Of studying and more

Like everyone else, during their teens, I used to be glued to MTV and Channel (V). After a point in time, my mom came up to me and said, "Are you going to be watching TV all your life or would you be doing anything constructive that you'll be on TV and that others may watch you?". Though at that time I would have sulked like any other kid that age (I don't remember if I did or not), I know that I would probably say the same to my kids. As for the Television, it has not been switched on in over 8 months at my place and has been reduced to a wall accessory.

Mom told me yesterday that whenever she thought she was going through tougher times, she used to study. And that was the best way to engage the mind in something constructive. Time and again would she give me this reminder of not wasting time unnecessarily on various things as tech advanced. Chatting or SMS. She would say what an awful waste of time SMS/Chat were, the time spent in typing some 20 lines a phrase at a time to convey an idea/thought is at least 10 times more than what we would take in just saying it including the response time from the listener, considering we are not talking of monologues.

In retrospect, I remember that most older members of my family used to keep studying for something or the other. My mom or mom's sibling. Some exam or the other. 

And looks like the genes may have finally caught up with me, albeit late but as they say, Der se aaye par durust aaye.

I am perhaps embarking on similar exercises that I shall undertake, God willing, in studying one thing after another. And let me tell you, studying once you are an adult of reasonable mental capacities is a great experience. Especially when you are doing something just for the heck of it. There is no pressure. You don't have to take an exam. But studying or the collection of some knowledge is actually fun. A friend of mine happened to echo this same thought of mine and sent me a text late in the night "Did I say studying was FUN!!", to which I responded, I tweeted about it a few days ago :)

I'm not sure if I can hazard to make a fleeting statement like reading as a habit is going down or people are less willing to listen, less willing to learn, so on and so forth, but if I belong to this generation that has seen such a quantum changes in the world we see and the world we have grown up in and with, a generation that has enmasse been accused of ADD (attention deficit disorder) or to be kind, lets say short attention spans, I would also say perhaps in a generation that has perhaps seen it all, the beauty of values and ethics is perhaps getting more impressed upon us than it could have for the previous generations. We have seen disintegration of ethics and morals, judgmental attitudes (yes I realize the words before and after the comma is pretty relative, but then, one man's poison is another man's medicine), nothing seems to be sacred really and as much as I perceive or notice it, the wild children I know are shifting focus to what values our grandparents used to have. That said, I wish wisdom and ideas and practices and customs had been explained and passed on to us without shrouding it in cloaks of secrecy and in respect where questioning meant a display of disrespectful attitude and perhaps we have now become the generation where we learn everything for ourselves first hand, without the wealth of ancient wisdom backing us at times when we need it most, and then finally learning our lessons in hindsight.

To you, reading this blog, I'd urge you to study something, take an exam here and there, even if the exam was on, let's say, "How to ice flowers on cupcakes" (I'm sure there is a course on this somewhere, considering the cupcake boom) and if all that is too much, just read. 

Learning and assimilating knowledge is fun.

Teasers of Neethane En Ponvasantham and Eto Velipoyindhi Manasu

10 Years

14 February 2002. The day Kannathil Muthamittaal released. 10 Years of being a playback singer. Despite several hurdles.

Thank you Rahman sir for the god-awesome break. Thank you for your blessings through these years. I have looked upon you as a Guru.

Thank you Mani Ratnam sir for retaining my voice. Grateful that the first ever song I sang were Vairamuthu Sir's lines.

To Mani Sir and Priya V and Dhina Sir for making me sing the title track of Anbulla Snehidiye introducing me to a wide audience before Kannathil Muthamittal released though KMI was recorded first.

OrU Deivam was the best ever break one could ask for in films. It was a prayer answered. A wish fulfilled. A dream come true. Though I guess I recorded the song sometime in December 2000 and subsequently in May 2001, the release is what marks the entry of an artiste in films.

If that break didn't happen nothing else would have followed. At a time when I thought I was going to be written off, I got a second break of sorts with Sahana and for that I am grateful to AR sir and Shankar sir.

To Harris sir for his kindness and for giving me a chance to sing a composition like Varayo that led me to win almost all the awards in 2010.

Raja sir for his kindness in giving me an amazing opportunity to sing in his concert in Italy, at one of the oldest and best opera houses in Modena, though I hadn't sung for him in films at all except the short Engu Pirandhadhu, which incidentally happened after this concert. It was an experience to cherish.

To Paul Jacob, for whom I faced a studio mic for the first time for a jingle.

To S A Rajkumar sir, Dheva sir - who has probably given me the most number of songs in all this while and Srikanth Deva sir, Imman, Ramesh Vinayagam anna, Dhina sir, Selvaganesh ji, Bharadwaj sir, Vidyasagar sir, G V Prakash, Taj Noor, Yuvan Shankar Raja, Bhavatharini, Premgi Amaran, Sathya C, Ghibran, Joshua Sridhar, Fen Viallee, Devi Sri Prasad, Mr. James Vasanthan, M Jayachandran ji, Ouseppachan sir, Mr Samson, Sri Chinna, Sadhu Kokila ji, Mithoon and every composer who has thought of me and allowed me to be the voice of their creation.

I hope I will not be in soup if I have failed to mention a composer's name. If I have, I shall stand corrected and humbly request pardon.

Grateful to the print/TV/Radio media (presenters on TV and radio) for writing/speaking about me.

Grateful to the sound engineers that make me sound good, the musicians who have played for me at various concerts.

Thankful to the artiste coordinators and PROs.

Grateful to Mr Krishna who took the risk and invested the time in giving me the opportunity in dubbing. To Mr Gautham Vasudev Menon thanks to whom I got the first Nandi award for Ye Maaya Chesave and my debut in Telugu and Hindi through YMC and Ek Deewana Tha.

SICADU the dubbing Union and the musicians Union for their understanding and support.

To Neelambari and Rajkumar for working with me and training me to be a TV show host.

C S Amudhan and Aahaa FM for letting me dabble in hosting on radio.

To everyone who was part of a jury that gave me an award. To audience who voted at various times whenever applicable. To the Tamilnadu and Andhra Pradesh State Governments for bestowing me with the honour of the State awards.

To my well wishers and those who like my singing.

My mom. From her I was born. From her I learned to sing. And because of her I continue to exist. No mommy. No Chinmayi. No singer called Chinmayi.

God. For being nice. As for the really trying times, I guess I don't know if I should thank you for those, because I still don't see the point and I don't forgive you for a lot of things. But, I still like you. And hope you like me too.

To you having had the patience to read this, thank you.

From an introverted, quiet girl I have come a long way. I have existed as a playback singer because of the kindness of all the composers and directors.

Otherwise, I guess I will continue to keep evolving, learning and improving. With the knowledge and confidence that my mother will guide me through the rights and wrongs and God will stand by us.

I am not sure how many more months/years I will continue to get opportunities as a playback singer, in this day and age and I am grateful for every single day, every single opportunity.

Thank you.

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu.

School....

I happened to catch up with a few of my school-friends over dinner. More often than not, when I am probably given a notice of say, a week or 10 days, for such a rendezvous, I usually don't make it. But this was fixed in a 2 hour notice and thankfully I wasn't expected to be at some studio yesterday and finally made it to probably one of the nicest evenings I have had. 

Talking of school, my best times were at Hindu Senior, Indira Nagar. Our Principal then, Mr V Venkatachalam, IMO was super dynamic, let us be what we wanted to be. He would allow one of my classmates to come 3 hours late to school because he was training to be a tennis player. I can't think of any other school that would allow that. He let me go to an All India level competition with barely a couple of weeks left to go for the board exam. I came first in that thankfully but I appreciate his vision even more now. 

Somehow, the best memories are of school for me. Maybe it is true for a lot of people. I remember one of our classmates was really good at imitating teachers and hence when my Physics teacher, Swarna ma'am came to know of it she asked him to come forward and perform, for the benefit of the entire class and herself. We were initially scared but it was even more fun when our teacher joined in and laughed when she saw her student imitate her. 

