozen in time, and it seems like I go around them ... what would it be like to take a jump into nothingness? what would be like to jump up and float? I dont know whether I ll ever be able to levitate, but I am definitely gonna go sky diving. and para gliding as well. The unknown is always terrifying. Is this why we shy away from knowledge? Is the knowledge that we dont know so many things that terrifying that we shy away from learning? Of accepting that we dont know a lot of things? Of traversing or seeing endless expanse of anything? land, or water. With no horizon in sight? Why is there a joy when we see the sun rise? Is it because each morning we see a certain limit as perceived by us? In all its glory and light and brightness, I wish there is a little wisdom that can permeate my epidermis each day. And go deeper into my being. One of the wishes I have is that to float. Engulfed by light. No ground below, no sky on top. Arms spread. Feet together. And then curling in, turning, and then slowly becoming light itself. And then take form again. And come back. Feet feeling the ground. The big toes first. Landing like the ballet dancer who turns on her toes. Then the tips of other toes, the ball of my feet, and then finally resting my feet completely on the ground with water to just cover my feet. That seems to be like liberation to me. And that light I see as love. That would be bliss.
And the inspiration for this post. 'Dekho Na' from Swades. The music seems like magic to me right now

Friday, October 20, 2006

Water welled up.
It needed release. Was held up way too long. Dammed up too much. A lot of electricity had been generated. A lot of fields had been supplied. Inch by inch, little by little. It was clear that it wouldnt be long before it reached the top. Congestion. The wind stopped moving. It was as if it had stopped completely. Everything was still. Like the calm before the storm. Everything seemed to constrict for the inevitable. The water brimmed. The banks could no longer hold it in. A little just spilled over. And then some more. The flood gates tried to keep them in. To prevent people from knowing that the water was beyond control. The best it could. And then the flood gates had to open. From then on the water had a velocity and a path of its own to flow down. The air kept pace. Blew in gusts. Cuckoos cooed. And they made a melancholy tune. The water kept up a steady course. The wind blew harder. And finally as the water was fanned dry by the wind around and drained by the parched earth, there was peace. There was release. The flood gates closed. Not to open for a long while.
And thus, the journey of a solitary tear which could no longer be held back. A solitary tear that threatened to completely empty the canals and did just that. And with it, it emptied a soul.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

I don't know if I have posted a forward on my blog before. But I really couldn't help it this time!! This one was also *TADAAAA* forwarded to me on Orkut.
This is a forwarded mail that I got a few days ago.

I want to thank all my friends and other unknown
people who have
forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004 &
2005 and 2006.

Because of your kindness:

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out
that it's good only for
toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting
on a needle infected
with AIDS

I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using
deodorants because they

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that
they may ask me to
dial a
stupid number and then I get a phone bill from
hell with calls to
Uganda ,
Singapore and Tokyo.

I also stopped drinking water outside for fear
that I will get
sick from
the rat shit and urine.

When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl,
no matter how hot she
is, for
fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me,
then take my kidneys
and leave
me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce
account. A sick girl
that was
about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times.
(Poor girl! she's been
7 since

My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did
the free passes for a
vacation to Disneyland.

Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those
Dalai Lama, Ganesh
Tirupathi Balaji pics etc..

Now most of those "Wishes" are already married
(to someone else)!

You can add your own notes based on your similar
experience and send
them to
your friends.

If ORKUT deletes my account, it doesn't matter
"Orkut is
deleting accounts: Due to sudden rush..."
Otherwise I'll delete my

If you do not send this e-mail to at least 913760
people in the next 10
a bird will shit on your head today at 6:30 p.m.

Give me a break!!
"The World Is Filled With Foolish Ppl And Some
Think They Got Talent
Too !!!"

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Wonder Wonder

Life sometimes spins a web of conflicting emotions around you at some point in time. Desolation, desperation, elation and confidence all at the same time. Skein after skein slowly gets spun around you and you hate the stickiness of it all. The discomfort. The desire to break free and just run away. Away from it all. To Someplace things are lighter. Sometimes you wonder whether people around you wear masks all the time. And wonder whether you should wear one too. And how irritating can that be? Going around pretending to be someone you are not. Does someone who seems caring, really that? Does someone who seems polite or gentle or loving or polished really that? Or is it the face that we are supposed to see?
Having said all this, do people ever take someone at face value. For what they seem to be? And what happens to those who are not complicated at all and wish that people take them for who they are and not for contrived and preconceived notions instead?

Why do we have to keep guessing? About what people do or think or might say when we do this, this or that? Is it really that difficult to voice out what you really want from something or someone without endless amounts of time being wasted on what they feel and what they expect from you? Would things be easier then? Or would we all be a set of "I want this and I want that" kinda people? Not that we are not already. We do want. Everything under the sun. All the time.

After wearing masks all our lives are we true to ourselves? Honest to ourselves? Do we know who we are? When we go to sleep did we know the person that we were today or did a stranger stare right back at us when we peeped at some reflective surface? Do we know what we want? Do we listen to the voice that only whispers most of the times from within us?

I wonder, ok thats not new, since thie post so far has a lot that I wonder about. Now I forgot why I started the previous line.
I now wonder anew, that If we were all sure about who we were first, then wouldnt things probably work better around us?

As for me I have begun to detest games people play. Sure that was the title of one of the bestsellers. But really, the amount of literature to understand this person and to understand that, reading body language... all that ticks me off. of course someone might catch me reading those books as well. A person gotta know the books I say... For example someone who scratches his head while talking to you could be lying. What if he has a severe case of dandruff? Someone sits this way, tilts the head that side and keeps their hands this way and uses their eyes in a particular fashion could mean a whole lot of different things - please note - OTHER than what they are telling you with words. How about Being a Simpler Person? Because if these books are best sellers then people obviously spend their time in book stores or on the web looking for the book, and energy as well sometimes researching on who says what about a book and then spending money and buying. Why? To understand other people better. Apparently the need is there. So my thought after this profound (?) post is that high time people stopped being complex, and spinning webs here and there and getting caught in them sometimes and wondering how to get out and rid of the silly goo. And then wondering how to spin a new web.

And living the life of a human being is probably one of the most complex things. With all the resources and brains given to us, we have found new ways of mucking things up rather than making them easy.

Disclaimer: Random thoughts like these need not have a personal relevance.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

I once read this quote that goes something like Middle is a time everyone you meet reminds you of someone else. If thats the case, I am well into my middle ages.
Happened to meet one of my classmates today after a couple of years. And I went into the coffee shop. Waited for her to turn up. And then once she came in we caught up on a lot of things. Thats when I noticed a group of girls very politely asking a guy to vacate a 'table' in the coffee house, since they were 5 and he was one. I had a feeling that the girl reminded me of someone. And later she turned to me and said, Hi! we have met. I had met her once, at a friend's wedding and I had spent a lot of my time with her. And as usual, the way time plays its games, we lost touch. And then, well I felt foolish that I couldnt remember her name. I usually have a great episodic memory. But names I dont remember. So then after my friend left, I started talking to her. And then this girl also left, and I got to talking with her friends. I got to know 4 new persons. They said I wouldnt remember their names again. I didnt argue there. But was a great conversation. So we all decided to leave together. And as I was leaving, I saw a junior from school. She came out and did a little bit of a catch-up with her as well.
End of the day, I went in to meet one person, and ended up meeting more than I planned to!
What is the moral of this blog? None.. just random blah