Last night we spoke of a whole lot of things, school, classes, the super performers, sports day and PE teachers, throwball teams A and B, who was brilliant, who broke fingers and throw ball was the one sport I was actively involved in school. And the HSSS hosted the SDK Throwball cup and somehow Hindu won each year coz we were the best. Quite proud of this. :D I have romanced the idea of some sort of a throw ball match reunion but God knows if that will ever happen. The throw ball matches were fun for the boys in school basically because they got to see entertaining games between girls of various schools who would land up in our playground. And we perhaps had one of the biggest playgrounds then. I hear the ground isn't there anymore and I can't bear to go back and see it. 

We had a basketball court and a superb gallery. And, every Friday it would be the responsibility of some class/section to decorate the Ganesh temple in our premises. Kolam and Sundal, Bhajan and the entire post noon session off :)

Probably at that age, we would split hair about who got more marks or who performed better in some sport. But looking back, for me, it was a beautiful phase in my life. And as my classmate told me, we were all friends with each other in the purest form. No ulterior motives. She said by the time we are in college the friendships that forge there are very different from the ones forged at school. 

Over the dinner table, watching my friends talk of career, family, parenthood, school, college, home, cleaning, gardening I wondered how and when time flew. It seemed like yesterday that we were in eighth standard. Staircases and corridors, blackboards and chalk pieces, question papers and answer sheets and the red numerators and denominators within a circle. 

Looking out of the window before I type this line, I don't wish to go back to that time. It has served its purpose.

There will always be a part of me that is frozen in that 8th standard. An age of innocence, simple joys and simple sadnesses, simple challenges and simple solutions. No matter how grown-up and adult the society expects me to be. The child in me is forever alive and kicking.

Perhaps at the end of the journey of living as Chinmayi I hope to figure out the reason behind it all. And I hope it would end with a relaxed smile. 

Flipping pages

Happened to read posts that I wrote when I had begun blogging. It's interesting to see what we have written at times and to go back and perhaps reflect on the decisions and the thought process we'd have had. And especially when such logs are in a public domain for all to see.

There was this phase where I wrote absolutely random prose on nothing in particular. But perhaps if I had not blogged it here I would have totally forgotten. Books get misplaced. Papers get torn. And devices are exchanged. Seems like the internet is the place of ever after.

However the exercise of changing this space into a proper website has been a work in progress for aeons. Wonder if I ll get this done this year at least. Ah, well. Resolutions....!!!

Arpan

A learned, wise man once told me to dedicate everything I do and every note I sing to the Goddess Saraswati. For me, it is actually difficult to imagine the form of any one God/Goddess when I think of the creator. More often than not my God is formless. Yes I love many of the rituals and practices associated with my culture that has been passed down to me by my family, question some, but over all I am happy for the cultural identity that I have. 

Once when I went back to this gentleman and was telling him about a struggle that I was going through, he said only one thing. Dedicate it all to the Goddess. She shall watch over you and though Saraswati might come across as a calm, peaceful Goddess, Saraswati would actually dance the dance of destruction on the ego of the one that causes the pain on her devotee. This of course stands true in the case of the devotee as well.

As they say a lot of this wisdom I have heard from mom but when it comes to me again from a different soul, its is reaffirmation and a case of dejavu. And of course, the "why didn't I practice this when mom told me a long while ago"?

On the previous post, I happened to ask that question to know what general opinion is like. At least as a dipstick opinion poll, if you may. There are some people who say no celebrity can exist if there are no fans. I had always honestly wondered what that means. In my humble opinion, a fanboy is someone who perhaps, religiously follows an artiste's work and more often even blind to any inconsistencies and worships the artiste. In our culture, especially in south India, this is not an unknown concept where the fan doesn't merely stick pictures of his favorite actor in his room, or the wallpaper/screensaver on his mobile device, watch the movies (at theaters mostly). But he is also the guy who will stick his body with a million needles and walk on fire if his favorite actor's health fails. Eat food from the bare ground. Get coconuts broken on his head. And we all know about all this. Of course this isn't the definition of a fan. There are definitely others who admire their favorite stars' work in a more peaceful fashion. But to me the ultimate fan was the kind who I saw everytime a Superstar film released. I thought it was stuff of legends until TV Channels showed it. And of course when he was going through a rough patch with his health, the kind of prayers and everything else was amazing. Of course, beyond south India, the actors of the North say no one gets the sort of adulation that stars in the south get. I am drifting, but coming back...

I was also told that it is my business to learn to sing, keep learning, singing and go about on related work. Everything - awards, praise, encomiums are all incidental. The only thing that will last is the art. I will only be a practitioner who will also eventually be lost in the sands of time or become the drop in the ocean. 

To me, I shall humbly state that (in my case) only the sadhaka or the practice of music exists. Only music exists. Criticism, praise, compliments, fans, awards, money is all incidental. And one day I shall also cease to exist and become a statistic. That is all there is to it. 

As for criticism or taking any, my greatest critic is my mother. Each of her words in relevant situations have been like a bitter pill but she has poured it down my throat and the taste will last a lifetime. This doesn't mean I disregard any criticism from others but based on my own personal life experiences only the words of my mother ring true "Azha azha solluvakka tham manusha... sirikka sirikka pesumaam ooru". As of now, my mother is the truest genuinest well-wisher.

Her words are honestly for my own good, my improvement and evolution as an artiste, musician, a woman, a human being. She wouldn't hestitate to slap me across the face to drive a point if there were ever a day that it had to come to that. To her I am Chinmayi, her daughter and perennially, a student. To the world, I can be anyone. Based on individual and various perceptions. I can be held responsible for what I do, but I can't be held responsible for what someone thinks of me. They are responsible for their acts/opinions.

To some I might come across as someone who doesn't accept views, but to this day every comment on this blog is co-vetted by my mother. I know a lot of people get very uncomfortable with this fact. But in the Indian culture there is nothing wrong in this. I love this in the culture in my home. For those who have not been able to have this sort of a comfortable equation with their family/parents, yup, it will be difficult to digest. Hey, I have a great mom who is a friend. Many allow access of their personal accounts to friends, but don't trust family or parents in particular in some cases. It is sad. The family is usually the last to know about an issue. Friends are the first to know. Of course everyone's family set up is different so I shall abstain from commenting further. As I myself have said before, the wearer knows where the shoe pinches.

Today there are more people who are envious of me that I have such a strong and capable mother as Mrs Padmhasini than for whatever meagre talent that I have. 

I thank those who are kind enough to wish well for me. I thank those who criticize with genuine intent. I thank those who only wish ill for me too, because I derive joy from equipping myself, becoming more successful and going higher. They give me the proverbial fire in the belly. Thanks to them complacency has never crept up on me. There is always some challenge around the corner and I am grateful to God for that. I am grateful for my life, the opportunities, the composers' kindness because THEY are truly the ones who have kept me surviving as a playback singer.

And as for the post on criticism below, I'd like to clarify that I - as one of the so many million voices in this country and with the right to free speech as everyone else - disagree on then those who criticize with a malice. On those who don't know what it takes for someone to bring their work of art to the public. Of course no one wants to learn or know the other man's struggle. I criticize the one who just blabs and never attempts to learn the intricacies of the piece/work he criticizes. The one who is actually feigns expertise but honestly knows nothing.  It is easy to talk. Tougher to walk the talk. Which is why in this country or, more so, in this world of so many billion people, only few are artistes. Creators. Only few have it in them to blaze new trails. Some follow them. Some criticize them. And the creators exist because God wills them to. And they'll exist despite anything and anyone. 

And with that I end this post. Thank You for reading and God bless.

Just asking

Does an artiste exist and prosper because of his talent/expertise in the art
or because of fans?


Would love to know your opinion just to see what common viewpoints are like.

Criticism and otherwise

OK. Since there are some questions on this particular paragraph in the previous post and tweets that I have posted which might sound similar to this. 

One of the things I feel is missing today, in this era of super-fast attempted comprehension and hence I believe what has actually been communicated in black and white is being happily misinterpreted. People are in a hurry to read, in a hurry to understand and in a hurry to interpreter in their own words. Not much reading. Not much reflection is happening. I realized I was speed reading and missing the point once in a while and realized I would read anything, be it a tweet or a newspaper when I can devote those minutes to reading the written word.

Now coming back to the paragraph that I started off about at the beginning of this post

"I ll tweet, maybe blog about issues closest to my heart, raise funds and spread word for causes. And might even go support Anna Hazare and sit on a fast. But that is all. If you are one to say, "Oh, if you can't change the system by joining it, don't complain". If you say that, Would you accept it if I say, for example, "Dont criticize a film or say that it is bad or a song is bad unless and until you can compose or come up with something better."

The question was "Would you accept it if I said you cannot criticize a film?" I didn't say don't criticize. I am nobody to tell anyone don't criticize. In the same vein, I would also say that it is in my purview to accept something as criticism or, to put it plainly, brush it aside as bullshitting and I think the sense of faux satisfaction that a layman turned 'critic' gets by just word-lashing someone in the name of 'constructive criticism'. 

I am brought up to take criticism. In my entire life I have hardly heard even a fraction of the compliments or praise that the next contestant in a reality show today would have heard. I have been raised and now also proudly belong to a school of thought which believes a talented child should not be praised on the face and that it would lead to the child stagnating. (This is an entirely different topic - my mom is the right person to blog about this - And then I have the special talent of meandering here and there before I come to the point on most of my posts. So, if you are not new to my blog, you would probably smile and say 'yeah'. Or if you hate my guts, you'd curse me and read on anyway :p)

Now for this question of criticism and taking it.

I guess blogging and tweeting and everything else has opened the floodgates of brash expression, on a not so new platform. Everyone is proud of being outspoken, 'honest', straightforward and similes thereof. A lot of people are wannabe journalists. A lot of people are wannabe critics. 

That said, I am also the person who sometimes has wondered about the expertise/scholarship of a present day critic even in a reputed newspaper. I wonder what they base their opinion on. Not of the truly learned critic of a different era. 

I humbly believe that watching every film that releases and having an opinion does not make someone a critic. So here you may ask, OK Miss I-refuse-to-get-down-from-my-high-horses, what is your exalted opinion on what a critic should be?

I haven't defined the perfect critic yet. But I think they are someone who is as honest (what am I asking for?), free of personal bias (what am I asking for, again?), has to be an expert on the subject (IMHumbleOpinion) especially the third point if they are going all out to denounce someone or something and if they are, they must justify why they are doing it.If I were reading that piece it would definitely finally rest in my mind whether I accept the reasons or not. We are all judges of something or the other at various points in everyday life.

I have taken advise from the people who I know only want the best from me and of me. My mother always said, "azha azha solluva tham manusha, ooru sirikka sirikka paesum" I know that, I realize that too.

I know that the very same people who might compliment me today on the blog or on twitter or organically might actually believe a piece of crappy gossip, repeat it in various places and hold me guilty until innocent. The benefit of doubt will never exist for someone who is in the public eye. I even say that if anyone were to see me in an accident and bleeding on the road, I would probably bet one of my prized possessions that most even if they recognize me, would only drive past. Because who would want to go get caught up with the police and the hospital and the responsibility that comes with it? Someone might call the ambulance but thats all. Because ultimately, none really cares for anyone except the family (if you are lucky) or the ones that truly love you. Everyone else are passing clouds.

That doesn't mean I am not grateful for the love and people who wish me well from wherever they are. The good energy that comes my way or the people that genuinely pray for my well being. 

But just looking at all this with a sense of detachment. Life remains a lone journey. Sometimes you might have people who might travel a certain distance with you but that's all there is to it. 

As for why I don't talk about other music albums or films -

I don't even mention which movie I watch or which album I have heard these days because people ask me for my opinion. And most people don't want to accept it if I said I liked the album. Or a film. It is the age of sensationalism and people wanting to become news-makers (by making up news at times) and news-breakers. A good number of average tweeters and bloggers today wants to compete with no less than the NDTVs and CNNs of the world in 'Breaking News'. 

I guess like everything that goes through growth, peaks and rattles or whatever and then settles, this obsession with wanting to share everything and wanting to opine on everything under the sun will soon hit a saturation point on the social media.

I don't think blogging is journalism. Just like how a diary cannot be called a book or a piece of literature. A weblog is a weblog is a weblog. Call it whatever. Host it wherever. It is a personal opinion. Some blogs might have research, might have supporting data for the veracity of the claims. But then, hey, if I change this opinion in the future and you see a post which might be contradictory to this, don't kill me. Man is supposed to learn, evolve and change. 

I also find it absurd when people ask "You said this then, you changed your mind now" Or "this model said she wont act. Now she is acting". Or some such thing. So what? Is it the end of the world? Their life. Their choices. Their mind. They can maintain it, change it, not change it, whatever. And again, its their life :)

Coming back, even if I don't like something that has come from an artiste/book after having become involved in this industry, seeing how people struggle, how much a director or every technician goes through, anyone who has their heart in the right place would never criticize publicly. It doesn't mean artistes don't get negative comments or that people in the industry only keep praising each other. Na. On the contrary, I would daresay that most of the people that I have met in this business of films are happy enough to discuss what they liked/didn't like about each others' work of art over a cup of coffee or a phone call. Just that they don't let the general public know. And at the end of the day, everyone doesn't need to know everything. :) No? :)

And likewise, it makes perfect sense for me to just make a call/send an SMS or an email to someone if I had a problem with a certain thought. I definitely can let them know straight away instead of making a huge scene about it with total strangers. I somehow believe in the idea of praise in public and criticize in private.

P.S.: To those who might follow me on twitter and may even point out that a friend of mine is doing this or that, if I disagree with my friend, I ll do it in private. Never in public. And I ll never let a friend down in public. Loyalist that I am :)

A year that whooshed by

It seems like yesterday that 2011 was born.

Being a part of the US/State Dept Global Women's mentoring partnership, meeting amazing women from all over the world, attending the Fortune MPW Summit, winning the Nandi award, singing some truly beautiful compositions, to learning so many essential lessons in a world that is changing every moment and every day. 

I was surprised at winning the Nandi award for dubbing in Ye Maaya Chesave. Never in my life had I imagined that I would win an award for dubbing. But Ye Maaya Chesave was an amazing break for me in Telugu films. 

Attending the mentorship program, meeting women in the list of the Fortune MPW, getting to listen to, speak to people who created, sustained or grew phenomenal organizations was an experience to cherish for a lifetime. My mentors Joan Amble and Denise Pickett remain in touch with me.

Launching the Chinmayi Sripada app was another thing I am proud of. An idea of Naveen Varadarajan to launch what he called the first celebrity app. It had 25,000 downloads in about 3 months. And was in the Top 25 within a week. With that I became the first musician to launch an app made for all iOS devices. The android app has been stuck for weeks. But then I guess it will release when it has to. And with that we ll release content specially made and exclusive to this app.

The year made me realize and learn a lot of mob tendencies which is highly rampant on a platform like Twitter. (And as a platform twitter does nothing to control abuse or trolls). It is truly an art to communicate effectively and succinctly in 140 characters. Its open to interpretation. And honestly, people want to understand only what they want understand. With pre-conceived notions. And a space where there are a lot of trolls and those who abuse. Especially against women. If I ever had the power to pass a bill for abuse against women especially on social network, I would raise all my hands and attach new hands too. More women are abused and blackmailed with the help of social media. More threatened. Maybe so are men. But if you are a parent and are reading this, don't run to ask your daughter/sons to delete accounts. Instead ask them to watch what they say and who they add. And the saying is perhaps true : Don't trust anyone that easily.

At a photoshoot, a photographer told me that perhaps 'celebrities' should remain aloof and not attempt to communicate or let their ideas be understood or come down to the social media. Because most don't want to understand. It made sense, but then I was perhaps one of the first few from the film industry to start blogging quite a while ago. My posts might have been sporadic. I have used this space to rant, reminisce, log random thoughts. I am not regretting this space or my interaction in the social media. But clearly, as I have learned, it is a double edged sword. 

There are really no friends here. Everyone is of some sort of a utility value. Maybe that is true of life in general. And that is all there is to it. If you are lucky to have a good, supportive, positive family and a good set of friends, then you are exactly that. Lucky. Of course, the social media is used for good purposes too. To network, raise funds for charities, spread the word on causes and so much more. 

A lot of times I have probably been vocative about various issues especially on twitter. And so many, have, in all their gullible glory, asked me if I am going to join politics. How many of us discuss the goings on over a cup of coffee? Or over lunch/dinner? A phone conversation? The social media, in this scenario, for me is an extension of that. 

I was talking to a friend the other day who was saying that we are in an age where everyone believes he can be a leader. This, of course, can be a good thing in a way. We have had generations of young men and women who have been suppressed by various factors, society being the greatest of them all, in forcing hordes to take the beaten path. 

Aeons ago, those who said the earth was round were burned on the stake. Women who had the gift of healing were labeled witches and burned on the stake. Women who were intelligent were again burned on the stake. If you were special, you had better keep quiet. The society and - to be blunt - the mediocre, average or low IQ people - forced you into being and becoming one of them. One wasn't allowed to be special. The politics of the corrupt minds and those in power has been as old as the stars.

Coming back, everyone thinks and believes he can be a leader. Why help someone else? A man who can be a great orator need not be a good leader or an administrator. Each one has a specific role to do. I draw the example of great singers, actors, writers, artistes of the pre-independence era who were active in the freedom movement. They propagated the message of freedom. They inspired men and women, girls and boys in every corner of the country to stand up and fight for the vision and dream of a free India. Various leaders arose. Many of them killed by the British. Each of their efforts was the proverbial drop of water in the pot. 

One man survived as the leader of them all. It was destiny. India was free.

Today our country is in a sorry state. All of us, in all our capacities need to be speak and tell ourselves and everyone else to love our country truly and work to see, if the mammoth dream of a minimum-corruption India is possible amongst a lot of other things. I wonder if accountability would be the one cure, for starters. There are tons of issues to grapple with. India needs intelligent minds to handle so many sectors and areas. Micro management is more important than one central management.

I speak of things that I feel most about. My country is definitely one of them. Spreading the message of human trafficking is one of them. Keeping our roads and cities and town clean is one which I did as an RJ. Promoting the philanthropic spirit that our country was once famous for is one. An equal, non-discriminatory, caste-free society is one, for, no country that discriminates against its own people has been known to prosper. There are so many dreams that I have for myself too like anyone else. 

But that is about it. This life is for me to be a singer, a life in pursuit of being a musician par excellence, maybe even a serial entrepreneur considering I started a couple of other ventures this year.

For example Javed Akhtar, Shabana Azmi, Lata Mangeshkar have all been nominated members of the RS. But would you or I call them politicians? Or artistes? I would safely say for myself and maybe for a good number of the readers of this post that they ll be artistes first. Forever. Lata ji produced movies, composed music, acted too. But she, forever, will be the nightingale. SPB sir sings, dubs, hosts, produces, composes, directs and whatnot, but he will forever be a legendary singer. 

As much as my little sparrow sized brain can understand, being a politician means having have to stomach, swallow and bear a whole lot of insults plus putting your life at risk, never being able to trust anyone... the list is endless. More so for women. I admire the woman who has the guts and the nerves of steel to be in politics. And more importantly, the sharp intellect and having her wits about her all the time to outsmart tons of others with the sheer dint of intellect and brains.  Ah the joy! :D

I ll tweet, maybe blog about issues closest to my heart, raise funds and spread word for causes. And might even go support Anna Hazare and sit on a fast. But that is all. If you are one to say, "Oh, if you can't change the system by joining it, don't complain". If you say that, Would you accept it if I say, for example, Dont criticize a film or say that it is bad or a song is bad unless and until you can compose or come up with something better.

There can only be a few leaders. If everyone becomes leaders who ll follow? Very few have the talent and the brains to run a street/city/council/state/country. Everyone cannot. 

The very same friend said, if you have the pressing feeling to help the country, first start with yourself, then your family. If you have succeeded there, start with your extended family. Then your street. Your town/village. Then the city. Then the state. The country. The world. Most of us wont get past the first couple of points. Because there would be so much to do there itself.

And the thing is, once the first two in the list are have a tick mark next to them, there begins a domino effect. Everything will automatically change for the better. 

Life has been good to me so far. A mixed bag yes. But predominantly good. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I have emerged stronger. And I realize with each passing day, out of sheer comparison and by looking at the world around me with a clarity in vision that each passing day of experience gives me that my mother is definitely my greatest asset. She belongs to the category of king makers. Visionaries. I am not saying this because she is my mother. But because, I humbly state, that I am objective enough to look at her with the point of view of a third person. And I realize all the more that I am plain darn lucky.

To parents, keep a watch on your children. Explain, talk, converse with them and get them to understand. The world is becoming crazier. Make sure your kids/siblings are with in the right company. Know who your kids friends are and encourage them to meet at your home. Be doubly sure about who you/your kids/siblings marry. There are more psychopaths out there than you can imagine. Oh, but yes. the world is still a good place.

For couples with young kids teach them about the Good touch and the bad touch. Tell them to be brave enough to talk to you about an adult who touches them inappropriately. Whether you have a son or a daughter. A fair number of boys I have met have been abused by their own family members and have been afraid to talk about it. Unfortunately we are a country that victimizes the victim. (Note: If you can please read this book called Half The Sky)

May God bless you, be with you and if you come across difficult times, turn to God. No matter how angry you may be with anything. Scold God. Throw things at God. Do whatever. (I am saying this to myself as well). And yes, have faith. It definitely does move mountains. If you are an atheist, I don't know what to say... Umm.. May be ask for help and guidance from a greater force (coz lets face it, you - the atheist - cannot be the most powerful thing in the world :p) May you be healthy and happy.

May 2012 truly be the emergence of a whole new world and a time of beautiful times for the good. Tathaastu.

Wondering

Why so many comments to the Lord Rama posts are anonymous. Just curious, is it about laziness of not leaving a name, even if it were fake, because you never know who is behind an ID these days, or is it only behind a curtain that people can speak their hearts and otherwise they dont have the guts to do so? Just asking. Not intended to hurt any of the commenters.

Ek Deewana Tha

Here is the theatrical trailer and I am, once again the voice of Jessie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGMUoQYi4wg

However I have not sung in this film.
And with this I have spoken for Jessie in Tamil, Telugu and Hindi (A little bit of Malayalam as well)

Response to the comments on 'Questions....'

The comments section was really expanding and hence I thought it would probably be better to post here. It was amazing to read the various comments and cements the notion that discussions of this nature cannot be trivialized on Twitter. Huge lesson learned this year.

To Mr Ramesh: I am not sure if I am that important a person that the youth in general would follow. However if that were true, I would prefer that youngsters make decisions based on rational thinking. As long as the questions are answered properly, and as long as the mind that questions is after knowing the truth or the relative truth as the case may be, is brought to a state of stillness then that would be the true democracy that Hinduism has also practiced through the ages. Sant Jnaneshwar, Ramanuja, Madhvacharya and Adi Shankara have all argued and debated about the scriptures at various intellectual congregations.

I would suggest that you read this book called 'Am I a Hindu'. And also suggest you read the ACK titles of the sants I have mentioned. You ll see people have always questioned. And the true seekers have always accepted new knowledge instead of being imprisoned by dogma. 

Mr Srijith/Pavi/ Mr Trivedi/Mr Telkar: Loved your comment. Thank you

Suchi: Will read that book. 

Anusuya: The operative word is 'cosmic' ocean as you have mentioned. If you can, do read this book called Am I a Hindu. It should answer a lot of the questions you have. I loved reading it. 

My questions on Lord Rama

Now before anyone pounces on me with pre-concceived notions, (based on reactions I have seen on Twitter) as being blasphemous, anti-Rama, Anti-Hindu or any such thing, here is a disclaimer, at the beginning. This is a post, voicing out questions that I have had, in the quest of finding the answer. 

While I have the questions I am also aware that

- Our texts have been translated and interpreted in various ways by various people and Sanskrit (Valmiki Ramayana which is my point of reference here) being the complexly beautiful language that it is, a single statement could be interpreted in several ways, based on whatever little I have read in my short span of literacy and living.

- My questions may provoke arguments, incite anger, irritate or any other simile to that effect one may deem correct at the point of reading this post.

- The reader may be firing on all cylinders which may eventually lead to emotional outbursts on the comment section.

- I can be labeled Anti Hindu as said earlier

- People may say I hurt sentiments. To this I can only say that questions have almost always hurt someone or the other. But that has never deterred an inquisitive mind

- having been given the 'celebrity' tag, enough people tell me to measure my words a million times more. I always wondering a million times more than who? Because I am not meeting too many people organically or virtually who measure their words at all. If Twitter is anything to go by profanity, abuse and vulgarity is pretty rampant in the name of Freedom of Speech.

Anyway if I think up of anymore disclaimers I shall add that as a P.S.

Though the questions that you may see below are not something that have risen suddenly, I base these on the books that I have read. Amar Chitra Katha initally. Some other books and translations. By oral tradition as well which is one of the most important traditions of our culture. The Karna Parampara. Or rather I should say the Story of Ramayana. I confess I have not read the treatise in Sanskrit. If you have a suggestion on any work on the Ramayana I should readthat may state the reasons and the hidden meaning for various actions, given in English, please do let me know. I am happy to expand the horizons of my mind which I think, to the end of my days will always be limited in some way or the other. And my quest- among the other quests that I have - will be to bring down one limitation after another.

I happened to be dubbing for Sri RamaRajyam in Tamil for the character of Sita and as I dubbed I guess the questions I have always had kept bobbing up and I knew I had to blog about it. Sitting in Hyderabad after a pretty long session today and having some time on my hands, I figured I had deliberated enough before writing about it.

Sita seemed to have gone through only misery from the time she married into the Raghukula. More so Urmila, the wife of Lakshmana. But then I guess I will have to write about Urmila another day.

Coming back to Sita, after Rama, Lakshmana and her return to Ayodhya. After her Agni Pariksha which Rama thought was necessary to prove to the world that Sita was above blame and not for his sake, because he knew Sita was peerless. Rama becomes King. Sita is queen. Then comes the famous washerman who is said to have driven his own wife out of the house saying "I am not Rama to take back a wife who has lived in another's house".

Rama is informed of this and he decides, in the interest of the kingdom and his Dharma as a ruler first that he must banish Sita, who is with child, back to the forest.

Without delineating on the story further, since I assume, you the reader knows it, I have only these questions of Lord Rama. I dont mind it if He were to condescend and answer them to me in my dream or something (:p), so that I may understand. Or in any other way He may deem right which definitely does not involve suffering. (You know we must be careful what we ask of God or in the name of a wish, the problem sometimes that it will come true, as some famous quote says)

1. As a husband of Sita, who was peerless and blameless, the pativrata, he sent her to the forest again, without telling her what her crime was. She receives punishment, but he doesn't deem it necessary to tell her himself what has wrought this situation. Though there is an explanation that his heart would have broken if he had to break the news to Sita who was to become a mother, I can come to terms with this reasonably about him not informing Sita of the goings on.

2. Lakshmana is ordered to drop her in the forest. Just drop her and return. She is not invested in the care of any sage or an ashram. She is not entrusted in a safe haven. She is not even offered a decent dwelling to take care of herself or her unborn child/children. She is just left high and dry. She faints and then according to the legend, Sage Valmiki finds her and takes her to the hermitage where Luv and Kush are eventually born.

3. Rama, does not even attempt to find out if Sita is safe, whether his children are safe. Or if they are even born. But just deserts her because a washerman questioned her chastity, if that would be the right word to use here, since I cannot think of a safer word now.

4. Finally an exchange of arrows happens between Rama and Luv and Kush. Rama not knowing they are his sons. And Luv and Kush not knowing Rama is their father. Until Sita comes and stops the exchange of arrows. Rama is introduced to his sons but still refuses to take Sita back but is OK about taking his sons back. Question here is, if Sita were questioned, would the sons not be questioned too? Wouldnt some washerman ask about how Rama could declare one fine day that Luv and Kush are his sons? However I have no idea what happened after Sita decides she has had enough and returns to her mother Bhoomi Devi. 

5. Even if not a husband, as a ruler, if he had to suddenly remove Sita from the status of the queen, did he not fail in his duty as a ruler to provide for a safe haven for his subject?

I made a mistake of asking these questions on Twitter and I have realized that Twitter is no space for serious conversations with rank strangers. But then I ll write about this in another post. Deserves it. Or at least I feel like writing about it, deserving or not :)

Is there a reason other than

1. Sita chose to suffer

2. Rama is the all-knower

3. Sita sacrificed

4. Rama sacrificed 

5. You have to have faith and the answer will come to you.

and explanations to that effect? Is there a reason as to why Rama behaved in such an unjustified way?

I am questioning the human being that Sri Rama chose to be because he chose to suffer all that a human being would suffer in a lifetime. That's all. Vishnu is my favorite God. But then so is Shiva. I cant claim to know the creator Mr Brahma much. There isnt enough written about him except that he makes a special appearance in stories that concern Shiva and Vishnu or their progeny. But I like Shiva and Vishnu.

If you can give me an answer, or can point me to a book or a link that can give me the answer I would be happy. Please don't point to a godman though. That is one thing I am not interested in :)

Sincerely and humbly

Chinmayi

Another post with a title block

I am invariably asked to sing at all the dubbing sessions. Recently its been chotta chotta/saarakathu.At the dub session today, the director asked me to sing Deivam thandha.., and he said you will always be the Deivam Thandha poo. And he said it moves him to tears each time. That's the genius of that composition. A lot of people asked how did you sing with such emotion/pain? I guess mom had gone through enough in life and I had watched it silently, that sadness was usually my default emotion. Nothing ever exhilarated me. Except maybe the first calls from Rahman sir's office. 

I never understood why Rahman sir chose to give such an amazing composition of his to a 15 year old novice.When I recorded for Mr SJ Surya (If you wanna..) just before the session was to begin, he asked "What have you sung before?" and he gawked when I said Deivam thanda poove.. He asked YOU??!

He said he expected the singer to be at least in her 30-s. Not a teenager. People used to ask what did you think of during KMI. Nothing. I didn't think of anything. I didn't know about emoting for the mother in the film. I didn't know who I was singing for/situation for Kannathil Muthamittal.  So yes, I knew nothing. And I guess I am glad I didn't know anything. Rahman sir knew how to make magic happen without saying much.

I was only concerned about singing well. I had no clue if my voice would be retained. Actually, even today when I record, I never know if my voice will be retained. People might change their mind. Which is why I dont talk about the film I have recorded for until it releases. 

I am thankful and grateful to the grace God has shown to me/us (mom and I), the opportunities that composers gave me.However,if you think people will welcome you just because you are talented, please Know that it is otherwise. No one lays out the red carpet. People will make your life tough. Attempt to make your life a living hell. Succumbing or succeeding would be the only options. For me, how I succeed is imperative. At the end of my life, I know I'll be known for never bending in my values. That's how I can make mom proud. And myself. 

The past few years of professional life have given me unparalleled experiences. The rosy path was probably 5/100th.  (If that fraction is mathematically wrong, I am sorry, fractions were never my thing. For that matter.. maths wasnt my thing after 7th std. That was when my 100s started their downward journey :p )

In some film that I forget the title of, the elder lady of the house says "Response under pressure is the best judge of character" Today when people are trying to express themselves in 140 characters, I am wondering if I can judge them based on that or just watch the space. If someone could be judged that way, then a lot will fall into racial/sexual abuse category. 

Yesterday I was listening to Mr N Ram of the Hindu and he happened to mention that a Gentleman from somewhere met him at his office and he added "I will not reveal who because I do not have his permission to do so". While I listened to Mr Ram, the more I felt that I am meeting less and less people who have their basic etiquette, ethics, values and more than anything else, their manners in place. 

And today people are racing to be the first to say, I met him/her. S/he said this/that. Without even checking first. Many a time, I have admonished - and I use the word admonish, because that is exactly what I did - those who publish gossip. Or publish news about someone without verifying first. What is with this sudden wannabe I want to be a news-breaker disease that people are into? Is it the quest to feel important, if only for a few minutes?

Why are people not able to debate on issues without bringing up unnecessary and totally unrelated parameters today? My mom always told me that disagreement / fights are on issues and not with the person.

Recently someone told me that they didn't want to have children because the world is a terrible place to bring in a baby. And I understand where the thought is coming from. If you had to really look and observe the world seems to be disintegrating at a very rapid pace. Sooner or later, some like minded people might form groups and decide to be by themselves like in the 'Village'. Anything is possible.

However, though this post may have started somewhere and head somewhere else, it is just a random log of various thoughts that decided to present itself in my head.

A lot of times, in despair have I turned to my mother and asked why is it that God is using us for his entertainment? Everyone who seems to be on the opposite end of honesty and ethical seems to be doing so well.. and way better. But maybe, as I had blogged earlier on the same lines, I would not have been able to be any other way. But then I still ask God the same question. That he seems to be punish the just more than anyone else and that there has to be an end to this 'testing'. What else can one do anyway? And at times it is not even God. The question goes out to the Universe, to Whomsoever it may concern.

I guess I ll take a lifetime and the time after this lifetime to know for sure, why I was born this way. And was to have lived this way. 

And, with my mom's blessings, it would have been a lifetime that spoke of unbending principles.

I shall look forward to my epitaph.

The believer

Usually is someone optimistic. Or so I think. Has hope. Someone who believes in the nicer side of things. The truer side of things. Or people. But more often than not the believer is the one who gets sorely tested. Till he is, well, quite sore. 

The ones who care zilch for things like values or ethics seem to have easier, less testy times. Actually none at all. But then that is a third person's opinion. I would never know what someone goes through.

But more often than not, if I scream out to God it is asking whither fairness? Whither justice? And how much longer will it be before the 'deivam ninru kollum' happens?

The only time I probably forget is when I sing my heart out. And I did so in Cochin and I am grateful for that experience. My mom was happy with what I sang and that happens very rarely. She is not one to compliment. 

Trials tribulations and sometimes just excreta happens. And that, I figured is my life.

Attending the Fortune MPW summit

Was an amazing experience. I met Joan after my mentoring program during this summit though we have been in touch throughout. I have no idea when I ll see her again but hanging out with her and meeting all the amazing ladies I did was super duper. 

One of the first ladies I met was Baroness Goudie, House of Lords. I guess I was slightly awed to meet her but she was so friendly. She said she had been to Chennai a few times. Also met Jami Miscik, now Vice Chairman, Kissinger Associates but was Deputy Director of Intelligence, CIA. Listening to her talk to my mentor and me over dinner was one of the best conversations I have even been part of in my life. And for all her accomplishments, she was simple and extremely humble. I would definitely expect someone of her rank back here to throw her weight around. Her simplicity humbled me. And she said in 2020 the things world leaders will be worried about would be water. Maybe like Shekhar Kapur says, if there is a world war, it would be for water. And it would be used a weapon to create social disparity. As if India is already equal. But the thought is scary.

This was the dinner before the summit where I also had a chance to listen to Rosanne Cash. Honestly, that was first time I had heard of her. The two days of the summit passed in a flurry of meeting people, amazing interviews and listening to some of the best opinions. Amongst the breakfast roundtables I attended, the one I liked the most was "Building a movement" by Catherine Coughlin of AT&T and Elizabeth Gore of the UN Foundation. Was amazing listening to the movements they started and the movements they have come across. 

Of all the speakers I heard in the summit I thought Indra Nooyi was extremely articulate and I loved the way she was so poised, the way she conveyed her thoughts with clarity and assertiveness. With a ring of honesty. No pish-toosh. No lah-di-dah. Met her after her speech and said hello. Took a picture. Perhaps the first time I went to someone I didn't know and ask for a picture.

Rosie O Donnell was a moderator for one of the discussions and she had the audience in splits throughout. I felt the audience visibly lighten up after her session. Loved listening to Glenn Close and there was a super short teaser of her upcoming film where she plays a man, was screened. She acted out how her character was afraid to look people in the eye, right there on stage. And it was amazing how she just transformed in that split second. 

I loved Chelsea Handler's attitude, the way she spoke about her team and her productions. Loved listening to Tyra Banks and about her journey from being a super model to studying at Harvard and creating Bankable. 

Somaly Lam, was successful in not breaking down on stage as she was being interviewed by the COO of Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg. She got the first standing ovation of the summit. Read more about her extraordinary story and how she is saving girls from sexual slavery and human trafficking here. If you can donate to her foundation, even better. Her daughter was kidnapped by people who thought this would stop her from continuing on her mission. Her daughter came back to her, telling her to continue. She reminds me of Anuradha Koirala of Maithi Nepal. Women like these are beyond extraordinary and courageous. Shame on the those men for whom this industry runs. And the women who help run it killing girls and women emotionally and physically.

Listening to Regina Dugan the first woman chief of DARPA was superb too. The presentation she put together especially the ones across history who were the naysayers like Ken Olson "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home" or Sir William Preece "The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys" or "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." was highlighted in her presentation. Throughout time there have been enough and more people who said "That is not possible" or "That cannot be done" and precisely as someone said, the person who says it cannot be done is interrupted by the person who is doing it.

Attending the summit once again gave me a new vision. Gave me new ideas. More than anything else, it seems like when women head an organization, there is so much more heart in the way they are run.

And before I forget, it was fun listening to Warren Buffet too. And to hear his thoughts on why it is fair that the rich in America should pay more taxes. 

Some other observations (some unconnected to the summit): 

1. LA, I hear is a very Vegan/vegetarian place. The food they served us during the summit was 90% vegetarian. I love the way the US (or at least the places/restaurants/offices I have visited in the US is sensitive to food preferences. No jeering no teasing as I have noticed all the time here. But then that insensitivity warrants a totally new blog post.

2. I have a feeling too much water is being wasted in bathrooms/restrooms in the US. Perhaps that can be better managed. On a different note, the Ritz Carlton and St Regis at Laguna Niguel are amazing places to stay. And no I am not being paid for this. I just loved the hotels. 

3. If I heard right, (correct me if this is not true) there was no rain water harvesting in LA. Which I thought was sad.

So much needs to be done in the world and for the world. But I think with the kind of women and men committed to change, the world might be a better place in the future.

And finally when I thanked Joan for the opportunity and said I have no idea how I can pay you back, she said one thing which I knew she would say - "Pay it forward" :)

The Fortune Most Powerful Women Summit

In LA this year between October 3-5 and as a mentee of Joan Amble and Denise Pickett of American Express (FORTUNE/US State Dept Global Women's Mentoring Partnership 2011) I get to attend this amazing event. 

The event this year looks truly stunning and to be attending this event is a matter of great pride and honour for me. The support of Joan and Denise has continued long after the mentoring program was over and I am humbled by the commitment these ladies show.

Indra Nooyi of PepsiCo, Ellen Kullman of DuPont, Pat Woertz of ADM, and Anne Lauvergeon of AREVA, Ginni Rometty of IBM, Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook and Arianna Huffington of The Huffington Post Media Group. Also confirmed are Human Rights Advocate Somaly Mam, Singer-Songwriter and Author Rosanne Cash, Talk Show Host and Author Chelsea Handler, Dr. Nancy Snyderman of NBC News, and Meredith Whitney of Meredith Whitney Advisory Group LLC —plus Warren Buffett, are just some of the people who would be attending the event.


I should be live-tweeting the event and also blogging about it as and when possible.



Looking forward to this is totally understating it.
 

Its amazing how attached one can become to their pet. And within such a short span of time. I miss Joey terribly and wait to see him whenever I come back from work. So much so that I have begun blogging about him :) 

Its beautiful to have him sleep off on my shoulder sometimes, or on my hands. That's what he does most of the day. The remaining time he pees and poops. And then he chews on whatever can find. My ankles and toes and whosoever else's he can find as of now. 

I love him to bits and this birthday was definitely the most special of all because Joey came home. Was telling a friend that I miss Joe and he said that's the best and worst part of having a pet. 

Joey is now part of my family. I think he'd be way better than those who actually are supposed to be my kith and kin! :p

Joey!!!

Tooooo much thought went into naming the birthday puppy and now we have named him Joey. Kinda rhymes with Chewy because thats what he does all day. Chew. Other than sleep of course.
He is amazing. Super cute and adorable.

And that is Joey for you :) Say Hello!!

Quite a day

Yes, I know. I am more actively tweeting than blogging. But at times the 140 character limit at a time doesn't help verbose expressions. So here we come back again to good old blogging.

Its been an interesting day recording for Dheva sir. Originally went into sing one song. But he ended up asking me to sing one more. One duet was with a newcomer called Aditya Ram and the other with the veteran SPB sir. The only other time I sang a duet with SPB sir was again for a film that Dheva sir composed for, several years ago. Which was again a Brother-Sister sort of a song. There must be something there :)

A few months ago, people closest to me knew that I was lamenting for a puppy. Like really, really lamenting. I want a puppy. I want a puppy. My mother had heard enough. And then finally I gave up. Because I couldn't find one that I liked. Even though I had visited a few people. Thought it was not written. And then a friend landed up at my home this morning with a basket. I was just waking up from a really strange and partly scary dream, which later, according to experts was a good thing after all to have a dream like that. So when I saw a basket with a furry thing that moved inside, I screamed. And my friend was weirded out. And then it hit me that I had a puppy on my hands. It was all a blur. Bathed it, fed it, went to office, left it with mom and went to the recording.

Once back I finally caught up on sleep that has been in serious short supply for days, if not weeks. I have been dubbing non stop. Recording songs was difficult as after the bout of a viral fever my singing voice took quite a while to get to form. And my first recording after almost 25 days happened 4-5 days ago.

And then the Mirchi Music Awards was slated to happen today and happen it did. I was nominated for the Best Female Playback singer. Didn't think any award will happen to me, and thought this pattern of not winning an award for an AR song will continue (of course barring the TN State Govt award, no other awards had happened right from Kannathil Muthamittal to Kilimanjaro). And interestingly looks like the jinx was broken, if there was a jinx. I always felt sad that I could never hold an award in my hands and thank Rahman sir for the song and the award. State Govt Ceremonies don't give opportunities for Thank-You speeches. So yes, I still haven't held an award for an AR song and given a thank-you speech. Someday. 

Also, on the other hand, I have been doing a lot of things. Working on starting a culinary venture. But want to have be a socially conscious initiative. So the background work is taking time. Also we have been getting a lot of genuine advice on red tape especially in this kind of a venture. And how much if such red tape is not encouraged, how a carefully built reputation will be ruined :)  Yes it might sound filmi but apparently it does happen.

Mom's life and mine has been an example, that we have never been asked to pay a bribe anywhere. I have been a known face only the past 6-7 years. I have never seen mom talk about anything like that. And I am sure this will continue even in my case. There is only one way to lead our lives and that was decided ages ago. If it doesn't happen the straightforward way, I'd rather let go of the idea.

Also launched the Blue Elephant Record Company today and that was basically because Dharan, Madhan Karky and I are working on an album. Have been talking to Karky for a pretty long while and Dharan as well. We should be ready with our single soon. After all, that's what we Dakshaa LLC and I launched the iOS app for. 

As for the app the Android version is getting tested and the little chinks and nicks in the iOS version will also be rectified in the update.

Until then this is Chinmayi signing off :)

From today - The Chinmayi App

The first iOS app by a musician across all iOS devices and also the first female singer in India to have an iOS App. The android version will also release soon. 

I had known the brain behind Dakshaa LLC, Naveen, virtually for a while and he is a serial entrepreneur. When I was in the US for the Fortune/ US State Dept mentoring program he told me to release an app. I, of course was apprehensive, wondering who would want to see an app released by me. He was good at convincing me and he is, as I see today from the response I am getting from the Press and Twitter, quite right. 

This will be an interactive App from the next update which will come in 3 weeks and this will also be the platform where I will release my own music or the result of any collaborations I am working on now. This app will also feature exclusive video content in the future. 

I guess this is enough said for now. I have been getting a lot of reviews and inputs from those who have downloaded it reading my tweets and I understand there are some who read my blog that also read my tweets. :)

So yes, this is the beginning of a lot of things to come :)

Here is a preview of the app

Nandi award

Announced today for my dubbing in Ye Maaya Chesave. 

I had never thought of dubbing before SOK. And never thought I ll get an award either for my first film in Telugu. 

This journey, too started from Rahman sir's studio when the studio engineer Karthik called me to test for Sillunu Oru Kadhal. I, in my opinion, had a very un-girly, un-sing-song voice. I was just the normal voice. Somehow Director Krishna decided this is the voice he wants for Bhumika Chawla and I am now 22 films old for dubbing in about 5 years. I continue to be surprised with this though. This was never something I planned. But then I wasnt planning for Blue Elephant since I was a child either.

But I can tell you that this path was not easy. And I also said I didn't want to be doing this at some point because some things were becoming too difficult to handle. I faced a lot of resistance. Not to mention a lot of envy. However, destiny took over. Things changed. And I am grateful for the opportunities. 

Vinnai Thaandi Varuvaaya and Ye Maaya Chesave are definitely one of the best films in my dubbing career. I love working with Gautham sir. Learned a lot of things from him. Especially subtlety in dubbing. 

Before Vaaranam Ayiram I was just plain scared of GVM. Had never been introduced to him before this film and I was always intimidated and iced out by him. But I am super thankful that he chose me to be the voice of Sameera Reddy despite everything. And then the voice of Jessi.

Had a great time dubbing this film at 7th Channel Studios as I had probably mentioned earlier and a major thanks goes to Mahesh Anna at 7th Channel for making me sound so good. Samantha was one of the first people to call me once the film released to say that people loved my voice. Love her sense of security and her heart to compliment in private and in public.Super happy for her that she got the jury award for YMC. Gautham sir won for best screenplay writer.

Hope I win one for singing as well though.. some day. 

For this Nandi Award, a big thank you to Gautham Vasudev Menon, Mahesh anna, the Jury, the one-of-a-kind-film-fans of Andhra Pradesh and team VTV. YMC/VTV will always be super special.

Other awardees - entire list here

A lesson - well learnt

So many times have I received mails that ask about issues that I have faced with BE.

So here goes..

By agreeing to get some work done for a friend on the basis of an oral agreement. And then they refused to pay. Let go of the friend thereafter.

Two Malayalam linguists - A and A who showed us that sometimes its better to not trust the work of linguists on face value and always, always double check quality of work and references.

Linguists in India have a basic issue. Of not respecting deadlines. I have almost always faced that. Closer to the deadline - the hard disk will fail. Computers will crash. Accidents will happen. Transformers will burst. And an uncle will die. 

I heard the very same Uncle was serious in hospital twice from the same linguist. Poor uncle, he must be really accident prone. :)

Even worse they will never take phone calls. This was a very early lesson we learned and the basic reason why we chose to work with native speakers of all the foreign languages that we work in. As for Indian languages, I eventually go to know lyricists who agreed to translate for me. Thank God for them. But yes, we did slip in the case of A & A. And decided never to work with them anymore.

In other cases, I have met people who considered themselves our competition that they took things so seriously which gave me a crash course on how unethical business 'veterans' are. The things they do. The things that get done. We decided we'd rather not work with clients who don't respect values or ethics. In the bargain, we might have let go of some great names on our dossier, but I'd rather let our company be a reflection of who I am in ethics and values than be an also ran. 

I learn something every time. But more than anything else, a few years down the line, Blue Elephant will be known for values, ethics and the translated words that have gone out from our office to all over the world, helping businesses that work with us, to reach their goals and effectively communicate to the people they want to speak to.

Experience - The Feel of India

Don't know how I missed this album.
Its a wonderful album that I was a part of and got to sing an Abhang and a line in Raghupathi Raaghav.
Please listen and do buy the album if you like it.
It was composed by the very talented guy called Gopalakrishan

http://music.napster.com/shankar-mahadevan-music/album/experience-the-feel-of-india---indian-classical-fusion-%5Balbum%5D/14368894

Rock the Tabla - Cairo to India

Rahman sir told me to sing in a track for a collaboration that he was doing with the very famous Egyptian Composer Hossam Ramzy, many moons ago. And though it may be strange I got to know via a tweet that the album is set to release and Cairo to India carries my name in the credits. 

To be credited in an ARR collaboration is humbling for me. And a reaffirmation of what my mom has been putting into my singing and helping me grow as a musician and an artiste. The gratitude to Rahman sir keeps piling up though. There have been days when tears have flown freely due to various reasons. Anger has been one of them. Frustration another. Sadness yet another with regard to my career. 

But if there has been one person who has believed in me for whatever 2 pence I was worth, it has been Rahman sir. From the day of the recording of Dheivam Thandha Poove during my board exams to now, almost a decade has passed. But when I enter the studios today, I am still the child that I was. Time and again have I said, that he was our beacon of hope at the end of a dark tunnel, a ray of hope to a harassed single mom. And a girl who also had begun to question what's the point of living an honest life? Not to mention that the question hadnt been raised more in the recent past but the thing is I have been cast in a way. The die was made in a certain way. The mould cannot change neither can the impression. 

More than anything else, I live my life today, in gratitude for the food on my plate. All thanks to that first song that Rahman sir gave and continued to, when it was the era of the kuthu songs, when no one thought it was 'right' to make me sing a Kuthu song. Kept a wilting creeper alive through all those days.

Angels do walk the earth. The maseeha I know is Rahman 'anna'. The way I called him the very first time I entered his studio and he chuckled at that naive 15 year old. 

There is nothing that someone like me can give back to him or his family except wish and pray with all our hearts, like millions of his fans, that he be healthy and spiritually protected. 

And today I send my thanks to the God above for giving us hope in life. 

And if you are at this point where a lot of things seem hopeless, I wish for you that you may find the hope that I eventually did. My mom waited almost 50 years for that. I waited a mere 14. 

Eventually there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

It is white.
White as snow.
White as nothingness
White as the burst of light behind closed eyes
White as hunger
White as desperation
White as thirst
White as the soul
White as heat
White as the clenched knuckle
White as the shroud 
White as the heart that grieves
White as a prayer
White as salt
White as the teardrop.
It is white.

Malar Manjariyil - Composed by Sri Ousephachan

I refer to this post on the 13th September 2010. At that time I mentioned that I had a divine time recording for this composer. And the composer I was referring to was Sri Ousephachan. I recorded this song on my birthday and the experience is captured in that post. Figured I don't have to add to that.

This is the song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zomhZnLbOTU

For the Film Karmayogi and here the duet version with Ranjith.

Sara Sara Saarakaathu

I got an opportunity to sing Vairamuthu sir's  Karthik Netha's lyrics after quite a while and this time, for the debutant M Ghibran whom I have known with another name all these years. Think its better not to state his erstwhile name so that there are no confusions. I have been singing quite a few jingles for him and he used to be studying abroad, come here, compose and go back.

I was very happy to know he got a break with Sargunam's film - Vaagai Sooda vaa. And more than anything else this was a deadly song. Super lyrics to say the least. I had a ball while working on this song. A song like this doesn't come to me all the while and am super glad that Ghibran chose me to sing this one.

And I wonder how a poet, a man, is able to suss out what a girl could feel at a given point in time and write lyrics. And maybe for the first time I heard Modaiketthan, a type of a keerai in a song. I know this one, and the director was surprised I did, when I recognized this one and giggled. Modaiketthan was a regular in my home when my grandad was around. He used to say its excellent for the joints. Especially if you had knee problems or maybe even back problems. Not too sure now if it was either or both. Modaiketthan Rasam vechu madakkathaan paakkuraen.. What lyrics. Kick everything :p

Ghibran is on Twitter @MGhibran. Do let him know if you liked the song and the album.


Update on January 2019: It was another one of the those open secrets that I got to know post #MeToo that Karthik Netha was actually the lyricist of Sara Sara Saarakathu. Those who were experts in sussing out the style of a poet said they would bet their bottom dollar that the style is not Mr Vairamuthu's.
However, since Karthik Netha himself did not speak up and neither had he asked me to share the story, I did not have the permission to share it
Here is an interview of Karthik Netha's https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVFodEC-eYA&t=615s
where he details how his work came under Mr Vairamuthu's name for the sake of a 'brand value'.

Here is a Dinamalar report on the same.
I thank the journalist for trusting Mr Netha. Thankfully they didn't ask him "why after so many years?". :) Of course, except Dina Malar I don't think I have come to know of any other magazine/newspaper cover the issue. Mr. Vairamuthu's influence and power is massive. How would you explain that he hasn't had ONE interview in all these days but there are channels and newspapers publishing his quotes on Climate change and IMPEX laws. Such is the way of the powerful.

https://www.dinamalar.com/news_detail.asp?id=2194997

To everyone who commented to the post below, with all my being - Thank you.

If by God's grace I reach the goal I have set out to achieve, I know your sentiments and blessings would have played a part in taking me there.

Thank you.

Yours Truly.

"The Best Advice I ever Got"

When I was in New York my mentor, Joan Amble made sure that I got to go to a WNBA Inspiring Women's Luncheon. One of the best I had ever attended. Katie Couric was being awarded the Most Inspiring Woman award. In spite of the West claiming to be so progressive, or at least the US, in their 300 years of independence they have not had one woman as President. In India's independent 60 years we had our first woman PM 30 years ago. We have had various women leaders in the Govt. I understood why women's liberation was necessary in the west. Women still earn way less to the dollar compared to men there. Though India is still work in progress on several counts, women have rapidly come up the ladder.

Listening to Katie Couric on that day, the first solo female anchor of a weekday evening news program on one of the three traditional U.S. broadcast networks, was an inspiration. I had a gist of the challenges she had to face. Those who went to the luncheon that day got her latest book - The Best Advice I ever Got - Lessons from Extraordinary Lives)

I get to read her input at the beginning of every new section and its almost as if everything is speaking to me. A lot of singers, musicians, songwriters, actors, head honchos, billionaires and the who's who that contributed to Katie Couric's book have excellent messages to share. 

At various points we think those who are successful have it easy. Or that they got there easily. But let me tell you, even those born with the proverbial silver spoon need to work their seats off to maintain the silver spoon. Only if they are smart enough, they ll turn it to gold. 

Today I get messages on Facebook that curse me anything ranging from a horrible accident to death to I will have a miserable life or anything on those lines, just because I don't accept a friend request. And this usually comes only from men. Sorry if it comes across as sexist, but I have to say it as is. No woman has cursed me because I didn't accept a friend request. Others think its OK to be profane on Twitter to a celebrity. And again this is men. I sometimes worry what sort of fathers these guys will make. So many spew venom at my mother because they know she's the reason why I got here and will go where I want to go. I get a range of other emails too but its unnecessary to talk about them and the really weird people behind those any further.  

As a female singer,  I face several challenges that I have to overcome with the able guidance of my mother. Not alone, thankfully. I am not going to be spelling them out. But I know the path I need to take to get to my goals. It might be a tad slower than most others, but if God is kind enough and if I have divine grace I might actually get there. 

Several men and women have had to go through terrible times, poverty, hunger, malpropagation and even worse experiences and finally end up triumphing. But someday I hope to stand as an example that someone who took the straightforward, righteous path can be at the pinnacle of success too.